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Part 6 Chapter 1

Ode to Joy.

No, it wasn’t just music in my head, it was my cell phone. It rang that song when it received a call from a familiar number. I untangled myself from Eddie’s grasp and stumbled out of bed. I found my bag, fumbled through it and found my phone. Without even looking at the number, I answered.

"Hello?"

"Hello Kelli, it’s me Aaron."

"Oh Aaron! Hi! I didn’t expect you to be calling."

"Is this a bad time?"

"Um, no... No you just caught me by surprise. Uh, what is it that you want?"

"I wanted to know if you were free today, after class. Is someone there?"

"No! No, no one is here. You just woke me up, that’s all."

"So, can I see you today, or what?"

"No, Aaron, I’m sorry. I’ve got plans later. Maybe some other time."

"Right, I get the picture. I’ll talk to you when you’re not so busy. I love you."

"Right back at ya!"

"I knew it, someone is there! Who are you with?"

"That’s none of your business. I have to go."

"Fine, fine... bye *click*." I threw the phone down and fell to the floor in a heap. I just stared, wide-eyed. I couldn’t help it, I started to cry. It took me a few moments to realize I wasn’t wearing much of anything. I looked up toward the bed with tear-flooded eyes and saw Eddie sitting up. He was looking at me with great concern on his face. I must have surprised him awake. Once I realized what he had witnessed, I ran into the bathroom and locked the door.

I hid in the bathroom for the moment and fought my tears. After about a minute, I heard a faint knock at the door.

"Kelli? Are you alright?" Eddie asked softly. I didn’t answer him. I knew my voice would break.

"Kelli? Please answer me," he demanded.

"Just leave me alone, I’ll be fine," I called out, my voice breaking as I expected it to.

"I don’t believe you. Please, I have to go to the bathroom anyway," he urged.

"Can you get me my clothes?"

"You want to put that dress back on?"

"No. Shit. I don’t have anything to wear," I said, starting to straighten up.

"Hang on just one moment," Eddie said, leaving the door. I heard some commotion from the other room and then another knock at the door.

"Here, I don’t know if my clothes will fit you, but it’s worth a try," Eddie offered. I unlocked the door and took the clothes from him. He darted into the bathroom while I got dressed in the main room. He had given me a pair of dark jeans and nice form fitting T-shirt. It really wasn’t meant to fit my form, but it’s the thought that counts. He came out of the bathroom as I was finishing getting dressed and sat down on the bed. I avoided him for the moment, taking my turn in the bathroom after putting on his clothes. I came out and stood awkwardly in front of him. The awkwardness came partly from the fact that he didn’t bother to put clothes on himself.

"Kelli, what happened?" Eddie asked softly.

"You mean you didn’t hear?" I said, feeling myself smile.

"Hear what?" he asked, looking confused. Either he really was a brilliant actor, or he had no clue who had just called.

"Oh, well it’s nothing. Just forget about it," I insisted.

"Kelli," he said, standing, "Talk to me. I care about you. I only want to help," he finished, walking towards me and taking my hand.

"Is that the time?!" I gasped, just noticing the clock on the nightstand.

"Yeah," Eddie said, turning his head back, "It’s nine-thirty."

"Oh shit! I was supposed to be in class at nine!!" I said, mumbling some more profanity after that.

"Kelli, Kelli, Kelli!" he said, interrupting my rant, "It’s o.k., you’ll just have to make sure and get to your next one. What time is your next class?"

"Eleven."

"O.k. then. Let’s just go downstairs and have some breakfast."

"Are you gonna go down for breakfast like that?" I asked, looking Eddie up and down, suddenly finding myself in a frisky mood. I gave him an impish smile.

"No. You’re wearing what I was planning to wear. How does it fit?" he asked, smiling back at me.

"I had to roll up the bottoms of legs a little bit, and I’m sure your shoes won’t fit me, but I’ve got a pair of sandals in the car. Otherwise, I think it’s alright. Let’s face it, us short people are all generally the same size," I winked.

"Short people?" Eddie glared. He apparently didn’t find my joke too funny.

"Oh Eddie, don’t take offense. I like my size guys. You’re only a few inches taller than me, y’know," I said seriously.

"How tall are you exactly?" he asked, still not looking too happy.

"About five feet, three inches. Why?"

"Hmmm. I guess that’s about right. You’re not patronizing me, are you?" he asked slowly.

"No, I mean it. I’m not trying to be insulting. I like short guys, and... well, you’re short," I insisted quietly. He didn’t look like a happy man, but his insecurities about his height were the least of my worries. Luckily, his face softened and he smiled. I smiled back at him as he went for his suitcase...

Chapter 2

We went down to the hotel restaurant for breakfast. Our conversation up until the point of getting our food was really quite ordinary. We talked about my schooling and other tedious subjects, all to avoid what I was sure he’d ask me about. I anxiously sipped my coffee and waited for him to inquire.

"Who was that on the phone?" Eddie asked, taking a bite from his meal.

"No one. I thought you said you didn’t hear?" I asked, my heart in my throat.

"I didn’t hear the full conversation, but I did see that you were on the phone. Who was it that upset you so much?" he asked, taking his eyes from me and looking down at his plate.

"Eddie, I can’t lie to you... I’ve done my share of that today. It was Aaron. He wanted to know if I’d see him today, and I lied about being with you," I admitted, feeling very ashamed.

"Oh... I thought you said you two weren’t exclusive anymore?" Eddie asked quietly.

"We’re not supposed to be. I just find it so hard sometimes. I just don’t want to hurt him," I paused in thought.

"You’re a sweet girl for not wanting to break his heart, but please try and not break mine in the process," he said, glaring at his plate.

"I’m sorry, Eddie. It won’t happen again. I love you, and I’m very sorry. I’ll tell Aaron to piss off," I offered, feeling sick inside. I still had very strong feelings for Aaron, and though I loved Eddie too... I still wasn’t sure whom I wanted to end up with. Aaron reminded me of that when he called. These thoughts twisted my brain and I shook them off as quickly as I could.

"Look, I’m sorry. I know you have a complicated situation with him. I don’t mean to complicate it further. Be as nice as you want to him, that’s all anyone ever deserves," Eddie apologized softly.

"Thank you, Eddie. I should probably get going. I wanna get back early so I’ll have plenty of time to get to class. I just want to forget this entire morning ever happened," I said, my voice breaking slightly.

"Will you come back?" he asked me with unsure eyes.

"Yeah, I’ll stop by this afternoon if it’s alright with you," I said, giving him the same look.

"I’ll tell you what, why don’t I meet you when you’re done?" Eddie insisted.

"What, you mean on campus?" I asked, giving him an odd look.

"Yeah, just tell me where to meet you and when, and I’ll be there," he urged. I told him to meet me outside Hamilton Hall and how to get there. We agreed to meet at two o’ clock after my last class.

"I really have to scoot, I’ll see you then?" I said, starting to stand from my seat.

"Yes, I’ll be there... and Kelli?"

"Yes."

"Never mind, it’s nothing," Eddie insisted tenderly.

"O.k., I’ll see you later," I forced a smile and kissed him on the cheek. I waved as I left and he watched me with concern in his eyes. I could only imagine the suspicions running through his mind.

Chapter 3

I shouldn’t have even bothered to go to class. My mind was other

places. I could barely pay enough attention to walk straight. On my way to the Student Union, my phone rang inside my bag. Oh no, a familiar number again. Much to my relief, it was only my mother. I sat under the “gathering tree” outside the Student Union and answered the call. That tree had always been a gathering place for my circle of friends, affectionately known to the rest of the population as "the circus." That’s a whole other story. The tree was somewhere between the Student Union and Hamilton Hall (the dormitory I lived in my first year of college).

“Hello?”

“Hi, Kelli, it’s Mom.”

“Yeah, I know. Caller I.D. How are ya?”

“Fine, just fine. So, what are you doing?”

“Well, right now I’m sitting down… are you?”

“Why? You didn’t flunk out of school, did you?”

“No.”

“You’re not pregnant are you?”

“No, Mom, I’m not but I do have something to tell you if you’ve got time to listen.”

“I’m all ears.”

I spilled the beans about Eddie. I told her the whole story from the beginning to just before the big night. She insisted I tell her everything, so I went on.

“… And after it was all done, he drew a romantic bath for two. He threw rose petals onto the water, which bubbled with a hint of lavender aroma. We had champagne and when I mentioned to him how much I loved

the rose theme, he said, and I quote, “Well, remember what Leah said:

‘everything comes up roses.’ She’s more accurate than you thought.”

“That is just too much! Ooh, I like him already! When can you bring him home?” my mom asked seriously.

“I don’t think he’d fit in too well in Washington Court House, Mom,” I sighed, visualizing us getting the crap beat out of us.

“He can skip the make-up for one day. Besides, I want to meet him,” my mom begged.

“We’ll talk about it later. Look, I’m gonna go to lunch. I’ll talk to ya later, alright?” I insisted, feeling my stomach growl.

“Alrighty then, I’ll talk to ya later. Love you.”

“Love you too mom, bye.” Off to lunch…

Chapter 4

2:07 p.m.

I was sitting outside under the beloved gathering tree smoking a

cigarette when I saw Eddie coming up the walk. I didn’t bother to stand; I just waited for him to notice me. Once he did, he came to me and sat by my side. He kissed me on the cheek and smiled.

"Are you o.k.?" he asked warmly.

"Yeah, I’m alright. I’m sorry about this morning. I didn’t handle that real well, did I?" I asked, ashamed.

"It’s alright, I understand. Wasn’t the best thing to wake up to, was

it?" he said, putting his arm around me.

"No, and I’m sorry you woke up to it too," I apologized.

"Don’t mention it," he squeezed me tight, "Things like that, you can’t control. Y’know?"

"Yeah, I know."

We sat quietly for a few moments. I just looked around and tried to
avoid eye contact with Eddie. One of my friends came by to chat and only added to the stress by asking why I was with Eddie and not Aaron. The situation was extremely awkward and I ended up convincing Eddie that we should just leave and try to avoid anymore awkward situations.

Chapter 5

The silent walk to the parking lot gave me some time to think. Eddie just seemed uncomfortable and wouldn’t speak. I didn’t know what exactly I had done wrong. Maybe I should have said something that morning that I didn’t. Maybe I said something I shouldn’t. Maybe he was just taking it all too personally... Or, maybe he was wondering whether I was as in love with him as I had originally presented myself to be. Questions, questions, questions. Why interrogate oneself when you can ask the other party? Ugh, a million reasons why.

"Eddie, are you alright?" I asked, my voice breaking.

"Huh? Oh yeah, I’m fine. Why do you ask?" he replied, shaky.

"That was incredibly awkward... in fact, this whole day has been really awkward. I’m so sorry Eddie," I apologized sincerely.

"Shit happens," he said simply, lighting a cigarette. Once the search for the car ended and the decision was made to use his rental, we hopped in. After popping by my dorm for extra clothes and stuff, we decided to go to Yellow Springs. I convinced him to stop at the Glen. I dragged him down to my favorite spot again and we sat together, much like the day before. Being surrounded by nature seemed to have a calming effect on both of us... at least for a bit.

"I really want you in my life, y’know?" I said, putting my arms around him this time.

"I’m not entirely sure of that," Eddie admitted lowly.

"Aaron doesn’t even enter into it. If you’re thinking-"

"I can tell you what I’m thinking. You’re still in love with him aren’t you?"

"No, I’m not. How can you say that?" I asked, squeezing him.

"You haven’t told him about me. I understand you care about him, but if you care as much for me as you say you do... you would tell him," Eddie insisted, as if he was thinking out loud.

"How do you know I haven’t told him about you?" I asked, squinting and

trying to remember if I had said anything to that effect.

"You never have! From the beginning it seems that this has been our

little secret. With the exception of your friend that came up to us today, have you said anything to anyone?"

"Yes. I told a fellow Izzardite named Laura... and... my mom... and-"

"But you haven’t told Aaron. Who do you want more, me or him?" Eddie asked, dead serious. I didn’t know how to answer him. I wasn’t even sure I knew. I just stared at him, my lips trembling.

"Eddie," I fumbled, "I want you." At least for the moment, that was true. I tried to kiss him, but he turned away.

"Tell him, Kelli," Eddie demanded.

"Alright, I’ll fuckin’ tell him. I’ll tell him right now, if you want

me to," I glared, grabbing my cell phone out of my bag. His eyes widened. He was simply shocked. I dialed up Aaron’s number and prayed he wouldn’t answer. *Ring... ring... ring...*

"Hello?" Aaron’s voice came and my heart sank.

"Aaron? It’s me Ke-"

"Kelli! I thought you were busy."

"I am... but I have something to tell you," I swallowed my heart.

"Yeah, go on."

"It’s about Eddie..."

"Eddie? Eddie who? Izzard?" he seemed to be laughing.

"Yeah. The mystery person I was with when you called..."

"What?" Aaron laughed.

"No, seriously. You don’t understand. I was with Eddie," I tried to explain.

"Just tell me who you were really with. Trying to be cute won’t soften the blow any," he said forcefully.

"Dammit, Aaron! I’m telling you! He’s here right now!"

"Oh yeah? Let me talk to him."

"O.k., you asked for it," I said, handing the phone to Eddie He gave me a strange look and mouthed the words, "You want me to talk to him?" I nodded for him to go ahead.

"Aaron?" Eddie’s voice broke. He paused while Aaron spoke. I motioned

for him to let me listen and he shared the phone with me.

"Yeah, this is Eddie."

"Eddie Izzard?" Aaron replied, his voice full of sarcasm.

"Yes, actually," Eddie cracked a smile.

"Prove it," Aaron challenged.

"Um, I really don’t know how you expect me to prove who I am. How does a person prove they are who they are?" he replied in true Eddie fashion. It must have been something in his voice that did it, because Aaron freaked.

"OH... MY... GOD!!" We had to pull the phone away from our ears.

"No, God is played by James Mason," Eddie said, giving himself an odd look.

"What in the hell are you doing with Kelli?!" Aaron demanded.

"Well, I’m sitting with her in the Glen. After this, we might go get a coffee. I’ll let her explain," Eddie finished, handing the phone back
to me. He stuck his tongue out the corner of his mouth and gave me a
half-hearted smile. I just cringed as I put the phone back up to my ear.

"Aaron, it’s me again. I’m sorry, he insisted that I tell you," I apologized, realizing none of this was funny.

"So, you’re with Eddie now. How long has this been going on?" Aaron asked coldly.

"Off and on for about a year, I suppose," I admitted softly.

"Well, I hope you two have fun. But Kelli, I must warn you. You know

he’ll break your heart, right?"

"It’s possible."

"We’ll see who you go crying to when he’s through with you."

"Maybe so."

"I still love you Kelli... goodbye *click*" I kept the phone at my ear for a moment. Who was hurt here? I couldn’t decide. I guess we were all hurt a little. I slowly took the phone from my ear and put it back in my bag. I felt tears in my eyes, but I fought them. I was so angry with Eddie... and with Aaron... but mostly with myself.

"Kelli..." Eddie breathed, trying to put his arm around me. I pushed him away. I just stared down at the water below. I was almost tempted to drop myself in. I just wanted to disappear. I felt a tear slide down my cheek. It happened to be the cheek facing Eddie and he delicately wiped it from my face. He did it slowly and carefully, as if he was waiting for me to slap his hand away. I let him.

"Eddie, that was mean," I choked, "I can’t believe..." my voice drifted off.

"Kelli, I’m sorry. He had to know. That wasn’t as much fun as it looked. I just got a kick out of having to prove myself. I enjoyed that about as much as you did," he excused himself. I felt myself lose it. I was so confused and frustrated. I don’t know why, but I fell into Eddie’s arms and cried into his chest. It must be hard for someone who considers himself so emotionally compressed to deal with someone as emotional as myself. He was a true comfort though. He held me until he calmed my tears.

Chapter 6

Eddie talked me into believing that none of it was my fault, and that really it was no one’s fault. We sat, holding each other, and talked things out. It got chilly fairly quickly and we left the Glen for his hotel.

Once we reached his room, he sat me down on the bed and started some coffee in the complementary coffee maker. I sat, shaking off the cold. I plopped backward and laid myself back on the bed. Eddie sat down next to me and leaned back on his elbow. He watched my face with great anticipation. "Are you o.k.?" he asked softly.



"I don’t know. No matter what I do, I always seem to hurt people. Everything I touch turns to shit," I said, quoting a line from the film, The Craft

"No, that’s simply not true. I was shit before you touched me," he smiled. I laughed slightly.

"There we go, there’s a smile. That’s all I wanted from you."

"You want my world," I suggested.

"I just want to be in it," he said, bringing his face over mine.

"You are," I replied, raising my head to kiss him. He leaned down over me and kissed me back. It didn’t take long to find the rest of his body following. I heard the coffee flowing into the pot. I’m sure Eddie did too, but he ignored it for the moment. He kissed me and kissed me, positioning himself comfortably over me. I wasn’t sure if we were actually going to have a cup of coffee, or a cup of coffee. The answer came when Eddie finally pulled himself away from me.

"They have a small menu for room service here. Would you like to try something?" Eddie asked, standing up and heading for the coffee pot. He poured us each a cup of coffee. I joined him at the table so that I could make sure I had the cream and sugar I wanted.

"I suppose, though I’m not really hungry," I answered, stirring my coffee.

"Right, let’s have a look at the menu," he said, picking up a piece of paper from the table. We drank what we wanted of the coffee quickly and ordered a pizza instead. We demolished it. Guess I was hungrier than I thought.
Once our pig-out session had come to an end, we turned on the television. We curled up together on the bed and watched it for hours. There was one thing we had in common for sure, we both loved the telly. We watched my favorite show, Rendeview with Greg Proops, and talked some during the commercials. The hours passed and we flipped the channel to HBO. Oddly enough, we caught the end of Dress to Kill. I made him let me watch it. He seemed very uncomfortable, until he saw the joy in my face as I watched. He experienced on a very personal level the delight that his comedy gave me. After the show finished, another interesting show came on. Real Sex. It must have gotten quite late.

"Do you want to watch this?" I asked, shrugging as if I didn’t like it.

"I don’t know, do you?" Eddie hesitated. "Honestly, I like this show. It’s wild. It’s better than watching Skinimax," I insisted.

"Well, if you want to watch it," he hesitated again.
"You know what? I’d rather do it," I said, giving him a wicked smile.
"Me too," Eddie grinned, picking up the remote and switching the
television off. His passion devoured me, and I didn’t resist it. I guess our memory of that day had faded temporarily. Or maybe it was just to forget. Love is just as powerful an act as it is an emotion.

All in all, it was simply a weird day. Not the best first day as an

official couple, but I think we felt we had many better days ahead of us. Just how many, we couldn’t be sure... maybe another visit to Leah was in order... she was still in need of payment...

Part 7 Chapter 1

Minute 27, morning shower.

I hadn’t seen Eddie for about a day. I told him I had some stuff I wanted to take care of and he went off and did his own thing for a bit. The last time I saw him was when I left from his hotel to go to class a couple of days before. I think a small break was necessary. We didn’t want to wear each other out in the first week. Somehow, I was worried, though. I couldn’t shake the feeling that our time was short.

I shook the water from my hair and wrapped myself in my hair-dye

stained bathrobe. I exited the bathroom to find a figure standing in my dorm. At first glance I thought it was my roommate, but then I remembered she had been long-gone since early that morning. She had a six o’clock class. Much to my surprise… and horror… it was Aaron. She must have forgotten to lock the door when she left.

“Aaron! What are you doing here?” I asked in shock.

“I had to see you,” he replied simply.

“Aaron, look, I’m sorry about the other day-“

“Kelli, just stop. I don’t really know why I came here, I guess I needed to know in person… I have to
know-“

“Know what?”

“Kelli… do you love him? I mean, Eddie… do you love Eddie?” he asked, his words slurring in a mumble. My face dropped. How could I tell the person I always thought of as the love of my life that I loved another man? I had to tell him the truth, though… I owed both Aaron AND Eddie that.

“Yes, I do love him,” I admitted, my voice coming high.

“I thought so. Can you tell me… I meant… I mean…”

“What, Aaron?”

“Does he love you?”

“Yes, I believe he does.”

“I thought he might. Who couldn’t love you?”

“Aaron, I-“

“Save it. I don’t know. How could this have happened, Kelli?”

“You and I… I thought we were split and I told him he could have me and-“

“I mean before that! You said this has been going on for about a year. I guess I can’t blame you. He is a cool guy… but Kelli, you know this won’t last forever, right?”

“I can’t say. I don’t know. I’m along for the ride however long it lasts.”

“I’ll be waiting for you when the ride is over,” Aaron said plainly, heading for the door.

“Aaron, wait!! I’m sorry about all this. I didn’t mean for a damn bit of it to happen. You know that, right?”

“I suppose so. I gotta go. I’ll see ya when I see ya,”

Aaron sighed, opening the door.

“Aaron?”

“Yeah?”

“I still love you, y’know.”

“I love you too.”

Chapter 2

I met Eddie in the Glen after my classes had finished. I found him sitting in my favorite spot. I walked down to the edge of the rock face and sat next to him. I was still feeling ill over my encounter with Aaron that morning and being with Eddie didn’t erase it from my memory the way I had hoped. It only seemed to make me feel sicker inside… and guilty as well. I must have looked paler than usual or just like something was bothering me because Eddie noticed immediately.

“Are you feeling alright? You don’t look so well,” Eddie asked, obviously concerned.

“I’m alright, just been one of those days,” I replied lowly.

“Want to talk about it?”

“No, I don’t, actually. I was thinking, though… Why don’t we go do something crazy. Let’s go get tattoos!” I blurted brightly, trying to change my mood.

“You already have three.”

“Piercings?”

“You’ve got your nose and tongue, and I’m happy with just my ears, thank you.”

“Let’s just go cruising, I know the perfect place… if you don’t mind venturing into slightly dangerous territory,” I offered, fumbling for my keys.

“Dangerous?” Eddie made a face.

“Redneck country,” I explained simply.

“Oh yeah. Where are we going?”

“To the area around my hometown. Don’t worry, nobody can hassle us in a car. Besides, I love cruising. People really seem to open up. They talk more in cars for some reason. It’d be a great learning experience for both of us,” I smiled, putting my arm around Eddie’s shoulders.

“Right then, let’s go.”

Chapter 3

Things just started to go beyond pointless small talk as we got onto the freeway. After a bit of personal hoo ha, I began to think of our original meeting and the events that followed shortly thereafter. In the process, something popped in my head that I felt necessary to disclose.

“Eddie, do you remember when we first had dinner and I was talking about some of the films I had seen you in?” I asked sheepishly.

“Yes, I think you were just then starting to hint that you weren’t so unfamiliar with who I was,” Eddie smiled, lighting a cigarette.

“Remember what I said about Shadow of the Vampire?” I asked, feeling my face flush slightly. He seemed to pause in thought.

“I believe you said something to the effect of it being crap,” he replied playfully.

“I didn’t mean that, you know?”

“Oh, you didn’t?”

“No. At that point I hadn’t even seen the film all the way through and what I did watch of it I had seen at a very late hour, when I was quite tired. My mom got the DVD for me at Christmas and somewhere after that I watched it all the way through.”

“What did you think of it?” Eddie leaned in a bit.

“It was great. I loved it, got totally pulled into the story. I’ll never look at Willem Dafoe the same way again. He was fuckin’ creepy.

And I loved your character. He was cute, for a pretentious bastard,” I laughed slightly.

“Yes, he was kind of a bastard. Thanks for telling me that. I’m glad you liked the film. So, it wasn’t crap?” Eddie blushed at my side.

“No, not at all. I loved it,” I admitted, changing lanes so as to pass a large truck. “There are probably other things I never told you about our first encounters,” I started again.

“Same here. Why don’t you go first,” Eddie offered.

“Alright. Um, let me think. Well, I have to say when you called me that first time, I nearly shit my pants,” I laughed.

“Oh really, why?” he laughed in return.

“I thought it was all said and done. I had no idea that you had even given me a second thought. And, you know, the whole time we spent together that day, I resented you for ever even calling me.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. I didn’t want anything to come of it. I resisted you as much as I could, fighting it all the way. I liked you so much, but I didn’t want to risk getting involved. Alas, let’s face it, you’re completely irresistible… ya bastard. My emotions dragged me kicking and screaming into your arms. I hated them for that. Of course, it’s more of a love/hate thing. I love that I love you; I hate the fact that it endangers my heart the way it does,” I explained, fumbling blindly through my bag for my cigarettes.

Eddie got me a cigarette and lit it for me so I wouldn’t wreck us into the ditch.

“You have emotions toward your emotions? Interesting concept,” Eddie said, making a light joke. “I fought it kicking and screaming too,” he admitted quietly.

“You did?” I replied, squinting through my smoke at the road. He played with the passenger window slightly and then returned the crack to the original position. He seemed reluctant to say much more.

“Well,” I encouraged him to go on.

“I’ve found myself saying things I’m not always sure I’m feeling. I never told anyone so quickly that I loved them. I never so badly wanted someone to love me. I guess I can say that I honestly don’t regret anything that has happened so far in this week. It’s not even been seven days, has it? And I do feel very much that I love you, and I can go with that now. But I fought it at the start. The whole thing was a vicious cycle from the beginning. The more I tried to forget about you, the more I wondered about you. The more I tried not to think, the more I did think about you. I couldn’t get rid of you. Going back to that day, I called you hoping to see you because I thought maybe then I could get you out of my head. Maybe we wouldn’t like each other after all? I was so relieved to hear that you had a long-term boyfriend, though I didn’t show it. At least I was at first, but then we spent more time together and… well… you know the rest,” Eddie finished, extinguishing his cigarette in the ashtray between us.

“So, how exactly do we feel about each other now? I mean, a lot has happened since then,” I inquired not only to him, but also deep inside myself.

“I think we’re reluctantly, yet madly, in love,” Eddie mumbled, as if he was reluctant to even say it.

“I would agree. Ya can’t help how you feel, you know?” I excused us.

“Yeah, boy do I know,” he chuckled slightly.

“I think we’ve pretty much succumbed to our emotions, they’ve got us pretty well roped in. They’re like cute fuzzy monsters,” I began, taking the last drag from my cigarette and then putting it out in the tray.

“Cute fuzzy monsters?” Eddie laughed.

“Yeah, emotions are cute fuzzy monsters. They can be great, warm and fuzzy when you’re feeling the right ones, but they all have a real dark side to them.”

“Oh really?”

“Yes. Take love for example. It can be the most beautiful and enjoyable emotion a human being can feel, but it can be just as dangerous and destructive. Love, an awful thing. You starve for it, yet, in the great words of Brian May, ‘too much love will kill you.’ Sad really. So sad, it’s a song title,” I continued to ramble on. Eddie got quiet. I looked over at him and saw that he was staring ahead, deep in thought.

“What’s wrong, Eddie?” I asked softly.

“Nothing, I was just thinking how you and I are far too similar in some ways. Different, but still very much the same. It’s funny how compressed I am emotionally and how emotional you are, but yet we still seem to think the same way about emotion… especially love. We’re so afraid of it and what it can do to us, but we can’t fight our feelings… especially for each other,” he finished with a sigh.

“Wow, that’s deep. Told you car rides are educational.”

“Yes, and I believe you.”

Chapter 4

We cruised for another hour after reaching Fayette County.  We cruised the back roads through Rock Mills, rode the curves and watched the sunlight flash in wild patterns through the red and orange leaves of the surrounding trees. We blasted rock music (playing stuff out of my CD book) and talked more about the recent events in our relationship. Musically, we went through a range of things from Queen (of course) to Duran Duran and back. Joe Satriani, David Bowie, Merril Bainbridge, Enya, Bjork… just to name a few. What can I say; I have a broad range of tastes.

Since we were so close to my home, I asked Eddie if he’d like to meet my mom… ‘cos she sure wanted to meet him. He was happy to oblige. We crept quietly up the walk to the front door.

“Ooh… I’ve got a much better idea,” I said, stopping just short of the door.

“What’s that?” Eddie whispered, intrigued.

“You wanna see if we can scare the crap out of my mom?” I smiled devilishly.

“Yeah, if you’re sure it’s o.k.”

“Right, let’s go back here,” I whispered motioning for him to follow me. We crept again, quietly… creeping, creeping… around to the back of the house and onto the deck. I peeked in slightly to be sure my mom was right where I expected her to be. The sun was newly set; she was lying on the couch, eyes glued to the light of the telly. Darkness crept in around us. Suddenly, I jumped and slapped my hands against the glass door, yelling and screeching like a banshee. My mom jumped and screamed bloody murder. Eddie just stared and tried to swallow his laughter. I laughed out loud, holding my sides and bending at the waist, unable to contain myself. My mom opened the door and proceeded to clutch her heart, telling me how not funny that was. Eddie still managed to contain himself.

“Don’t ever do that again!” my mom exclaimed.

“I’m sorry, it had to be done,” I laughed. “Hey Mom, look who I brought with me.” She turned on the light as my stepdad came out of the hall.

“Good lord, it’s you!” she freaked. My stepdad just saw the make-up and ran back to the office. I didn’t bother to explain his aversion to the alternative sexualities, just went on and introduced Eddie and my mom.

“I can’t believe it’s you!” she continued, still quite astonished.

“Don’t mind her, she’s just star struck. I promise, she really is normal,” I insisted. “Just don’t show him all the different kinds of Cesar you feed Muppy,” I joked.

“Muppy?” Eddie questioned.

“Her name is actually Rusty, but sometimes we call her Mr. Dog,” my mom said, picking the dog up from the couch so as to avoid her attacking Eddie.

“Mom, please… no quotes. She’s one of those inbred, I mean, pure bred dogs… Jack Russell Terrier… on crack,” I explained.

“And you feed her Cesar?” Eddie asked.

“Yes, but she was eating that before Kelli showed me your videos,” my mom explained.

“Oh, good,” Eddie replied shortly.

“Well, we really must be going. Been cruising for hours. It’s getting quite dark,” I said, hinting that we should go back.

“Oh no, stay and play Scrabble with us. I want to see if Eddie can beat Max,” my mom insisted.

“If you can even get Max (my stepdad) to remain in the same room for more than a second. Sorry, Eddie, he doesn’t understand the whole make-up thing,” I admitted lowly, very embarrassed.

“That’s o.k., I’m used to it. Actually, I’d love a game of Scrabble,” Eddie smiled widely.

“Alright then, let’s have at it. I’m game,” I caved. We played a game of Scrabble, which, for the first time in recorded history, Max lost… to Eddie. He beat us all. Eddie and I won at Mad Gab and then finally decided it was time to go. We thanked my parents for a great time and I hugged my mom goodbye. Time to trek back to Beavercreek.

Chapter 5

I felt good as we pulled into the hotel parking lot. As I parked the car, I felt an uncontrollable urge to join Eddie for coffee.

“Won’t you come in?” Eddie asked, smiling at my side as he undid his seat belt. I kept mine on. It was the only thing between me and jumping Eddie in the car.

“I think I’d better get back. It’s getting late and I can’t afford to miss class tomorrow,” I excused myself.

“Oh please, we don’t have to do anything. No pressure,” he insisted.

“Oh come on, Eddie, you know what will happen if I go with you,” I said, giving him the eye.

“And what would be so bad about that?” he purred in my ear.

“Good night, Eddie,” I breathed. He kissed me on the cheek.

“Goodnight,” he sighed. We agreed to meet the next day and I drove on home.

Chapter 6

12:01a.m. Thursday night.

Back at the dorm, in my jammies, lying quietly in bed. I lay thinking what an unusual adventure this day was. It began with heartbreak and ended somewhere in between there and heartwarmth, I suppose. I still couldn’t shake the feeling; it lingered there inside me. Where were we going with this? I knew he couldn’t stay much longer, he’d have to leave sometime… the question was… would I go with him?

*Ring… ring… ri-*

“Hello?”

“Hi Leah, it’s me, Kelli.”

“Oh, *yawn*, Kelli. How are you?”

“I’m in need of help. Can I meet you tomorrow? I’ll bring Eddie’s payment with me.”

“Yeah, can you meet me here about four?”

“Yes.”

“And you’re paying for your friend’s reading?”

“Yes.”

“You’re getting one for yourself too.”

“… Yes.”

“You’re wondering what direction to take with him, aren’t you?”

“……Yes.”

“The more questions I ask, the more you hesitate. He’s really got you, hasn’t he? You’re just not willing to admit to yourself how much.”

*silence*

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yes. Thanks Leah.”

“You’re welcome, sweetheart. Bye.”

“Bye.”

Part 8 Chapter 1 

“So that’s it?” 

“That’s all the cards want you to know at this time.” 

“That’s crap. That didn’t answer a stinkin’ thing. Dammit. I wanted an answer. There’s no answer here! A choice? I have to make a choice? I’ve got like two options of what that could mean and no stinkin’ answer!” I started to rant like Lewis Black. I couldn’t believe what Leah was telling me. All the cards said was that I had a major choice ahead of me. Nothing more, some less. 

“That’s what the cards see as the most important thing for you to know,” Leah said, looking apologetic as she gathered her cards from the table. 

“I’m sorry Leah, I don’t mean to take this out on you. It’s just that, I needed specifics and the cards seem to still be playing the vague game. They were vague with Eddie and they’re being just as ambiguous with me. I just need to know-” 

“You already know deep inside what it is that you must do. The cards are just hinting at what that is. You already have the answer. You have it deep inside your heart. You love him, Kelli, and he loves you madly. You know these things. The thing is, do you love him enough to risk everything you have for him? Are you willing to take a chance or two? Ask yourself these questions and it is there you will find the answer,” Leah explained, placing her hand over mine on the table. 

“Why am I faced with this choice... and why is it so hard?” I asked, staring at the floor in thought. 

“You know the answer to that question ,too.” 

Chapter 2 

The clouds that had overcast the sky had darkened. I heard the coming storm rumble from within them as I sped out of Yellow Springs. I didn’t bother to pass on through Fairborn, I caught the freeway and headed on up to North Fairfield Road. I knew doing that would tempt me to go to the hotel instead of back to the dormitory, but it seemed the quickest and thus safest route.  

I was going to have to meet him there sometime anyway. The rain cut loose from the unforgiving heavens as I came to the intersection. So, there I was.  

Left or right? One direction would take me towards home... the other would guide me into a possibly even more dangerous situation... emotionally anyhow. Eddie’s hotel was closer. 

I found myself in the turn lane that would take me towards his hotel. I had no choice, I had to go that way. The light changed. I gunned it. I wasted no time. I sped through yellow lights. How did I even know he would be there? I don’t know but, coincidentally enough, I parked next to his rental car. Lightening chased across the sky, and thunder soon followed. I stumbled out of the car and bolted for the main entrance. 

Once at Eddie’s door, I caught my breath and gave a hesitant knock. Shortly after I knocked, he answered. My heart was in my throat. I wasn’t sure why, but it was. I could hear music playing from inside. I had let Eddie borrow my CD book. He was making good use of Houses of the Holy for the moment. He greeted me, guided me in and finished cleaning up his mess from the table. 

“I wasn’t expecting you just yet, I’m sorry. I’ll just get this all cleared away,” Eddie excused himself. 

“Oh Eddie, I’m so glad to finally be here with you. Looks like we’re staying in tonight. I won’t even bother to ask if you mind me staying. I still have the clothes I got from home so no worries about what I’ll wear,” I babbled awkwardly. He knew something was up. He had to know there was something I wasn’t telling him. 

“Did something happen to you? You’re white as a sheet,” Eddie asked, walking towards me. 

“What are you talking about? I’m always white as a sheet.” I shrugged his question off, though I could still see it in his eyes. I pushed myself closer to him and put my arms around him. I looked deeply into his questioning eyes and hushed them with a kiss to his lips. It was dark as night outside. The Rain Song came floating through the air as I pulled him to the bed. I smiled and pushed my fears and doubts out of my head. I listened with my heart for the right words to say in that moment. 

“Eddie, you have brought my life great joy. I’ll never truly let these moments with you pass me by. I love you madly. I know this sounds cheesy but, take me. Take me now and abandon all thought. Just live emotion, nothing else. Just let your feelings drive you,” I paused with a quick breath, whispering now, “to ... me.” We kissed and he pushed me against the bed. 

Robert Plant’s soaring song floated across the darkness to us, inspiring even more tenderness. We lusted for each other... Not through need of passion... Not through need of satisfaction for a most impure carnal urge, or animal appetite. It was for the love we both knew was in danger. Thunder crashed outside and in our hearts. The blood coursed hard through our veins. As lips met skin; tongues met eager flesh; arms grasped bodies, we savored what we could of the far too quickly fleeting moments. We fell into the abyss that is surrender; were caught by the net that is love in its purest form. No rose petals, no bubble bath waiting. Just us and the song playing in the darkness... 

...Talk Talk Talk Talk - I've felt the coldness of my winter I never thought it would ever go. I cursed the gloom that set upon us...

  But I know that I love you so...These are the seasons of emotion and like the winds they rise and fall. This is the wonder of devotion - I see the torch we all must hold. This is the mystery of the quotient - Upon us all a little rain must fall. Just a little rain.

(Page/Plant) 

Chapter 3 

“My plane leaves on Monday. I’d like to see you in the seat beside me,” Eddie breathed as I laid my head against his lightly freckled chest. 

“What?” I gasped. 

“Yes, I want you to come back with me to England,” he said, squeezing me against him. 

“England? I-, I-” 

“Kelli, what’s wrong?” I pulled away from his grasp gently and raised up over him slightly. 

“I can’t just go with you to England,” I blurted, surprisingly coldly. 

“But Kelli, what about everything we’ve shared? You can’t expect me to go back empty-handed. Think of all we’ve risked coming together like this. You’ve risked your relationship with another. We’ve both risked our hearts. Please, you can’t do this to me... to us,” Eddie pleaded. 

I felt my heart drop into depths I’d never known it could reach. I felt cold, inside and out. I felt sick. I didn’t know what to say. Sounds came out, but no words. I couldn’t even form words let alone say them. I watched Eddie’s eyes. To my surprise, I saw them quiver with tears. That which must have been compressed for years broke free for the moment. I shook my head and brought my hand up to his face. I cradled it gently in my palm. 

“No Eddie, don’t. You don’t understand. I just have to think about it. I have to turn my entire life upside-down to go with you. I mean, maybe I can’t go with you a couple of days from now, but I could come later. Don’t be upset. I’ll give it some serious thought, I promise,” I insisted quietly.  

His hand came up and met mine. He held it and his face softened. I pulled myself over him and kissed him. I laid against him again, this time my full body laying over him. I listened to his heartbeat and felt his breath from within him. I sighed with relief. He held me on top of him and kissed the top of my head. He seemed relieved as well. 

We lay silent for a while. I had just nearly reached dreamland when I felt Eddie squirm underneath me. I awoke with a gasp and pulled myself upright. 

“I’m sorry, did I frighten you?” Eddie apologized, looking as though my sudden movement had startled him just as much. 

“No, just woke me. I was just drifting in that place between sleep and awake,” I breathed, lying down next to him. 

“I have to go to the bathroom. Be right back,” he sighed, sliding out of the covers. I watched, captivated, as he walked nude to the bathroom. I still couldn’t get over my schoolgirl fascination with Eddie’s naked rear. I felt so immature, going all ga ga as I watched him walk away... naked. I maintained my girlish squeals to a sigh and just laid back in the plush covers. 

I lay thinking about what he had asked me mere moments before. Would I go with him? Could I go with him? What was I to do? Should I decide not to, how would I tell him? I had two days. I turned my feverish head toward the clock on the nightstand. 

9:00 p.m. 

Chapter 4 

10:33 p.m. 

The storm had calmed momentarily and the pizza had arrived. We sat (clothed) at the table and chatted about everything but my decision. I could say that it was I that was avoiding the subject, but that would be untrue. He seemed as eager to talk about it as I was... nil. The meal was soon done and we returned to the comfort of the bed as the next storm blew through. The rain pounded against the window. 

Time passed slowly. I could feel his heartbeat as if it were my own. I squeezed him tightly as he lay against me. I ran my fingers playfully through his hair. I breathed him in deep. I lay my head against his and draped my arms over his shoulders, allowing my hands to rest on his chest. I kissed the top of his head and nuzzled against him. He sighed in comfort and smiled up at me. 

“You’re very tender. Not a lot of women like this position for very long. It’s always the bloke’s position to hold the girl,” Eddie said, his voice breathy and sweet. 

“Well, you’re not really a man, are you? Lesbian in a man’s body; I think that qualifies you to be held for a while,” I said softly. I looked deeply into his big blue oceans and smiled warmly at his face. His smile grew wider in return. 

“I suppose you’re right. You can hold me as long as you like. You do like it, don’t you?” he questioned, his voice coming small and childlike. 

“I love it,” I kissed him on the cheek, “As I love you.” 

“And I love you,” he said firmly, unhesitant. He turned his head forward again. I felt his chest through his shirt, gliding my hands up toward his shoulders. I remembered how we first ended up in an intimate situation. I had hurt myself in the lobby of the Holiday Inn he was staying at and he rubbed my shoulders. I wanted to return the favor and do it just as he did. I dug my fingers deep into his muscles. I heard him moan slightly. His breath quickened. I rubbed his shoulders intensely. After a period of time, I slid my hands down the collar of his shirt and caressed his chest softly. He withdrew to remove his shirt. I had him lay back and rest his head in my lap. I caressed every inch of his exposed upper torso. 

“You are simply breathtaking. I’ve never set my eyes on such beauty,” I breathed softly. 

“You think so?” Eddie replied shakily. 

“I know so. I wish sometimes that I could stop time, take a picture of these moments. I wish I could memorize every detail. Every curve, every freckle. I wish I could put it all in a book inside my head so I could at any moment open it up and take a look inside. I wish I could record every sweet word, every gasp of ecstasy that has passed between us. I wish I could watch again and again our most romantic moments unfold. I just want to collect every memory as if it were my last, burn them in my brain forever as fresh as they just happened,” I stated slowly. He smiled up at me again, his face seeming warm and inviting. I leaned down and kissed him. He sat up and turned toward me. We kissed again and again, unable to stop ourselves. Our passion grew, no music necessary. I did hear Ensueño playing in my head as I laid him back on the bed. 

        ...Yo soñaba en ser tu mismo mar, tu mar,

  Es puente de unión

  De nuestras almas

  Vuelan, nos llaman

Al son de la eternidad.(Mercury/Moran/Caballé) 

Chapter 5 

The darkness swallowed us up. The rain had diminished to all but a sprinkle. The thunder had chased the lightening elsewhere. We lay slumberous, warm and content in each other’s arms. And so, we fell into it. We slept, bodies still intertwined. In the wee hours of Saturday morning, my dreams reminded me of my fleeting time with Eddie and the decision that had to be made. I awoke in a cold sweat, the red glow from the clock burning 5:38 a.m. into my retinas. Two days. Was that all I had left... or would I choose a longer engagement? Only time could tell... and I didn’t have much of it left. 

Chapter 6 

We went down to the Glen after breakfast. The morning sun had dried most of the rain from the previous night, so the trail wasn’t too muddy. Was this the last time we’d sit together on the rock face? I didn’t know, but the question remained. I could still smell the rain in the trees. It occurred to me that the storm the night before was the first time it had rained since Eddie and I had come together this time. Maybe it only rains when I go to Yellow Springs without him. I had a feeling it would rain again soon.  

I dangled my feet off the edge of the cliff and restlessly swung them back and forth. Eddie stayed quiet for the moment. The sun was shining warmly. I could hear the wind gently brush through the crisp autumn leaves and the sounds of the rushing waterfall nearby. I watched Eddie’s face; watched the light play across it; how the breeze blew gentle breaths at him. I watched how it caused his short, tousled blonde locks to just tickle the sides of his face and his forehead. He looked back at me, smiling his usual killer smile. 

Eddie’s smile soon faded and a look of concern swept over his beautiful face. I knew what he was going to say. I felt myself try to shut my ears. I heard the words despite my best efforts to shut them out. 

“Have you thought about what I asked you?” he inquired directly. I didn’t know what to say. It was funny how speechless I could be in Eddie’s presence. He was the only one that could create such silence in me. “Well?” 

“Eddie, I don’t know how to answer that,” I replied honestly. 

“I’m sorry, I know it’s a hard decision. It’s just that, we don’t have much more time. One more day. I leave Monday morning. You’re going to have to tell me by tomorrow night,” he explained calmly. 

“Won’t you need to buy a ticket for me? I can’t just sneak on with the luggage. They’re looking closely at bags now, I’m sure they’ll notice a small human being hiding inside a suitcase. Whoever discovers me will probably shit their pants,” I rambled, trying to pull a joke together at the end. 

“I bought the ticket the day you and I took a break... just in case. First class. You and I, sipping champagne. You’ll get to see London. You told me before that you always wanted to see London. You could start a new life there. I’m not saying you’re old life is worth leaving. But, you did say once, did you not, that you wished for adventure. Europe is a lot more exciting than Yellow Springs, Ohio. There are so many things I can show you, so many places to see. Think about these things. Think about adventure. Think about love and adventure,” he said, taking my hand. I felt something change inside myself. I wanted to go with him even more. I felt that I could. I could abandon everything I’ve ever known and everything attached to me and start over with Eddie. I always wanted to go to England. I could do this. I could see us together, happy and in love in London. I pulled him to me and squeezed him tight. I kissed him hard and gave myself over to the thought of going with him. I didn’t answer him just yet, though. style="mso-spacerun: yes">  I just hushed his lips with my own for the moment. 

We spent the day out and about, walking together and shopping. It was a simple day. Laughing, talking. We got as much of it in as we could, though I was under the impression he thought I was definitely going with him. We went to Cooker and enjoyed a nice romantic dinner. Your general perfect date. 

“To us, and many happy days ahead,” Eddie said, raising his glass in a toast. 

“To many happy European days,” I smiled playfully, taking as big a drink as I could from my straw. Did I mean that? I wanted to. I just shrugged off my doubt and went with it. 

“This is where we first had dinner together. I remember it well. You were just starting to hint that you had full knowledge of who I was. You were so cute. It’s hard to believe something so simple led us into something so complicated. Don’t misunderstand me, I don’t mind the complication. It’s just funny how something so simple and seemingly insignificant can become so important and consuming in a way,” Eddie went on, rambling as though he was talking faster than he could think. 

“Our beginnings were humble and sweet. It all happened so fast, though. Do you ever wonder if we just, if you’ll forgive my using one of your quotes, had our common sense glands removed? I know we just kind of fell into this, and that’s what’s really romantic about it, but I can’t help but wonder sometimes. Do you think we rushed into this too fast? Or did we rush it because we were worried about having limited time?” I said shakily, poking my straw at my daiquiri. I averted my eyes. I was afraid I had angered him. He took a few moments to reply. I could feel his eyes; cold blue oceans beginning to freeze. So cold, they burned. 

“Are you starting to have doubts?” he asked simply, sounding as unmoved as he could. 

“No, just theorizing a bit. Eddie, I’m just scared. I’ve fallen so hard for you. I sometimes find myself wishing we’d never met. You do things to me. I’ve never been so taken. You bastard, you stole my heart.” I joked only to keep myself from crying. 

“It’s not been easy on my side either. You can be a real charmer at times. Asking you to come with me is like asking to be chained to a clever fox. I’m not sure how that makes any sense, but it sounded better before I said it out loud,” Eddie laughed. 

“Have you changed your mind?” I asked, finding myself a little too excited. 

“No, I was just making a joke. I’m sorry, did I scare you?” he asked apologetically. 

“Oh no, just inquiring in the same joking fashion.” I lied straight through my teeth. I did want him to change his mind. I took another big drink from my daiquiri, wondering if it would be bad form to order some harder alcohol at this point. I just swallowed my realization point down with some more alcohol and smiled as happily as I could. Here’s to ending that conversation... please. 

Once back at the hotel, we settled in for the night. We had returned somewhere around ten o’clock. We curled up on the bed and watched television for a bit. Saturday night television is crap, even on cable. Shortly after coming to this realization, I popped Disc One of Joe Satriani’s Time Machine into the CD player and sauntered on back to the bed. I was going to wear this poor man out. 

Chapter 7 

Sunday, 3:15 p.m. Less than 24 hours left. A final decision to be made... in less than 12. 

I ran a couple of errands in Beavercreek. Oh, who am I kidding? I didn’t run any stupid errands, I just drove around between Beavercreek and Yellow Springs to clear my head. I was scared... terrified really. I couldn’t decide. Just the thought of leaving everything and everyone I knew behind made me ill. I owed everyone a goodbye at least. I hadn’t even called my family to tell them I had been asked to leave the country. What would I do about my schooling? So many thoughts running through my head that I had to pull off of road and stop the car. I sat for a moment, then fumbled through my bag for my cell phone. I was a bit out of the way of the city, so the signal wasn’t fantastic, but I had to call my mom. 

“Mom?” I replied frantically as she answered my call. 

“Kelli? What’s wrong?” she inquired, sounding panicked herself. 

“Eddie has asked me to go back with him to England. He’s leaving tomorrow. I haven’t given him a straight answer yet, but I think he thinks I’m going with him. What do I do?” I babbled hysterically, starting to cry. 

“He asked you to go with him and you didn’t even tell me?” my mom said coldly, sounding insulted and hurt. 

“I’m sorry, mom. I guess I thought I definitely wasn’t going to say yes, but then I thought that I might and- and I just don’t know at all. I’m so scared. I don’t want to lose him, but I can’t just leave everything I know and love here to be with someone I’ve only known a short time and oh, and oh... can’t you just say I can’t go and that will be the end of it. Yeah, that’s it. I’ll tell him you won’t let me go-” 

“Kelli, I can’t do that. You’re twenty-one years old. This is a decision you have to make for yourself. If you don’t want to go with him, you’ll have to sort that out for yourself. Maybe you could go with him for just a short time. You said he lives in the U.S. part of the time. Maybe you can just wait till he comes back next. You can’t just let him go. You love him, right?” she said firmly, trying to be as helpful as possible. 

“I do, mom, I love him. But I hate him just the same! How could he do this to me?! How could he expect me to uproot my entire life just so he could have me for himself... he’s such a man that way!” I cried, becoming more irrational and incoherent as I went on. 

“Kelli, settle down. If he cares for you half as much as you do for him, he’ll understand. Tell him what you’re feeling. That’s all I know to tell you. But do call me if you’re leaving the country. Do you even have a passport?” 

“No, but I suppose I’ll get that all sorted out. Honestly, I don’t think I’ll go... but he can be persuasive. I’ll call you tomorrow,” I said, settling myself down. 

“Alright, I’ll talk to you then. Good luck. I love you,” my mom said sincerely. 

“Love you too, Mom. Bye,” I breathed, shutting the phone and throwing it to the seat. 

Chapter 8 

This was it... the moment of truth. We were cuddling on the bed, as usual, when I said the unthinkable. 

“Eddie,” I began shakily. 

“Yes,” he replied softly. 

“If I were to say I couldn’t go with you, you would understand, wouldn’t you?” I choked, not believing what I had just blurted. 

“You’re,” he paused, “You’re not coming with me?” he breathed most mournfully. 

“That’s not exactly what I said.” 

“Well, it would have to be alright. I understand I can’t just uproot your entire life just to run off with an old fart like me. You’re a student. You’re young. Too many risks I suppose. I don’t even know what I was thinking asking you a thing like that. I-” 

“Eddie, no. I want to be with you. I want to run off and forget everything ordinary thing about my boring life. I really do. I want you to be my knight in shining armor; my most delightful Prince Charming. Oh, Eddie, you can’t imagine what I feel for you. Don’t think those things, please. You have no idea what you mean to me. I want to go, I want to... it’s just that-” 

“It’s just that what?” 

“It’s just that, yeah, I have responsibilities here. I have an education to complete. You want me to come with you to England? And then where? Eddie, you travel... a lot. What am I supposed to do the rest of the time? Traveling the world with you sounds like a wonderful adventure but, it’s just not practical.” Tears had begun to form in my eyes and my voice felt restrained by the coming cry. “Let’s face it, Eddie, we haven’t been very practical this whole time. I mentioned that before. But don’t mistake what I have to do with what I want to do. I still want very much to be with you, I just can’t.” 

“So, what are you saying? This is it?” Eddie asked coldly, withdrawing from my side. He stood up from the bed and walked to the table where he retrieved his cigarettes. style="mso-spacerun: yes">  He took one slowly from the pack and placed it roughly in his mouth. He lit it and turned back toward me. I remained mum. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t fathom a reply. He stared me down, his cold blue eyes burning with pain. Suddenly, his face dropped. 

“You’re right,” he said, forcing out a slight chuckle. My eyes grew wide in shock. I felt my jaw drop from my face. 

“I rushed this all too far. You were just supposed to pick up and leave tomorrow. How selfish of me. I apologize deeply. We have been quite daft the last few days. God, it all happened so fast. We just let it run us over, didn’t we? I feel quite silly now. How did we let it get this far? I feel like such a fool. Embarrassed really,” Eddie stammered, his face flushing. He looked as though he might throw up. 

I stood up from the bed and walked toward him. Tears in my eyes, I pulled him against me. I was almost surprised to feel him return the embrace. I figured he’d push me away. I felt my tears wet his shirt. I couldn’t help it, I burst. He stubbed his cigarette out in the tray on the table and held me tight. 

“I love you, Eddie,” I cried into his chest, “I don’t want to let you go. I don’t care if it’s daft or if we’ve been completely ridiculous all this time. None of this would have happened if it didn’t mean anything. We were meant to share this. If nothing else, it was to teach us something. I got a reading once from Leah that said you were my teacher. You’ve taught me so much... Eddie, none of this could’ve been in vain... it just couldn’t-” He hushed me, lifting my head up at him. My face felt hot, tears streaming down my cheeks. I looked into his soft blue eyes. I’ll never ever forget that look. So much love and compassion. I’ll never set my eyes on a more lovely face. 

“Kelli, this is our last night-” 

“It doesn’t have to be. You could extend your stay. You could always come back. You-” 

“Kelli, you know I can’t. You know we can’t do this to ourselves. This is it for us, we both know that. Anything more would be far too painful. It would be torture. The more we get, the more we’ll want. Maybe someday, when the time is right and we’re better prepared, maybe then it can be... but for now, we have to let it go. It’s the only way to keep our sanity. 

“Eddie,” my voice came out in nothing but a whisper. He kissed me deeply. He fumbled behind him for the play button on the CD player. He pressed it and then proceeded to find the forward button. He backed me up all the way to the bed as Ensueño (from Barcelona) began to play. My tears had calmed as he kissed me. He laid me back on the bed and let his emotion consume us both. This time was our last. We took it slowly, savoring each passing second. We loved each other tenderly, yet madly. Hearts and bodies melted as one for the last time. In my mind, I committed to memory every curve and freckle... recorded every ecstatic breath... burnt into my brain every sensation I felt with Eddie. We each soared so high, we could have touched the face of God. What we had was divine. No one could touch us. We flew on angels’ wings. Sadly, our precious moments were short. We selfishly requested eternity at our finger tips, and were punished so. We would live with the memory, but nothing more. Who would have figured so much could happen within only seven days? 

Chapter 9 

His bags were packed. It was merely a few hours before his plane would leave. He sat with me on the bed. I thought we both would cry, but we managed to hold it together... in front of each other anyway. 

“So, this is it... the end. It was certainly an adventure,” I sighed, forcing a smile. 

“You never know. We may meet again, and maybe then, not have to part. It’s funny how goodbye is never really goodbye, y’know? We should feel fortunate. We could be leaving things under worse circumstances. We’re lucky to have had these experiences. I think we learned a lot about ourselves and our capabilities. We both know love for the cute fuzzy demon it can be,” Eddie said, laughing slightly at the end. I hugged him firmly, relishing his embrace. 

“It’s been wild. Far beyond a learning experience. I’ll never forget it, not a bit of it,” I promised as I pulled away and stared once more into his most compelling blue orbs. 

“I’ll never forget you,” he said simply, kissing me on the forehead. He gathered his things and I helped him load them into his rental car. We stood outside, the sky becoming gray as the moments passed. 

“Stay safe out there. I’ll be cheering you on for your next project,” I smiled sincerely. He took my hands into his and took a long penetrating look at my face. He looked as though he was memorizing me just as I stood there. I did the same to him. His lips trembled. I kissed them and we held each other for what seemed like eternity... only still far too short. We kissed and kissed as a tear or two slid down my cheeks. We parted reluctantly and looked each other over once more. Words could not express what we were feeling, though we each mouthed the words, “I love you.” 

He was just about to leave when I frantically grabbed his arm. 

“Wait!” I cried. I stumbled to my car and violently threw the door open. I scrambled for my book of Robert Frost poems. I tore out the desired page and slammed the door.         “Here, I want you to take this,” I said, handing him the page... 

RELUCTANCE

Out through the fields and the woods        
And over the walls I have wended;
I have climbed the hills of view        
And looked at the world, and descended;
I have come by the highway home,        
And lo, it is ended. The leaves are all dead on the ground,        
Save those that the oak is keeping
To ravel them one by one        
And let them go scraping and creeping
Out over the crusted snow,        
When others are sleeping.
And the dead leaves lay huddled and still,        
No longer blown hither and thither;
The last lone aster is gone;        
The flowers of the witch hazel wither;
The heart is still aching to seek,        
But the feet question “Whither?”
Ah, when to the heart of man        
Was it ever less than a treason
To go with the drift of things,        
To yield with a grace to reason,
And bow and accept the end        
Of a love or a season?
(Frost) 

Chapter 10 

We catch eyes briefly. My presence in the third row makes him stumble a bit shortly thereafter. He apparently didn’t expect me to be in the audience. I was attending his New York show with Laura and my mom. Aaron and his friend Brian (who had gotten me into this mess to begin with by bringing those videos over two years before) had come separately from us. 

Nobody had won in the end of all that drama. I didn’t make a choice between the two. It had occurred to me when Leah said I had a choice to make, that it meant I had to choose between Aaron and Eddie. Neither won in that respect. I chose to stay close to my family and work on my studies and to leave all binding relationships of the romantic kind behind for the moment. Smartest decision I ever made. Working on a masters in English at Wright State; currently taking a break to watch the master perform his work. 

It’s cold outside, starting to snow as we stand waiting for Mr. Izzard to come meet the mob. Not quite in front with the lucky bastards who got here first, but we anxiously wait our turn anyway. Some Izzardites scoff silently to themselves as I tell Laura more of the tale or our whirlwind romance. They roll their eyes and point, whispering. Suddenly, there he is. He stands back for a moment, scanning the crowd. He pushes the first insistent fans aside for the moment... scanning, scanning. I stand still as a rabbit camouflaging itself against its surroundings. Our eyes meet once more. He pushes his way through the crowd, dead set in his direction. And so, here he is in front of me. My heart stops as time slows. He looks right into my face, his penetrating blue orbs showing more determination than I can remember seeing in a person’s eyes. His hand comes up and without a word, he hands me a crinkled and worn piece of paper. With that, he smiles at Laura, who is melting at my side. I open the haggard page. RELUCTANCE. I smile up at him. He returns the expression, takes my hand, kisses it and walks away. It is at this point I notice a note scribbled underneath the poem. I smile to myself as I read his words. 

“Cup of coffee?” 

THE END.