WARNING: This story contains sexual content. Proceed with caution.

"Puddle." I looked down and realised there was, indeed, a large puddle situated directly in front of my new black leather dress boots.

"Aren't you going to carry me over," I asked. Winking at Tony, I stepped to the side to avoid the mud.

"I would have, you know." I placed my arm firmly around his waist.

"I know. Wouldn't want you to strain yourself or anything." He smacked my arse playfully before putting his arm on my shoulder. "Hey!" I looked up, realising my hotel was just down the street. We were standing under the awning of a pub. "I'm gonna go in for a drink. Care to join me?"

"No, I've got to get home. Feed the cats, look after my mum, the usual." Tony looked at his watch. "Although it is tempting..."

"Well, I won't keep you. Get going." He wrapped me in a big bear hug, kissing both cheeks.

"Call me before you go home, won't you?"

"Of course. See you later, mate." Tony walked off, glancing back at me and smiling. It was actually nice out, cloudy but nice. So I decided to hang outside the pub and have a cigarette. I lit up and blew a stream of smoke into the night sky.

"Oy! You there!" I snapped my head to the right and saw a group of three guys coming toward me.

"Yeah?" They looked a bit scary. They were young guys, a bit older than me, and quite big. But I was outside a crowded pub in London, and it was early. I wasn't too worried. I should have been.

"Got the time?" They stepped up right in front of me. Taking a deep drag of my cigarette to calm my nerves, I glanced at my wristwatch.

"It's--" I was cut off by a large fist pounding into my face. "What the--" Again, my voice was silenced by a fist, this time in the gut. Gasping for breath, I looked up questioningly.

"We saw you." Standing up as straight as I could, I opened my mouth again to ask what they had seen. Big mistake. Another sock to my jaw. The thug continued. "You and your little boyfriend, holding hands, kissing, hugging, all that faggoty shit." Guess I'm passing better than I thought, I said to myself. Now, how do I get out of this one? I hadn't been in a fight since I was about twelve (I'd lost that one badly), and even then it was just one on one. I knew there was no way I could take three guys on.

"Look, he was just my friend, okay? Really."

"Then why were you hugging him?" I didn't have an answer for this one. Tony really was just my friend.

"Don't you ever hug your mates," I asked cautiously.

"Are you calling me a faggot?" He turned to his friends. "I think this little cunt is calling me a faggot." I shook my head.

"No, I'm not." His cronies glared at me menacingly. I dropped my cigarette and crushed it, trying to be casual. Well, as casual as you can be with blood streaming down the side of your face. I wiped at the blood, smearing it on the back of my hand.

"Now you're calling me a liar, too?" Shit. The thug reached into his pocket and grabbed something. A bright flash of metal caught the neon lights at the pub's window. The thug fluttered his hand, opening up a silver butterfly knife. I'm fucking dead. He shoved me hard in the chest. "What the fuck is this? This little fag's got tits! What are you, some sick tranny?" He brandished his knife menacingly, not knowing just how accurate his guess had been.

"Look, man, you don't want to do this." I put my hands up, surrendering. "There's lots of people in this bar..."

"Are you a fag," he asked casually. I was slightly confused by his sudden change in demeanour.

"What? I think you've conclusively determined that I am, even though you've got no proof."

"Don't be a fucking smartarse. Just answer the question. Are you a fag?"

"I fancy men, if that's what you're after."

"Well do you think anybody gives a rat's arse about a fag like you?" He stiffened up again, flexing his muscles and cocking his head to look more menacing. Why wasn't anyone coming to help me? It was starting to rain now. Maybe they were all staying in until it cleared up. Couldn't anybody be a bit daring and venture out? "Answer me, you poof!"

"Somebody might..." I should have kept my big mouth shut.

"You think so, ey? Where's your little boyfriend now?" He tightened his grip on the knife and I jumped back as he swiped it across my stomach. His friends shouted excitedly. I clutched at the cut, then looked down. He had drawn blood, but it was just a flesh wound. Fuck. He's just ruined my favourite shirt. That really pissed me off. Putting my head down like a mad rugby player, I punched him hard in the face, cutting his cheek up with my ring, then lunged at him, grabbing his right wrist with one hand and his throat with the other. I pinned him up against a street light. He was shocked, and didn't react right away. His mates must've been shocked, too. They just stood and stared at us. I tightened my grip on his wrist and larynx. He dropped the knife. Finally, he and his friends snapped into action. He kneed me hard in the crotch. Even with the bit of padding I had, it was close to the worst pain I'd ever experienced. I doubled over, clutching at my aching groin, and he kicked me in the face. One of his friends then grabbed me by the arms while the other checked on his mate. Reacting purely on adrenaline, I elbowed my assailant in the gut and kicked the knife away. It clattered into a nearby gutter. Then I ran for the pub's door.

I hadn't gotten five feet when I was grabbed again and thrown to the ground in the mud. This time I didn't fight back. I curled up in a ball, facing the wall, and braced myself. Searing pain shot through my body as the three men kicked me in every spot they could. I stifled my screams until I caught a steel- toed boot to the tailbone.

"FUCK!!!" I thought I was going to die. No, I knew I was going to die. I couldn't take much more of this. I caught a few more kicks before I heard a familiar voice.

"Hey! Just what the fuck do you think you're doing?" The kicks relented for a few seconds. I kept my eyes closed while they started bashing into me again. "I said, what the fuck are you doing?" This time the kicking didn't stop. From the muffled sounds of leather beating into flesh, I distinctly heard the sharp sound of glass shattering. I was too far gone to understand why the glass was being broken, whose voice I was hearing, or much of anything else. But I knew that the broken glass had caused the kicking to stop. "Get away from the kid."

"What are you gonna do about it?"

"Call the cops, perhaps?"

"Fuck, let's just go." Hearing footsteps getting farther away, I relaxed, just in time to feel a huge shoe smash into the back of my head. The last thing I heard was the sound of a bottle flying through the air and smashing on the ground, and the last thug running off. Then I gave up and lost consciousness.

***

Feeling an incredible pounding sensation in my head, I opened my eyes. My vision was blurred. Where the hell was I? I was lying on my back, my head propped up on... Someone's lap? I blinked a few times and things came into focus a bit more. I was in a car. The back of a cab.

"Hey, you," I heard someone whisper. It was the voice from before. "Are you okay?" I looked up and saw a pair of piercing, watery blue eyes staring down at me. I tried to speak but no words came. It was all just as well; I didn't know what to say. I had no idea what was going on. "Shhhh," said the voice. "Go back to sleep." As I closed my eyes I felt soft fingers brush a strand of wet hair from my forehead.

***

Half- asleep, I felt myself being carried up a flight of stairs. I heard the familiar sounds of keys jangling and then unlocking a door.

"Bloody good job I'm not wearing heels," the voice muttered. Warmth flooded my body, and again I lost consciousness.

***

I was half- vertical. And then, I wasn't. Various limbs were being lifted and set back down again. I was on a cloud. A soft, fuzzy cloud. I opened my eyes and immediately closed them again. Bright light blinded me. Was I dead? No, I hurt too much, and I didn't believe in God anyway. I tried opening my eyes again. Pieces of information flowed into my brain. I saw the body that belonged to the voice and blue eyes. It was slightly short and stocky. It had light brown hair with blond frosted tips. The hair was glued to the man's forehead with water and sweat. I knew I had seen this man before, many times. I decided that at this moment I didn't really need to know who he was. But what was he doing? He had a look of deep concern and concentration in those ocean blue eyes. The fuzzy cloud I was laying on was actually a white terrycloth robe. I was situated on a large bed with velvety blue blankets. The man was undressing me. Under normal circumstances I probably would have objected, but right then I didn't feel up to complaining. He was now puzzling over the suspicious bulge my Jockeys. It didn't quite match up with the natural bulges on my chest. Carefully, he slid his hand under my lower back to lift me up a bit, then gently pulled the pants off and set them with on top of a pile of my other soaking wet, mud- covered clothes. He glanced at what he'd uncovered, and, with a knowing grin, closed the robe up over me.

***

The next time I woke up, it was from the vertigo. I'd experienced this once before. I stared up at the ceiling and wondered why I was being spun around. I closed my eyes and it wasn't any better. My eyes hurt from trying to follow the spinning of the room, yet I couldn't stop them from twirling around.

"Shit." I did the only thing I could think of, jamming my fingers into my eyelids to stop my eyeballs from moving. Eventually, it worked. And I heard the voice again.

"Is this a morning ritual, sticking your fingers in your eyes?"

"Vertigo," I croaked. Wait a minute, the voice in my head told me. Who are you talking to? Where are you? I tried to sit up and groaned in agony.

"Hang about. Don't try to sit up. I want to clean you up a bit, if you don't mind."

"Where..."

"Don't worry. I'm Eddie, and you're in my bed. Do you feel like telling me your name?" Which one, I thought. There are so many. "Excuse me?" Oops, must've spoken aloud. "How many names have you got?"

"Too many. Umm..." I said the first thing that popped into my head. "Eddie."

"Yes?" I turned my head towards the voice, and saw Eddie sitting cross- legged on the bed in a pair of blue underpants and nothing else.

"I meant..."

"That's your alias?" I nodded and immediately regretted it. Pain shot up my neck. In a flash, I recalled the previous night's events.

"I think I'll just speak now. No more nodding."

"Hey, you're American!"

"Yeah. But, don't tell anybody." I had been using my best British accent the night before and must've forgotten to slip it on this particular morning. But I had more important things on my mind. Like, why did Eddie seem so familiar? And why was he laughing?

"Sorry... That just struck me as funny. Now... If we're both called Eddie that may get a bit confusing. So do you want to give me a different name, or do you just want to call me 'Mr. Life- Saving Hero- Man'?"

"Demian." I gave him one of my many other aliases. Not that I didn't want him to know my name... I just didn't really want anybody to know my name.

"Funny, your ID says you're a Miss Courtney. Would you prefer if I called you Demian?" Why would he ask my name if he'd read the ID, I wondered.

"Yup."

"Okay, Miss... Mister?"

"Yup," I said again.

"Mr. Demian... do you mind if I clean you up a bit now?"

"Errrrr, yeah. No. I mean... go ahead." Eddie stood up and bounced off into the bathroom. I heard sounds of bottles being moved around, things crinkling, and other odd noises, before Eddie bounced back out of the bathroom, clutching a bottle of rubbing alcohol and some cotton balls. "Enjoying yourself?"

"Sorry..." I smiled at him. He handed me a painkiller and cup of water. I downed it quickly and set the empty cup on the night stand.

"Quite all right, deary. Do as you like. It is your house."

"I see you're feeling better. Feel like sitting up?" Being wide awake, I'd regained a lot of my energy. And I remembered why this Eddie seemed so familiar. How could I not have recognised him? He was only Eddie Izzard, the one person I'd been aching to meet for the past three years or so. I sat up and leaned against the headboard. Eddie set the cleaning- up things on a small nightstand near the bed and sat down next to me. "So... What brought on all that last night," Eddie inquired, spinning the top off the alcohol bottle and soaking up a cotton ball.

"Well," I said as he touched the dripping cotton to my forehead. I sucked air between my teeth. "Ouch."

"Sorry." Eddie blew softly on the cut. "Better?" I nodded again, more carefully this time. "Continue."

"They saw me with my friend Tony... Thought we were gay... And decided they'd like to act like the big hetero clowns they claimed to be."

"Your friend Tony," He asked.

"Yeah, my friend. I met him online and then when I decided to come here, I thought I'd meet him. This was only the second time I'd seen him."

"I see." Eddie swabbed some more cuts on my face, and then moved to the back of my neck. He gently pushed my head forward to reach. "So... I take it you're a transvestite. Or a Transsexual?"

"Transvestite. I know, not too many girl TVs around. Shit, that stings!"

"Sorry, but it's got to be done. I am, too."

"You're what?" I knew perfectly well what he was, but decided to pretend I didn't.

"A transvestite," he said casually. "Now... I'm gonna open up your robe. Seems you've got a nasty cut on your stomach."

"Ohbee kaybee." He tugged on the dressing gown, revealing, among other things, an awful mixture of pasty white flesh, dry mud, and crusted blood.

"This might hurt a bit."

"Not nearly as much as that kick in the head, I'll bet." I was wrong. A horrible burning sensation shot through my body. "Fucking hell!"

"Sorry again."

"You seem to be saying that a lot this morning." I forced a painful grin. "So... You're a transvestite, hmm?"

"Yuppers."

"Groovy. I've got a question for you. How'd you know I was a girl before you got me home?"

"Em... I could just tell. Tranny radar, perhaps? I mean, I can tell you that a huge percentage of people would definitely think of you as a guy. You've got it down; the walk, talk, mannerisms... And I'm sure it comes completely naturally to you. But somehow I could just tell."

"Cool. So, what is it that you do?"

"Oh, the usual... I watch films, eat food, unicycle on occasion..."

"I meant for work."

"Ohhhh. Well, I'm a huge film star and world- famous standup comedian."

"How come I've never heard of you?" He frowned. Shit, I'd made him feel bad.

"Just misinformed, I guess," he quickly said. "Maybe I was embellishing a pinch. Look, you want a shower or something?"

"Hey, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings," I ventured.

"No harm done, love. Bathroom's right over there. Clean towels are in the linen closet. Holler if you need anything, kay?"

"Yeah." I slid off the bed, closing up the robe, and headed into the adjoining bathroom to wash up. Closing the door behind me, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. God, it was worse than I'd thought. Dropping the robe to the floor, I looked at the rest of myself. I was bruised literally from head to toe, and caked with mud. I groaned. Glancing down, I remembered Eddie's amusement the previous night. Well, I thought, If Eddie can have tits, why can't I have a little enhancement, too? I unvelcroed my harness and slid out of the contraption. It was basically a urinary- enabled prosthetic piece of manhood. After taking a long, lukewarm shower (as that was all I could handle), I wrapped myself loosely in a towel and had a look around. Dozens of bottles and other containers of various sized adorned the countertop. I picked one up and opened it. Makeup, of course. I grinned and set the thing down where I'd found it. After a bit of searching, I spotted a bottle of hair gel and grabbed it. I squeezed a glob of it onto my hand and worked it through my hair, then rinsed my hands off in the sink and looked around for a comb. I fixed my blond- streaked hair in that classic "ran- into- a- wall" style, combed straight forward and toussled a bit, but spiked up in the front, then poked my head out the bathroom door.

"Eddie?"

He didn't answer. In fact, he wasn't in the room at all, so I took the opportunity to look around. Directly across from the bed was a fantastic entertainment centre, complete with all the latest gadgets. Movie posters were hung all over the walls, and there were lots of little personal items cluttered up on every surface. There was also the biggest walk- in closet I'd ever seen in my life. This bloke had more clothes than I did, and that was saying something! That was perhaps the one "girly" thing about me: I loved clothes. Just... Boys' clothes. Various garments were piled up all over the floor haphazardly. Looks just like my room, I thought. Never thought I'd meet someone as messy as me!

"Anything strike your fancy?" Eddie was standing in the doorway, now fully dressed in jeans and an untucked white button- down shirt. I looked around and spotted an impossibly skimpy black leather miniskirt. Pulling it off its hanger, I held it up to my waist, and did a little dance. "Hmmmm. Ya know... It really suits you." At that comment I burst out laughing.

"Sorry, Eds, but it's not really my style." Then, still feeling bad about lying to him before, "Look... I'm really sorry if I hurt your feelings earlier."

"Demian, I told you--" I cut him off.

"I've got a bit of a confession to make." I hung the skirt back up, taking as long as possible while trying to think of what to say. "I, em..."

"Yes?" He gave me such a look... Like a child on Christmas, not knowing whether to expect a shiny new bike or some putrid- coloured knit socks.

"I, um... I..." Then I got it. "I'm... Covered in beeeeeeeees!" Then a look of relief and excitement washed over him. He giggled.

"C'mere, you." He placed his arm gently around my shoulders and led me out of the closet. "Now... Have a seat." I took my place back on the bed. "I'm afraid your clothes were far beyond repair. And we can't have you walking around in a towel all day. So I just nipped out and got you a few new things."

"Aww, you shouldn't have."

"Well, that towel leaves little to the imagination. Imagine if you'd run into those blokes from last night." I shuddered a bit. "So... Here they are. Hope you like them." He produced a paper bag from the table. He pulled out one item at a time and shook it around a bit. "Firstly, a new pair of pants." He tossed me a pair of blue underpants suspiciously like the ones he had been wearing that morning. "And-- I know you must hate this..." A new white sports bra emerged from the bag and landed on my lap. "However... It says 'maximum support and compression' on the label. That oughta flatten you out a bit, and I think that's what you're after. If it were for me, I'd have picked something a bit more lacey." I slipped into the undergarments, placing the towel on the bed next to me. What the hell, I figured. Not like he hasn't seen it already. I discreetly adjusted my "package" and awaited the next item. "Pair of socks... Unglamourous but necessary." I pulled them on. "Brand new blue slacks," and a pair of trousers were handed to me, which I slipped into hastily. "And finally... A most fantastic blue shirt, complete with French cuffs. I managed to salvage your cufflinks. Oh, but let me bandage you up before you put that on." He reached into the bag again, this time producing some guaze pads and medical tape. Patching up my stomach and a few cuts on my arms, he helped me into the shirt. I buttoned it, tucked it in, and fastened the cufflinks. "And," he said proudly, "I've shined your shoes."

"Eddie..." I was speechless.

"No troubles, love. Breakfast?" Reality hit me full- on. What was I doing? He'd done enough-- far too much, in fact. He shouldn't have even shown up outside the bar. I was beyond grateful that he did, but I couldn't possibly take any more from him. In fact, if I'd been in any condition to speak the previous night, I would've stopped him right then. My troubles weren't his problem.

"I can't."

"Why," he inquired. "Don't tell me you've got to be somewhere?"

"No, that's not it. You've done so much for me already. I can't ask any more from you. Thank you so much. But... I'd better just go. I wish there were some way to repay you." I stood up to gather my wallet and things from the table. Eddie looked shocked and disappointed.

"Courtney," He said, nearly in a whisper, taking my hand. "Please don't go."

"You don't need this... I was unlucky, that's all. If I hadn't gotten the shit kicked out of me, I wouldn't be here. And I think that would be better for the both of us. You make peoples' lives better as your job. You don't need to bring it into your personal life." As much as I wanted to stay, I knew it was unfair to Eddie. He had his own problems. Places to go. And me-- I was just a kid. Barely twenty, on holiday in London all alone. I didn't deserve any of this. And then I looked into his eyes. Those big, beautiful blue eyes. And they were now filled with tears.

"Don't go," he pleaded. His hand was still on mine. I fought with myself mentally. I didn't know what to do. Finally, I relented. Turning to face him, I took his other hand. A tear rolled down his face. Why was he reacting like this? He couldn't have grown attached to me already. I was nothing special. This was probably just another day's events in his hectic life. I dropped his hands and wrapped my arms tightly around him, ignoring the pain. I felt his hands rest on my back. He put his head on my shoulder and cried.

"What is it, Eddie," I asked softly, stroking his hair. He didn't answer. Instead, he slowly let me go, then wandered silently into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. I thought it was probably best not to disturb him, so I instead wrote him a note. Digging through the nightstand drawer, I found a pen and pad of paper. I didn't know what to write, so I just put pen to paper and scribbled away.

Dearest Eddie,

I hope you can forgive me. I just don't know what to do. I'll stay as long as you'll let me. But, I just feel you've already given me too much. I'm not used to this. I've always been basically a loner and didn't know how to handle the attention. I know you were doing your best to help me out, but that's not fair to you. You saved my life more than once, Eddie, without even knowing it. Don't you know I can always count on you to make me smile, or to brighten my world just a little bit? I don't want to be a burden to you, and if anybody should be getting taken care of, it's you. Do you know how many times I've wished I could meet you, spend a little time with you... Just talk to you? I wanted to buy you a pint, or kiss you better. I want to make all your pain go away. I wish there was some way I could. Just know, I'll always be here for you, whenever you need me, or whenever you want a friend to have a pint with. I love you so much, Eddie. Please don't hide from me.

Love, Courtney (Demian)

Reading over the note, I went over to the bathroom door, knocked softly, slid the paper under the door, and resumed my position on the bed. And then, I wasn't sure what I wanted. I somehow always regret writing this type of note. After a few agonising minutes, the bathroom door opened. Eddie stood in the doorway, his beautiful face streaked with tears. He clutched the note in one hand.

"I..." He looked lost. I ran up and held him tightly, kissing him on the forehead.

"Shhhh." After several minutes, Eddie took a deep, shuddering breath.

"Your handwriting's as bad as mine!" He smiled through the tears now dried on his face. "Breakfast?"

***

He had insisted on making me a wonderful vegetarian breakfast.

"I'm afraid I'm all out of mango juice," he quipped.

"Oh, that's just fine. A cup of tea will do nicely." I was sitting in the kitchen, watching him whiz around to gather breakfasty- type materials.

"I'm afraid I'm not much of a gourmet chef."

"Oh, neither am I. Anything you make will be just fine. Unless it's still clucking." He chuckled.

"Feel free to have a look around." I nodded, hopped off the barstool, and made my way into the living room. Situated there was a gorgeous black grand piano. I whistled.

"Mind if I play your piano?"

"Sure," he replied. "You any good?"

"I'm no Mozart." I sat down on the bench, wondering what to play. It had been a few weeks since I'd last played. I finally settled on a piece I'd written several years earlier. It was slightly dark, with a lot of strange, dissonant chords, and lots of changes in volume. At about 3 1/2 minutes, it was quite short, but I really liked it. Music was my first passion, and I always put everything I had into performing. Closing my eyes, I played through the piece perfectly (that was surprising; I rarely played anything perfectly, and if I did I was usually somewhat intoxicated. Odd, I know).

When I was done, Eddie poked his head around the corner.

"That was beautiful. Did you write it?"

"Thank you. Yes, I did... Several years ago."

"I like your style. It's quite unusual. Self- taught?" I nodded. "How long have you been playing?"

"Since I was about three."

"Impressive. You're really good." I blushed. And then, embarassed by blushing... Well, it's a neverending cycle, isn't it? Eddie continued. "Now... Breakfast is ready, but I will be expecting to be serenaded at the end of the meal."

"Fine, but you've gotta play, too." He smiled.

"We'll see."

Over a delicious meal of eggs, pancakes, toast, and tea, we discussed transvestism and our experiences with it. We'd each had our fights, arguments, stories about coming out to various people, and plenty of emotional issues. He asked me, casually, what I looked for in a guy. I took the opportunity to make what was perhaps the first proper joke I'd attempted since meeting him.

"I like my men like I like my eggs... Scrambled and cheesy." Eddie rolled his eyes and grinned.

"So you know my work rather extensively, then?"

"Some might say it's unhealthy," I replied cautiously, chewing a bit of toast.

"Hmmm. Well, at least you haven't gone all 'psycho- obsessive fan' on me... Yet." He cocked an eyebrow at me.

"No worries, mate. I'm far beyond that." Eddie gave me another of his looks, this time dotted with uncertainty. "I promise." He looked quite relieved.

"But seriously... What do you look for in a guy?"

"Ummm... Oh, I dunno...Well, he has to be open- minded... Musical... Has to put up with my obsessiveness. Trust me, it's not just you. If I find something I'm into I read absolutely everything about it, spend ridiculous amounts of money, that kind of thing. And he'd, of course, have to be okay with my being TV and everything that's involved with it. Must say, I haven't been too lucky with that so far. And, he'd let me name the kids."

"Oh? And what will they be named?" I was slightly embarassed to answer.

"Erm... Brian Durante, Sebastian Edward, and Emily."

"Haven't thought much about this, have you?"

"Actually, no. I just like the names really." Seeing I was finished with my breakfast, Eddie began clearing up. He gathered most of the dishes and I took care of the rest. "Do you mind if I smoke?"

"Oh... Your cigarettes were covered in mud, so I got you a new pack." He reached into his pocket and handed me a slightly crumpled pack of Camels. "Can I try one?"

"Sure!" I smacked the pack on the counter top, then unwrapped it, throwing the plastic and foil in the bin. I removed two fags and handed him one.

"Thanks." Eddie produced a chrome lighter from his pocket and lit me up first, then lit his own cigarette. Then he rummaged through a cupboard and found an ashtray. "So... What do you think of me?"

"Oh, you're all right. Not like you've done anything noteworthy, like saving my life. Who knows, you might even get a mention to my friends."

"Ha!"

"Be expecting a call from the tabloids any time." Just as I said that, the phone rang.

"Ooh, and you're a psychic as well! Excuse me." Eddie went to pick up the phone. "Hello?(pause) Oh, hey Mark. (pause)Oh, nothing. What's up? (longish pause) Damn, that's tough, mate. Hang on..." He cupped his hand over the phone. "Demian, dear?"

"Yes, sweetie?" I chuckled.

"I'm suddenly reminded that I have reservations for dinner tonight. I was supposed to meet somebody, but turns out he can't come. You up for it? Feeling okay? Or, do you have plans?" He wandered back over to me, flicking his ashes in the tray. "Good flavour in these," he added, indicating the cigarette.

"I'm feeling much better, and no plans that I remember. I'd love to go."

"No don't cancel them. I'm going to take a friend of mine. (pause) Yes, you're being replaced." He laughed (pause). "Okay, I'll see you later, mate." He hung up the phone. "Sooooo. Whatcha wanna do? Shopping? Sight- seeing? Catch a film? Travel to Africa?"

"I dunno. I'm up for anything, so long as it's not too strenuous."

"Guess shopping is out, then, ey? You wanna just hang out here?"

"Sure."

"We'll get you a bit tarted up for dinner."

"Em... It's not that I don't want to. I just love the outfit you picked out so much, I never want to take it off!"

"Ha! Point taken."

We spent the rest of the day lounging in Eddie's lavish living room (love that alliteration, ey?), watching telly, talking, and playing piano, until it was time to get ready to go. At about 6.00 Eddie took my hand and led me upstairs to the master bathroom.

"We're gonna pretty you up a bit, love." I rolled my eyes. "Okay... Just cover up some of those cuts and bruises. Nothing girly"

"I can deal with that." He sat me down on the toilet and grabbed a few tubes of stuff from the counter.

"Now this is called makeup. It's your friend. Don't fight it."

"I know, dear, I own some." He gave me a slightly surprised look. "Purely for stage performance, I assure you." I actually didn't mind the stuff, although I'd never admit it.

"Hang on a minute. I'm just gonna clean these off again." Eddie dashed into the bedroom to get the alcohol. He returned again with the alcohol and rummaged through some drawers for more cotton. Producing a handful, he soaked a few cotton balls in alcohol and touched them to my face. It hurt like hell, but I sucked it up.

"Fuck me, that stings."

"Was that an offer, love? Cos I'll take you up on it." You've no idea, I thought. I had always felt a special bond with Eddie, even before I'd met him. But I knew he was playing around. I'd dreamed about how I'd like to spend my time with Eddie if I ever happened to meet him. I was sure that would never happen. I knew how he liked his women: curvy, va- voomey. Women. Not men in womens' bodies. And my thoughts were not unique. Most of his fans wanted something more than just friendship out of him. Sure, some would be fine to shag him and be done with it. I would've given that up in an instant for a day of conversation. But I'd gotten that, and more. Okay, so that's the one area I was girly in, besides clothes. I was extremely emotional. I wanted to feel loved. But who didn't? The problem was, I wanted to be loved by Eddie. But I'd take what I could get.

"Um... Demian?" He tapped me gently on the shoulder.

"Oh, sorry. I was just, ya know, fantasizing." I gave him a seductive look and he cocked an eyebrow.

"Well... Time to put your face on. Look up." I watched in fascination as Eddie dipped a spongey thing into some goopey stuff (okay, so I'm not up to speed on my makeup terms) and began gently dotting it on my face, then smearing it around in a very professional way. I didn't know makeup, but I could see he knew what he was doing. "My God, your lashes are black! No mascara for you. Your eyes are gorgeous. I've always loved green eyes." I smiled at the compliment.

"Ya know," I said, staring at Eddie's spikey hair, "We've got the same hairdo." He laughed.

"Oh, I did that on purpose." He brushed a few more colourful things on my face and then announced grandly, "You're done! How'd I do?" I stood and looked in the mirror.

"My God! How did you do that?" The cuts and bruises had very nearly vanished from view, yet I didn't look heavily made- up. "You're a genius with that spongey thing!"

"Spongey thing, ey? Well, thanks. I do have a bit of experience. See, I told you makeup is your friend." I bit my lip and playfully smacked his arm.

"Cheeky brat, you are."

"Didn't your mum tell you not to hit girls," he said, feigning insult.

"Hey, you're in blokey mode. I can hit you all I want."

"Bastard."

"Shagging a- plenty," I retorted. Then I screwed up my face in concentration. "Well... I think your theory is a bit flawed. No shagging for me as yet."

"None? Not once?"

"Hey, shut your cake hole. I'm only 20; I can still beat your record!" Eddie pouted.

"C'mon, kiddo. Wanna wear matching outfits? Or is that too cutesy? I could go girly and be your date," he suggested.

"Whatever you want, good Doctor." Eddie took my hand and yanked me out of the bathroom, to the bedroom closet. In a flurry of excitement, he began sorting through various skirts and tops. He quickly picked out a matching pair he liked, then found a matching knicker and bra set.

"Do you mind," he hinted.

"No, of course not," I replied, leaning against the wall. "Go on."

"You're not leaving, are you?"

"Well... If you really want me to." He shrugged and, with a wicked grin, began doing a little suggestive dance, unbuttoning his shirt to the rhythm of his swaying hips. He did a little shimmy and shook out of the shirt, then caught it with one hand and twirled it around his head, finally flipping at me. I caught the shirt and hooted at Eddie, who began unbuttoning his jeans, thrusting his pelvis, causing the jeans to tumble to the floor. He stepped out of one leg and used the other to kick the jeans to me. Gaping at his ridiculously muscular thighs, I wolfwhistled. Eddie was now clad in only his underpants and socks. Doing an awful version of the Moonwalk, he managed to slip out of both socks.

"Take it all off, big boy!"

"Not so easy, Mister. This one's on you." Pulling a blue sash from a shelf in the closet, he strutted over to me, turned around, and wiggled his butt in front of me. I swallowed hard, trying to hide the fact that I was much more than a little turned on. Twirling back around, he grabbed me by the shoulders and spun me around backwards. He whipped the blue sash around my head and tied it firmly around my eyes. I let out a ragged breath.

"Hey! You'll muss up my makeup," I joked nervously. Eddie laughed and turned me back around. Pushing me down to my knees, he found another sash and tied my hands behind my back. Eddie's mouth was centimetres away from the back of my neck. I felt warm air escaping his lips, which brushed against my skin as he momentarily lost his balance. He held my shoulders to steady himself, and my skin tingled at the touch. I inhaled his sweet- smelling breath. I was sad but relieved when he got up and stood inches in front of me. Heat emanated from his groin. He smelled like freshly baked bread. Suddenly I didn't want to go out to dinner any more.

"Now... Open up your mouth." He stuck the band of his underpants in my mouth and I bit down. "You want 'em off, do it yourself." Pulling down someone's underpants with your teeth is not as easy as it sounds. He gasped and tightened his muscles as my teeth scraped against his bare skin. I was tempted to do more than just strip him of this last bit of cloth, but supressed the urge. I finally managed to get the pants down to his knees (I think; I couldn't see anything) and he lifted one leg up to free himself. I felt a tugging and the elastic was ripped from my mouth, and Eddie crashed to the floor in a heap. I yanked my hands out of the scarf and uncovered my eyes. My stripping friend was tangled up on the floor, laughing his head off.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," he giggled, turning away from me to take off his pants and put on the frilly lace things without me seeing. I whipped him with the sash. Standing up, he slipped into a black skirt and top, complete with (huge) fake breasts, fishnet stockings, and ridiculously high, spikey heeled boots. He twirled around. "What thinks you?" I inhaled shakily, trying to steady myself.

"Fabulous. Sexy. Wonderful." Eddie glanced at his watch.

"Goodie. Just enough time to do my makeup, then we'll scoot."

"Hey, do you mind if I take a short walk?" He cocked his head at me.

"Sure, but be back in a half hour."

"Yes, Mum," I taunted, and waltzed out of the room.

"And don't get lost," he shouted after me.

Clambering down the stairs, I hoped I knew where I was. Other than Eddie's house, that is. I'd only been in London for a couple of weeks, and it was only my second time in the city. Besides that, I hadn't seen much of the cab ride there. Luckily, when I walked out the front door, I recognised the area. And I had my destination in mind.

 

***

At exactly 7.30, I arrived back at Eddie's front door. Placing one hand behind my back, I rang the doorbell with the other. Wiping the grin from my face, I heard Eddie bouncing carefully down the stairs. I thought that probably wasn't the greatest idea in stiletto boots, but, hey. He was a bouncy kinda guy. After a few seconds the door opened and Eddie stood there, with a deeply seductive look playing across his face. I was stunned. Now, I'll admit I prefer Eddie blokey; that's no secret. But this was different. I'd never seen him in person in full- blown femme mode. Hell, I'd only met him the day before. But the way the makeup accentuated all the right features left me speechless. I looked him up and down.

"You know... It isn't polite to stare," Eddie said softly. At that particular moment I didn't really care. But out of respect, I managed to shake myself out of the daze I was in. Standing up straight and taking Eddie's perfectly manicured hand, I announced in my best, poshest English accent,

"Miss, you look absolutely stunning this fine evening." I kissed his hand softly. "I've brought you a small token of my... Um... Something." Pulling my hand from behind my back, I presented Eddie with a boquet of 6 long- stemmed red roses. He plucked them gently from my hand, pressed them to his face, and inhaled deeply.

"My dear, they're gorgeous." Just inside the front door, on a small table, was a crystal vase. He placed the roses in the vase, stepped outside, and closed the door, locking it behind him. I crooked my arm for Eddie to slide his through.

"Well, shall we?"

***

Dinner was perfect. Eddie took me to a wonderful restaurant, not fancy enough to require dinner jackets, but just fancy enough. When asked by a slightly bewildered- looking waiter what wine I would like, Eddie whispered the name of the perfect bottle in my ear so I could order it. He allowed me to open doors for him, pull out his chair, and offered me other bits of advice on how to be the perfect gentleman. And while I realised it was most certainly charity, I pretended, in my own mind, that I was his gentleman and he was my lovely lady. We made an unlikely, yet somehow perfect pair. Two straight transvestites reversing roles on an entirely heterosexual date. I was curious as to whether he had ever played the female role in a date but didn't dare to ask. And when he asked how I would feel if the next time we went out he went as blokey and myself as femme, I smiled and told him that I would feel like a bloke in drag. I didn't think about the "next time" part. Any reference he made to "next times" or anything regarding the two of us and the future I simply ignored. I factored these references in as slips, teases, jokes, or anything but truthful. I didn't want to disillusion myself. I also puzzled over how the night would end. No, nothing like that... Just, where I would end up. I had been staying at a hotel the past couple of weeks, or else shacking up with various friends and distant relatives. But I supposed it would all work itself out. Whatever "it" was.

Conversation flowed easily between us, as it had earlier. It seemed we never ran out of things to talk about. He talked considerably more than I, having been around some twenty- three years longer. My experiences were limited, and although my life hadn't been easy, it was mainly emotional stuff that can't be easily explained and probably isn't very interesting anyway. Besides, neither one of us seemed to want the conversation to get to heavy. Eddie didn't try too hard to be funny, but nonetheless I found myself stifling laughter, much to the amusement of the other customers. I even managed to make him giggle a few times, which, as I discovered, was quite a tough thing to do.

And when the waiter came to drop off the check, Eddie motioned towards me and the waiter left me with the bill. Eddie slipped me some money under the table to take care of the check.

"So," Eddie began as I helped him into his coat, "You feel like going out, or just back to my place? You're not supposed to be anywhere are you?" I shook my head no and held open the restaurant door. Eddie sauntered through. "Where have you been staying?"

"Norfolk Plaza Hotel mainly. I've got some friends I've stayed with for a couple days at a time. All my stuff is at the hotel."

"You're staying alone?" Eddie unlocked his car and we both got it.

"Yeah." He fired up the engine. David Bowie's "Rebel, Rebel" flowed through the speakers.

"Well, we can't have that. What's the point in you paying for a room when I've got a place for you to stay?"

"I don't want to intrude, Eddie. I told you, you've done too much for me."

"Well, then I'd consider it a personal favour. How much longer did you say you're in town?"

"Couple more weeks, then it's back to the states for me. Wish I could stay longer. Like, forever. God, I love London." Eddie muttered something but I couldn't hear it over the music. It sounded like he said "I wish you could stay forever, too."

"What?" I asked.

"Oh, nothing... Do you want to go get your things tonight?"

"Sure. But don't you have planes to catch or something? Meetings? A tour?"

"No. I told everybody I needed about a month off. I've been working too bloody hard and was about to collapse. So no business this whole month."

"Wish I'd run into you sooner after I'd gotten here." During the ride to my hotel we just made small talk. Once there, Eddie went in with me to help me collect my things. Most of my clothes were still in my suitcase. I travelled a lot and never really unpacked. Preferred just living out of a suitcase, in the literal sense. I was comfortable staying in hotels, never being anywhere too long. I was too restless to stay anywhere permanently. So the packing up was quick. I had a large suitcase, backpack, and my laptop to take. Eddie loaded my stuff into his car while I checked out of the hotel.

During the ride to Eddie's place, he had a few inquiries for me.

"So... why are you in London, anyway?"

"To get away. Or... To come back to something. I'm not sure, really. I've got a lot of friends here. Plus, I just love the city. I thought I might look for work, see if I could maybe live here. But it seems that's not going to happen. To expensive and I couldn't ask anyone to put me up for that long."

"What do you do for work?"

"I'm in a band, and we make a bit of money touring around the city. I've put out a solo album and the local sales are doing well enough for me to have some travel money. Other than that, I work odd jobs and my parents are paying for me to go to Uni as long as I keep my grades up."

"So, is rock stardom in your cards, then?"

"I'm hoping so."

"What are you studying at Uni?"

"Just the usual stuff for now... Maths, history, art, music... And I'm learning German. Ich sprechen ein bissen Deutch." He grinned.

"Cool." We were then at Eddie's house. He parked his car and we unloaded my stuff into his house. I took the suitcase upstairs, as I didn't want him to wrench an ankle in those heels.

"So... Spare room," I asked as we climbed up the stairs.

"Well, I've got one, but I'm afraid there's no bed. You don't mind sharing, do you?" He led me into his bedroom, where I set my things down.

"I guess not."

"If I get grabby in my sleep, just pour some hot water over my head or something," he said, quite seriously.

"Is it time for bed already," I asked.

"I don't know. Would you like a bit of drink?"

"Maybe just a bit."

"What's your poison?"

"G&T."

"Go on downstairs; I'll be down in a tic."

I walked down the stairs and flpped onto the couch to wait for Eddie. Staring around the room I noticed a bookshelf loaded with dozens of books. Other than being quite dusty they appeared to be in pristine condition. Bet he's never cracked them, I thought. On the piano and tables were several pictures of Eddie with his family, inmahogany frames. Across from the couch was a state- of- the- art entertainment centre.

I didn't hear Eddie come in behind me. He grabbed my shoulders, trying to scare me. I looked back at him.

"Hey! You didn't jump," he exclaimed.

"I'm not a jumpy- type person."

"Right," he laughed, and disappeared into the kitchen. He returned in a moment with the drinks and sat on the couch next to me. He had washed his face and changed into a pair of sky blue pyjamas with spaceships on them.

"Cute PJs." He smiled proudly and puffed out his chest.

"Thanks," he chirped. I took a drink and winced at the strength of the alcohol. "So," he continued, "How'd you like dinner?"

"Fantastic!"

"You make a great gentleman, you know."

"I try. unfortunately for me, not a lot of guys are into it."

"No boyfriend?"

"Not currently," I told him. "I've had a few but none I really cared for."

"Kind of interesting that women tend to be into me because of the transvestite thing, but it seems to be the one thing that isn't working for you. Do you let people assume you're a guy, or do you tell them straight up what the deal is?"

"Well, see, that's the tough part. I don't lie to people about it. So if I'm going to get into any sort of relationship, or friendship with anybody I tell them straight up. But it's a kind of bad thing, because straight guys aren't into being seen with what people think is another guy. Plus, they don't tend to be into me because they think of me as one of the guys. And gay guys obviously aren't into girls. I've been hit on by a few straight girls, which was weird. But I guess it's a compliment."

"Yeah. Hmmm. A bisexual guy would be good for you, then."

"Yeah, I've gone out with a few bisexual guys. They seem to be quite into the whole thing in general. But when you've got a situation as unique as mine, it's hard to find people who you're compatible with. And then there's the whole matter of liking each other. It's extremely tough for me."

"I felt the same way at the beginning, when I first came out. But, I don't try to pass myself off as a girl now. Why do you try to pass as a guy?"

"It's cos... As I said, I don't like to lie to anybody. If I look kind of girly, then they just think I'm this tomboy or something. Or a lesbian. I'd rather them think I'm a gay guy, which is closer to my psyche. I mean, if I am around people who end up thinking I'm a girl, there's nothing to it. I'd like to actually feel I'm out about it, and if I'm thought of as a girl, it's like... I'm just a girl. I'd actually like to look like a sort of effeminate man. Like the 80s metal heads, boys who look like girls. Or even a male transvestite. I'd like people to confront me about it, actually, so I can feel like I'm not hiding. If people don't ask me about it, and they don't cos there seems to be this block about 'girls cannot be TV' then I just feel like... Well, 'nobody knows, nobody's asked me', and it's just like there's no point in trying to express my masculinity, as it were.

" I want people to ask me about my sexuality. You know, all people like talking about themselves, but if you just bring it up, like 'Oh, by the way, I'm a transvestite' it sounds a bit like you're just trying to brag about yourself or something. I want people to come up and ask me. Or I want people to hassle me a bit so I can say 'yes, I am a transvestite. Do you have a problem? Would you like an explanation?' With the whole looking like a guy thing, if I go out with guys then I get stick for being gay. Which is fine. It's completely confusing, really. But I'm sure you know how that is. It's the whole thing about coming out and people recognising you've come out. If you've just come out and nobody reacts, it's kind of a relief, but it's also like nobody gives a damn about you enough to comment."

"I understand that perfectly. But, what do you think about transvestites?"
"Well, a lot of them seem to think I'll automatically be into them because I am one myself. But really, it doesn't matter to me what their clothing preferences are and stuff. As long as their personality is good and I like them, I don't care what they wear or whether they're feminine. I mean, I've always kinda had a thing for girly guys. David Bowie, all those 80s hair metal bands that wore tons of makeup... I adore Queen. And the guys at school and stuff I liked were always the pretty boys. Long eyelashes, delicate- looking."

"I see. So... Tell me about your family."

I told him as briefly as I could about my family, how my mum had left my father shortly after I was born, got remarried, had my little brother. How I found my father at seventeen and developed a good relationship with him. I told him about the various minor psychoses that had infiltrated my family. I was the most normal of anyone, and that was saying something. We compared the numerous similarities in our upbringing. I told him about my first trip to Europe and the fun I'd had with our tour director Cornelius, how we'd become good friends and I couldn't wait to see him in a couple of days. Eventually, the discussion somehow turned to religion. I gave him the Christian explanations to his questions.

"What are you, a theologist," he asked.

"No, I just ask the right people the right questions."

"Do you believe in any of this stuff?"

"Errrr... I dunno. Not really. I don't completely believe in anything. I'm agnostic."

A few hours and several drinks later, we decided it was time for bed. We stumbled up the stairs drunkenly and fell onto Eddie's bed.

"I had a lot of fun tonight," Eddie slurred.

"Know what would make it a lot more fun?" I rolled over and looked at him as seductively as I could in my drunken stupour. He sat up and raised an eyebrow. I reached over slowly, grabbed his chest... and tickled him.

Writhing and squirming, he managed to sputter, "Stop it, you're killing me!"

"Ha!" I climbed on top of him, pushing him onto his back, and tickled him relentlessly. Looking into his eyes, now red and teary, I suddenly stopped, and just stared at him. Bad move, as within seconds he was on top of me, tickling and pinching. I wasn't normally ticklish, but the alcohol must've affected me, as I couldn't sto giggling.

But I wasn't too drunk to realise that there was an extremely handsome man in his pyjamas on top of me. I was suddenly very sober. Grabbing him by the shoulders, I flipped him off me, then rolled onto him.

"I give, I give!" He squealed. No more playing for me. I pushed him hard into the fluffy duvet. His eyes widened as I kissed him full on the lips. Seemingly shocked, he didn't react. I was mortified and pulled away, standing up quickly.

"I'm sorry." I turned away. "I'll just go sleep on the--" I was cut off by Eddie. He spun me around and pressed his soft lips to mine. I felt my stomach drop and my knees turn to jelly. My heart was pounding so hard it was painful. I pushed Eddie back onto the bed and sat on top of him. I fumbled with his buttons and he wiggled out of his pyjama shirt. Groping his chest, I explored the inside of his mouth with my tongue. I raked his arms with my fingernails as he unbuttoned my shirt and slid it off. Ever so gently, he ran his fingers up my bruised back before unbuttoning my jeans and pushing them down slightly. He reached down and slid his hand into the top of my jeans, squeezing softly. With a slightly shocked expression, he giggled as he remembered the little friend that inhabited my underpants.

Breaking away from my mouth, he rasped, "What are we gonna do about this little guy?" I kicked my jeans off and straddled his waist, rocking my pelvis into his.

"What do you think about this?" He moaned softly and pulled me towards him, kissing my neck and nibbling my ears. I stuck my hand down the waistband of his pyjamas and felt around. Eddie drew a sharp breath as his animal instincts began to take over. Letting out a deep, ragged breath, he forced his tongue into my mouth and twirled it around. I knelt above him on the bed and started to tug down his pants. Then I felt a hand on my shoulder. Eddie pushed me gently away.

"Should we be doing this?"

"Yes," I replied hastily, and bent over him again. He put a hand in front of my mouth.

"Wait." I sat up. "I don't want you to do anything you're not ready to do. I don't want to hurt you."

"It's not that big," I quipped anxiously.

"You know I don't mean that."

"I'm ready. But... If you don't want to do this, I understand." I was starting to feel uncomfortable again. I knew there was no way he'd like me more than a friend, and was trying to back out gracefully.

"No. It's not that. I want this. You don't know how much. But... You've had a bit to drink, had a really hard couple of days... I don't want to add any more stress." Could he be telling the truth? Apparently he could see I was questioning his honesty. "Look, Courts. Demian. Whatever." He smiled. "This is a big thing. I don't want you to throw it away on me. I'm not worth it. You're caught up in a moment-- we both are. I'm completely willing to do this with you, and I would give anything to be able to let you make this decision right now. But... I can't. Not right now."

"I'm fully capable of making a decision like this. If you don't want to do this, it's fine. Just tell me. Please?" He kissed me passionately on the lips.

"I do want this. I want you. Just not under these circumstances. Okay?" I nodded, and a tear rolled down my face. He brushed it away. "Hey, don't do that. I want you to be happy. Okay?"

I smiled. "Okay." I rolled off of his chest.

"Now, if you'll excuse me... I'd better make a short trip to the loo, otherwise I'll be in a rather bad mood tomorrow." He winked and walked into the bathroom. I took the opportunity to put on my gym shorts, which I always slept in.

He returned from the bathroom several minutes later, looking immensely relieved, so I grabbed my toothbrush, went in, washed my face, and used the toilet. I heard a knock at the door.

"Hang on!" I situated myself quickly at the sink and turned on the faucet. "Come on in." Eddie burst in, squirming slightly.

"Gotta pee," he said. He glanced at the toilet. "Hey, you left the seat up."

"Sorry... Didn't think you'd mind." He grinned.

"I don't." I turned away quickly and started brushing my teeth while he used the toilet. After a moment he joined me at the sink, looking at me in the mirror. I set my toothbrush on the cluttered countertop. "Look," he said, "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"No... You're probably right. I shouldn't have pushed you."

"Funny, I was thinking just the same thing. How's the bruises?" I looked in the mirror. I was looking slightly better.

"Honestly... I can't feel anything for the gin." My pupils were dialated. "I think this can come off now," I said, pulling the bandage from the cut on my stomach. I threw the bloody bandage away and used a washcloth to carefully clean the cut. It looked much better. "Time for bed? Really, this time." He nodded and took my hand to lead me into the bedroom. I slept peacefully that night, with Eddie's strong arms around me.

***

The next morning we both had tremendous hangovers. After pain pills and lots of coffee we were feeling much better. Eddie insisted on cleaning my cuts again, and we spent the afternoon walking around London's West End to do a bit of shopping. As we made our way back to Eddie's house, laughing and talking, he asked me if I played cards.

"Yeah, I play a bit of poker. What do you have in mind?"

"I was thinking we could order a pizza and have a few of my friends over for some cards. Or Scrabble." I grinned.

"Sounds fabulous."

At about 6.00, a couple of Eddie's friends came over. They were introduced as Mike and Ryan. We finished two large pizzas over a game of Scrabble, which I won (being a champion speller), and then Eddie produced a pack of cards and some poker chips, and began dealing a hand of five- card draw. We took turns being dealer, and after the deck had been passed around once and returned to me, I decided to change the game.

"Okay, gentlemen. The game is Texas Holdem." I shuffled the cards a few times and began dealing them out. "But, what do you say we make this a bit more interesting?"

"What did you have in mind," Mike asked.

"Well... I was thinking about a lovely game of strip/ performance poker. The winner of each hand has to pick a person who will either remove one article of clothing of his own choosing, or will do a bit of a performance. It can be anything from singing to stand- up."

"Okay," Eddie ventured. "What are the rules of performance?"

"Well, it's gotta be at least 30 seconds long, and the audience gets to vote. If they don't like what they hear, the loser has to strip anyway. And, you, my dear," I said, looking at Eddie, "Can't do anything from any of your shows. Everything has to be new material."

"Damn."

I wasn't too worried about the first hand, as I had pocket Aces. But the floor cards contained an open- end straight draw, which Ryan made and won the hand. He chose Mike.

"Alright... I'll take something off. Don't wanna compete with Eddie just yet," Mike said, and removed his baseball cap.

"Wimp," Eddie scoffed.

I won the second hand and picked Eddie, who stood up and performed a hilarious scenario including a hummingbird and an asteroid. Several hands later, we were all minus at least one article of clothing and were having a good time. Eddie had gotten us all beers, so the game had turned a bit silly. On one hand I tried to buy the pot with only a pair of fours and a King kicker. It didn't work out for me, and I was chosen by Mike, who won the hand on a Full House. I decided to do a joke I'd heard before I was too drunk to remember it.

"Okay," I said, standing up. "I'm gonna do a joke. And this joke, as a tribute to Eddie, includes the my bad impressions of his bad impressions of James Mason and Sean Connery. And, for the first time, an impression of Eddie himself!"

"Ooooh," Eddie mocked, "You'd better make this good."

I began telling the joke.

"Right," I said in my impression of Eddie. "So we all know God created the world. We've been told this. And he created light and water and air and trees and birds and aardvarks and lizards. And he also created Adam. Adam was his first human. First man. But since Adam didn't have anyone to talk to, he started to get a bit bored and lonely. I mean, you can only occupy your time with a snake for so long. So Adam called up to God." I made God and Adam face each other in my mime, like Eddie did with his characters.

Adam (Sean Connery): "Hey, God."

God (James Mason): "Yes, Adam? What is it? I'm a bit busy at the moment."

Adam: "Well, actually I wash getting a bit lonely down here all alone. I wash wondering if you could come and talk to me."

God: "No, no I'm sorry... I'm packing my bags for a short holiday to Bermuda, but I'll tell you what I can do. I will create for you a woman. And she will clean for you, when you discover fire, she'll cook for you... Bear your children, make your clothes, and be your constant companion day and night. How does that sound?"

Adam: "Cha, that shoundsh great, God. But, eh, what will thish woman cosht me then?"

God: "Oh, and arm and a leg."

Adam: "Well, I'm kind of ushing them at the moment. Ah, what can I get for a rib?"

Eddie, Mike, and Ryan all applauded at my performance. I dipped my head for a small bow, and then sat back down.

"Fantastic! That was excellent," Eddie said sincerely, patting my shoulder. "Your impressions of my impressions are much better than my impressions of other people." I thought about that one for a moment.

"Well, thanks. I think that made sense..."

Within an hour we were all in only our underwear (and me in my bra as well). The alcohol made everything funnier and looser, so we could've done better with performing, I think, but it also made us more frisky, hence the near- nakedness. But I was definitely glad I'd been on a work- out schedule for the past couple of years. Eddie had explained the cuts and bruises adorning my body, and as Mike and Ryan looked uncomfortable about it, I joked to lighten them up. I lost another hand (I was usually luckier at poker) and Eddie, the winner, picked me, as "You've got far too many clothes on." Instead of adding another article of clothing to the now large pile of garments, I stood up and began dancing as provocatively as I knew how. I'd been saving this little song...

"The minute you walked in the joint, bay- ah, I could see you were a man of distinction, a real big spender..." Eddie giggled at my obvious reference to his little song in the film Circus. It was also a tribute to my favourite band, Queen, who used to perform the song in concert. I kicked my leg up over his shoulder and steadied myself by holding onto the back of Eddie's chair. "Good- lookin', so refined, say wouldn't you like to know what's goin' on in my mind? Lemme get right to the point, bay- ah" I kicked my leg back off Eddie's shoulder and sat on his lap. "I don't pop my cork for every guy I see. Hey, big spender," I turned and looked at Eddie's slightly shocked expression. Mike and Ryan joined in, singing off- key with the last line of the verse, as I spun around to face Eddie. "Speeeennnd a little tiiiiiime with me." I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and left to sit back at my seat. Mike and Ryan were howling with laughter, but Eddie merely looked at me and crossed one leg over the other and slid in closer to the table to hide his excitement at my little dance.

Mike ended up winning the game by his skivvies. Afterward, we all retired to the living room (clothed) with some tea to watch Hannibal while Mike and Ryan sobered up enough to drive home safely. After they left Eddie and I curled up on the couch to wind down. I laid back on him, my head on his chest. He wrapped his arms tightly around me.

"I thought we'd had a lot of fun yesterday... Tonight was a blast," I said, taking Eddie's hands.

"Yeah it was. Ya know... I think you'd make a great performer. Rock star, stand- up, whatever. You've got no inhibitions."

"I know... It's a curse. I'm sure I could get myself into lots of trouble. But I'm glad you think so. Everyone tells me I'm great, but I don't really believe them."

"Really? Why not," he asked.

"Well... I usually just think they either don't know any better or they're just being nice cos they're my family or friends or something. I mean, I know when I'm good, but I'm so inconsistent. Especially with music. I mean, some days I can sing really quite well, maybe one day or two days a week. And then one or two days a week, I'm shite. The other days I'm just okay."

"Hon, I'm the same way. I think everybody is. Don't worry too much about it. As long as you try your best, that's all that matters." He kissed the top of my head.

"Eddie..." I began, "I love you. You know that? I mean, really. Like a best friend." He squeezed me tighter. "Eddie?"

""Hmmm?"

"Why do you like me? I mean, how is it possible? I'm a guy, really, and you're straight."

"You like me, even in girly mode, right?"

"Yeah."

"It's only slightly different, as you're always in blokey. I can't honestly tell you why I like you, other than personality wins over physical appearance in this case. Although I do find you attractive. I think you're an amazing person. I wish you could stay with me longer. But after you go back home, I'll have to start getting back to work.It'll be a week or two before any little projects get off the ground... But if I ever get time, I'd love to come and visit you."

"That would be amazing. And you're amazing, too... For dealing with me. I can be a little nuts sometimes."

"All part of your charm. I'm really glad you decided to stay. And... I gotta tell you, I loved your rendition of 'Hey, Big Spender'." I laughed.

"I could tell."

"Was it that obvious?" He looked more than a little embarassed.

"Not to the casual observer... But I was sitting on your lap."

"What do you think about this?" He straightened out his leg and arched his back slightly so I could feel his arousal through his jeans. I couldn't help it; I giggled. "Hey, now don't make me feel bad."

"It's not you... I've just never... Well, I'm not very experienced in this particular field."

"Okay, okay. Well... What do you think?" I flipped over so we were laying stomach to stomach.

"Hmmmm. I dunno. This feels nice."

"You know what would feel nicer."

"Well..." I was playing him now, getting back at him from the previous night. "Maybe we should just go to sleep." I grinned. "Or maybe..." I hoisted myself up higher on his stomach and licked his lips playfully. He opened his mouth slightly and sighed as I flicked my tongue softly in and around his mouth. Finally, he pulled me in close and kissed me roughly. I rocked my hips slowly back and forth on his tight stomach and his muscles trembled with anticipation. He broke away from the kiss for a second.

"You wanna go upstairs," he rasped. I jumped off him and bolted up the stairs. He raced after me. When we got into the bedroom, Eddie picked me up from behind and flipped us backwards onto the bed.

"You're not going to change your mind again, are you," I asked. He answered me by sliding out from under me. He stood above me, reached down and ripped off his t- shirt, revealing his taut muscles. He pulled me up by the arms and unbuttoned my shirt, then pulled it off. He then removed my little sport bra and felt up my chest. I knelt down and quickly removed Eddie's jeans and underpants. He quivered as I removed my own jeans and pants. Roughly, I threw him down on the bed and climbed on top of him.

***

Later, as Eddie snored softly, his warm body wrapped around me from head to toe, I thought about what I had just done. Amazingly, I felt no regrets. It was worth every passionate moment, every slight inhibition. Afterwards, I felt no guilt. I was completely at peace, and happier than I had been in years. Perhaps in my whole life. Kissing Eddie softly on his slightly parted lips, I closed my eyes and slept.

***

The next morning I awoke to Eddie setting down a tray on the bedroom table. I opened my eyes and watched him preparing two cups of sugary, milky coffee. He was adorable, back in his spaceship pyjama pants. His hair was still mussed up from sleep. He looked back at me and smiled.

"Hey, you." He brought the two coffees over and handed me a cup. "How are you?" I sighed.

"Amazing." He gave me a slightly concerned look.

"Are you okay with..." I nodded and took a sip of the sweet coffee. "How's the coffee," he asked, sitting down next to me.

"Fabulous." He kissed me on the cheek and put an arm around me, pulling me in close.

Who knows... Maybe I did believe in God. It sounds cliche, but the past few days had been heaven. Or maybe it was all a wonderful dream. Either way, I was commited to making the absolute best of every single second.

"Whatcha thinkin'?" Eddie asked, gulping down some coffee.

"Oh, nothing. Just thinking about us. If there is an 'us'."

"Of course there is, hon. Look, I might have a reputation as a bit of a womaniser, but I am definitely into the whole relationship thing. I know you're a tough guy, but you're young and I wouldn't do anything to hurt you. I care about you too much. I have this feeling you're not into casual flings."

"But you are?"

"Not strictly. Well... you know about my mother, don't you?" I nodded. I knew she had died when Eddie was just six years old. "And about my whole problem with needing others' affection?" Again, I nodded. "Well... I get love any way I know how. And if that means the occasional one- night- stand, then that's what I do. I feel bad about it, I know it's a selfish thing, but I have a hard time trusting anybody. No, actually... I have a hard time trusting that they'll stick around."

"Everybody does. It's human nature. You can never know whether somebody will leave you, or stop loving you... Or die. Can't you just take a chance?" He sighed.

"I've taken chances, I've tried. But... In the end I end up sabotaging relationships because they seem... Too good to be true. I wonder if anyone really loves me, or whether I just think they do. I push people away. I can't help it. No matter how much I love somebody, I always push them away to protect myself."

"But you're hurting yourself, too. Every time you push someone away it reinforces your abandonment issues."

"You're not a psychology major, are you?"

"No... But I go through the same thing. My mum is brilliant; she knows more than any human should. And she teaches me. She pulled this on me once. I didn't tell you this, but the first time I went to see my dad, I decided I wanted to move out there and live with him. Two thousand miles away from my home. After I got back home I told my mum and she began pushing me away. She punished me for things that normally she wouldn't even care about. She sided with my brother about meaningless things and practically ignored me. It hurt. I couldn't understand why she seemed to suddenly hate me so much. One night I broke down and she explained it all. She couldn't bear that I might be moving away from her and tried to cut off emotional ties with me. Luckily, it only lasted about a week and after she realised what she was doing it was all better. I realised that I didn't really want to leave home; I'd been caught up in the excitement of finally meeting my father after seventeen years. I wanted to be with him, but I wasn't prepared to leave my life behind." Eddie looked at me with a soft, pained expression in his eyes. "And I've done it too. I've pushed people away. Boyfriends... Even guys I wasn't going out with who liked me too much. Friends, family... And I honestly don't know if I'd do it again, but I'll try my hardest to make this work if you want to. I do love you, you know."

"I... I..." Eddie stammered. I kissed the top of his head.

"It's okay. Just... Take your time and think about it." I looked at the clock on the nightstand. "I'm supposed to meet my friend Cornelius in a couple of hours. Do you want to come, or just stay here?"

"I think... I'll hang out here. I'd like to meet your friend, though, before you go. From what you've told me he sounds like a really cool guy."

"Okay." I kissed him and went into the bathroom to shower. Eddie followed me in and helped me scrub the bits I couldn't reach.

***

A little later, clad in my fabulous blue suit and black shirt, I sat with Eddie in the living room. We hadn't spoken much, just sat together. I left him to his thoughts. I had a lot to think about, too. Like, where would we stand when I had to go home and he returned to work? Would I ever see him again? Would he even remember me if I was to return to London? I tried not to think of this stuff, but I couldn't help it. I wondered what Eddie was thinking about. But he interrupted my thoughts by asking me whether I'd need a ride to meet Cornelius.

"Oh... No, I can take the tube."

"Are you sure? I'd be glad to take you."

"If you want, but I can manage on my own." I would've loved for him to take me, but thought it would be better if he had some time to himself, whether he wanted to or not.

"You've only been here a couple of weeks. You're telling me you know the tubes already?" I nodded.

"Yeah. Con (as he liked his friends to call him) taught me the first time I was here. I tackled the operation in two days. Not a problem, and I've got a map just in case. But if you want to take me, that'd be fine." The first time I'd been to London, I'd gone on the tube with my friend, and Cornelius told us how to get where we needed to go. We used the undergrounds dozens of times in the two days we were there, and, even considering there was no subway where I was originally from, I got the hang of it rather quickly.

"No, that's fine. You go, but call if you need a ride back. I don't want you riding the tubes after dark."

"Yes, dad," I joked.

"I'm serious. You've gotten into enough trouble already and if you got hurt again, I don't know what I'd do. "

"Okay. I promise I'll phone you if I stay out late. I'll need your number." Eddie dictated his mobile and home numbers to me and I programmed them into my mobile phone. "And what's your number?" I told him. "And Cornelius's?" I gave him that, too.

"Is that enough or would you like a copy of my birth cirtificate and my social security number as well?"

"No," he said, digging his knuckles into my head. "That's just fine. Silly girl." I gave him a look. "Sorry, does that offend you?"

"Naw," I assured him. "It only bothers me if people I don't know think I'm a girl, if I'm going blokey. Waiters and stuff."

"You're always blokey! But... As I found out last night, you're very much a girl." I socked him playfully in the arm.

"You think so? Cos I think I could change your mind, if you're up to it."

"What? How's that," he asked

"Sorry, I've got to go."

"Tell me! Come on." I shook my head.

"Nope. Use your imagination. Maybe you'll find out when I get home." Home? Was it already? Sure felt like it. He grabbed me around the middle.

"Tell meeeeeee," he said in a silly voice. "Or... I'll... Tickle you."

"I'm not ticklish." He tried, unsuccessfully, to make me squirm.

"You were before." I stood up, and so did Eddie.

"Yes, but I was pissed. I've really got to go now." Eddie walked me to the front door, still holding me around the middle. When we got there, he opened up the door and kissed me for several seconds. Then he let me go. I nibbled on his ear for a second and walked out the door and down the stairs to the sidewalk.

"Courts?" I turned to look at Eddie, who was still in the doorway. "I love you."

 

***

Taking the tube, I ended up close to the pub I was to meet Con at, went in, and got a seat to wait for him. I was a bit early and had a cigarette while waiting. After about ten minutes, I saw him come into the pub and look around for me. I wondered if he'd recognise me. The last time I'd seen him my hair had been quite long and an entirely different colour. And, it had been about three years since then. I stubbed out my cigarette in the ashtray and, when he looked my way, I waved at him. He looked a bit confused but then recognised me and came over. I stood to give him a hug and kiss.

"Hey, Con!" He looked me up and down.

"Courtney! My God, I didn't recognise you! It's been ages! How are you?" We both sat down.

"I'm amazing. I've been having the best time!" He looked at me concernedly.

"What happened," he asked, indicating the cuts and bruises.

"Oh, I had a little fight a few days ago, but I'm fine now. You'll never guess who saved me." I told him how Eddie fended off my attackers and had put me up for the past few days, and about my concerns as far as where our relationship would go. He stared at me in disbelief.

"Eddie Izzard. My God. Just... Be careful, mate. You know how we guys can be. Bit mad sometimes. So... Are you still a vegetarian?" I laughed. When I had travelled to Europe before he'd had a horrible time trying to feed me, as the group's meals were mostly pre- planned. He'd asked me on a near- daily basis if I was still a veggie. But I was forced to eat nothing but potatoes and rice the entire time, which wasn't fun.

"Yes, I am." We ordered lunch and some drinks.

"Hey, you can drink with me this time!"

"Smoke as well." Last I'd seen him, I hadn't been allowed to drink. He was the only one drinking and I'd thought I'd like to have been his drinking buddy. He'd been smoking as well, and as it was a school trip I also wasn't allowed. We spent the next hour or so discussing what we'd been doing over the past few years, and enjoyed ourselves immensely. Occasionally I'd get quiet, thinking about Eddie, but Con understood and didn't press the issue. He knew basically my life story and all the emotional issues I had. He was a good friend, concerned with my happiness and safety. But perhaps his concern was valid. After all, how well did I really know Eddie? I felt as if I'd known him my whole life, that was true. But then, he could be very tricky. Was this all an act? I doubted it; after all, what would his motivation have been?

"You know," said Con as if he had been reading my mind, "He could just be trying to get into your pants." I rolled my eyes.

"Too late for that."

"Paedophile!" I laughed. Con always pointed out the worst scenario. For instance, when I told him I was trying to find my father he mentioned that I could be looking for an obese, alcoholic pervert.

"I like how you try to make the best of every situation."

"Fair warning. I'd like to meet him. You know, assess the situation." Much to his surprise, I said okay.

"He wants to meet you, too." He cocked a bushy black eyebrow. "Oh, I rave about you to everyone I meet." I winked. I was only half- joking. I really loved Cornelius and did brag on him. And, he looked remarkably like Brian May, Queen's guitarist and my personal hero. The only difference was that Con had shorter hair and blue eyes.

After lunch, Con and I caught a film and browsed a few shops. I saw a shirt I thought Eddie would really like and bought it. It was a black t- shirt with a small EU flag on the front. At about six o' clock we decided it was time for dinner. I was a bit torn because I didn't want to leave Eddie out. But I figured it would be okay. He had food in the house, and if he got hungry he'd be fine. Cornelius and I found a fish and chip shop and ate a light meal. Just as we were leaving, I got a call from Eddie on my mobile. I answered the phone, lighting a cigarette. Cornelius pulled out a bag of tobacco and rolled one of his own.

"Hello?"

"It's getting dark. Are you almost home?"

"Con and I just had a bit of dinner. I was going to come home right now."

"Where are you? I'll come pick you up."

"I'll be fine. Don't worry."

"Courts, I'm serious. Have Cornelius wait with you."

"Hold on a sec." I put my hand over the phone and turned to Con. "Eddie wants to come pick me up. Doesn't want me to ride the tube after dark."

"I can go with you."

"How about if Con rides with me back to your place," I asked Eddie. He sighed.

"Okay. But be careful."

"Will do."

"Okay, see you soon. I love you."

"Love you, too." I hung up the phone and stuck it back in my pocket.

"Ooh, love. That sounds serious," Con said.

"Oh, shut up." I grabbed his arm and jerked him around a bit playfully.

"He sounds concerned. Doesn't trust you?"

"He does," I said as we headed for the nearby tube station. "But after what happened a few days ago, he's worried."

"Worried is one thing. Paranoid is quite another. What if he starts to smother you? Can you take it?"

"I'll have to talk with him. But... I mean, I'm only here for two more weeks. A little less. I'll probably never see him again after I leave." I sighed at the painful reality of my statement. Con turned me around to face him.

"Hey, don't say that. Look, any guy would be lucky to have you. And I'm sure he really loves you, otherwise he wouldn't be so protective. You can't predict these things." We continued walking.

"What's with the sudden optimism?"

"I care about you, too. And while your concerns are valid, everything I said is true. If he loves you as much as I'm sure he does, he'll do anything he can to stay with you." We had reached the tube station. Getting our tickets, we waited for the train to pull up.

"But we only met a few days ago. I mean... Do you think he could really love me already?"

"I'm sure he does. Don't you love him?"

"Yes, but it's different. I knew who he was before I met him." The train pulled up and we boarded.

"Trust me on this. Don't worry. It'll all work out for the best." Hope you're right, I thought. The rest of the ride and the short walk to Eddie's house were in silence. I wanted to see Eddie and talk to him about what our situation was. But then, I didn't. I was afraid of the truth. If Eddie didn't want me, I'd be crushed. If he did... Well, I knew his lifestyle, and how nearly impossible it would be for us to work something out. Maybe I should call my mum, I considered.

We approached Eddie's door, and before I had a chance to knock, he opened it and wrapped me in a warm hug. He leaned back a bit and gave me a passionate kiss on the lips.

"Hello," he said in a heart- meltingly sexy voice. I twisted around to face Con, who looked mildly surprised to see Eddie in full makeup, PVC trousers, high heels, and a t- shirt that read "Pornstar".

"Eddie, this is Cornelius. Con, Eddie." Eddie let go of me briefly to shake Con's hand.

"Would you like to come in?"

"Yes, but I'm afraid I've got other obligations," Con admitted. "Although I'd love to see you two again before Courtney leaves."

"Absolutely. I'll hopefully see you later."

"Nice to meet you, Eddie."

"Nice to meet you too." I pulled away from Eddie quickly to give Con a hug and kiss on each cheek.

"Talk to you soon." Con headed down the stairs and Eddie pulled me inside.

"I missed you." Dragging me up the stairs by my arm, he pushed me gently onto the living room couch and crawled on top of me, caressing my face with his hands and kissing me wildly. I completely forgot my worries as we made out. After several incredible minutes, Eddie pulled away and rested his head on my shoulder. After a few more minutes, Eddie spoke.

"I'm sorry I was being so over protective before. You know I was just worried."

"I know. It's fine. Ya know, as confident as I am that I can take care of myself, it's nice to know someone is concerned."

"I am concerned. But it's only because I love you. I really do, you know." I hesitated for a split second.

"I love you, too."

"What's the matter? You hesitated."

"Nothing."

"Are you sure? Because you seem a bit insecure about something. Do you love me?" I kissed the top of his head.

"Yes, I do. I love you so much. But... Do you really love me?"

"Oh, honey. Of course I do. I wouldn't tell you that if it wasn't true. I can't imagine lying to you, ever. I just want you to stay with me forever. I wish I could have you permanently attached. They say we all need our space, but I think I'd give that up forever to be with you. I don't want to be too be too clingy. If I am, please let me know." "Eds, I feel the same way. I could sit with you like this forever. I don't know how I'm going to be able to be without you when I have to leave."

"Maybe you don't have to. You could stay here." Eddie bent down and removed his shoes.

"You know I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"I've got school, work... My whole life is back in the States. My family... You know how my mother was last time I wanted to move away. Not to mention all the paperwork I'd have to go through."

"I'd help you with all of that. You can go to school here... Get a band together. I could help you out with a recording contract, build a studio for you. I'd even move your whole family out here if they wanted. You wouldn't need to worry about work ever again. C'mere, you." Eddie laid back on the couch and pulled me on top of him. I rested my head on his chest, feeling his heart beat in synch with mine. He wrapped his arms around me tightly, and I breathed in his sweet, mild scent.

"Maybe I can." Words cannot describe the love I felt for him at that moment. It was almost painful, like a thirst that can never be quenched. As much as I fought it, tears welled up in my eyes, fell and soaked into Eddie's shirt.

"What's wrong, honey?"

"I just love you so much," I managed. He squeezed me tightly. "Can we stay here forever?"

Eddie lowered his head down and kissed me delicately on the lips. When he opened his eyes, I saw that they were teary as well. We laid on the couch for hours, until we fell asleep in each others' arms.

***

The next week or so was pure ecstasy. Eddie and I spent the time mostly indoors watching films, talking, and playing the piano, among other things. He asked me a few more times about moving in with him, but I just told him I hadn't decided yet. He looked disappointed but didn't press the issue. We met up with Con and Tony, and a couple of my other friends one night, and had a fantastic time, talking and playing games until early in the morning.

Then one day I got a call from my mum. Eddie was busy making us jam sandwiches as I took the call.

"Hullo?"

"Hey, kiddo. where the hell have you been? Haven't heard from you in a week!"

"Oh, I've just been at Eddie's place, ya know... The usual."

"Eddie?" I hadn't told her about Eddie.

"Izzard. You know." Mum laughed. I knew she had a wee crush on Eddie; she liked his work as much as I did.

"Right."

"No, seriously. He's in the kitchen making us lunch."

"Uh... Okay. I'll take your word on that."

"You don't believe me, do you? I could get him on the phone." I called to Eddie. "Hey, Eddie! Come in here a sec, will ya?" He poked his head around the corner.

"What's up?"

"My mum's on the phone. Doesn't believe I'm here with ya." He wandered in and took my mobile from me.

"Hello?" I could hear my mum.

"Hello."

"It's Eddie here."

"Mhm." She didn't believe him. "I see you've been working on your impressions."

"Well, I've always been good at doing impressions of myself." There was a bit of silence as my mum took Eddie's voice in.

"Is this really Eddie Izzard?"

"The one and only. Well, unless someone has borrowed my genetics somewhere in Uganda or something."

"Oh, my God!" I giggled at my mum's reaction. "How... Why is Courtney over there?"

"I rescued her from certain death. You know, your typical action transvestite gig. I'll give you back to your son-- I mean, daughter-- now." With that, he handed the phone back to me.

"Hey, mum. You believe me now?"

"Yes. That's amazing!" Eddie headed back into the kitchen to finish the sandwiches.

"Well, ya know how I am, attracting all sorts of superstars and such."

"So, why are you over there?"

"He wasn't lying about saving me... I got into a bit of a fight with some creepy blokes and he chased them off."

"Jesus. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was a bit, um, preoccupied with Eddie. He's one hell of an entertainer, you know."

"Did you, you know...?"

"I'm not the type to kiss and tell." She chuckled.

"Yes you are!"

"Okay, so I am. And, we did. So... That's all. Next topic."

"You did?"

"Yes, and we were careful and used all the necessary precautions and, yes, he's amazing... Not that I've got anything to compare it to... And he's very sweet and very romantic and fabulous and caring and even over- protective."

"Are you okay?"

"More than okay. He says he loves me."

"And you believe him?"

"Yes. He wants me to move in with him."

"What? Are you going to?"

"Well... I'm seriously considering it. He says he'll help me with the paperwork, get me a band, a studio, all that stuff... And he'll move all you guys out here."

"Think carefully about this. I don't want you too far away. But if he wants to move us out; you know I've always wanted to live in Europe." Just then, Eddie came in with the sandwiches, handing me one and sitting on the couch next to me.

"I know, I know. Look, Eddie's brought my sandwich. Mmmmm. Jam and bread. Love it! So, what's up? How are the boys?"

"They're fine. Doing well." Eddie turned to me, tapping my shoulder madly. I looked at him, and he smiled with a mouthful of jam. Swallowing, he mouthed "boys?" "Dogs and Hermit crabs," I told him. He mouthed "oh" and continued stuffing his face with the gooey stuff. I took a bite of my own sandwich.

"Mmmm. Raspberry. My favourite!" Eddie grinned.

"Hey, kiddo," Mum said. "Hello?"

"Oh, sorry," I told her. "I was eating jam."

"I've got to go. Duty calls."

"Awwww. Well, guess I'll talk to ya later then."

"Okay. Hon, be careful, will you?"

"Always. Bye." I hung up the phone and turned toward Eddie. His face was inches from mine and he was chewing loudly with a half- grin on his face. "What?" He swallowed the last bit of his sandwich.

"You're cute." I stuck my tongue out at him, which he gently clamped in his teeth, then let go.

"Hey, I'm trying to eat, here." I took another bite of sandwich.

"Mmmm. I'm not remotely interested in sandwiches at the moment."

"Oh, really, now?" He nodded and took a bite out of my sandwich.

"That's mine!" He swallowed, took the sandwich out of my hand, and set it on the table.

"And you're mine." He leaned in and kissed me, silky hands caressing my face. "But first, I want to know your little secret about proving me wrong you're all girl."

"Oh, I don't know. You probably wouldn't be interested and I don't want to put you off." Before when I'd mentioned this, I hadn't been planning on telling him anything. And now, I wasn't really prepared for a follow- up questioning.

"Love, nothing you say could ever put me off. Even this little guy," he said warmly, putting a hand lightly on my crotch. I flinched at the touch and looked around nervously. "Is that what this is about?" I nodded. "What is it, Dem?"

"Well... I was just wondering... Most, em, lesbians... Like to use... Ya know..." I stammered.

"Toys?" I nodded.

"And since you're a lesbian... -Ish" He nodded. "Would you be into..." He put a hand on my shoulder.

"Hey, listen. I think I know what you're getting at. And I've never tried it, but I'd be willing to, for you."

"You don't have to. It's invasive and kind of..." He put a finger to my lips.

"Shh. I'll try it. I just want to know exactly how it would work."

"Well... I've got an, em, extention that fits over the end of my prosthesis thing. And basically, it would work like..."

"Gay sex?" I nodded. He let out a long breath, nodding his head. He bit his lower lip, which made me want to jump him right there. But I just sat still, letting him take it all in. "Okay," he said slowly. "Okay. Okay"

"Hey, no need for your head to explode. We don't have to do it. It was just a thought. It's your decision." He nodded again, thinking. Silently, he took my hand and led me up to the bedroom. Once there, he spoke.

"Get set up. Let's do this." I gave him a questioning look. "I mean it. I want to do this." Shuffling over to my suitcase, I fished out my kit and set everything up after stripping. When I turned around, Eddie was laying naked on the bed, hands behind his head. I gently climbed on top of him, kissing him softly.

"Are you absolutely, entirely sure about this?" He nodded.

"Yes, I am." He looked down at me and flashed a little smile. "That's kinda sexy. And..." He blushed. "It's bigger than mine."

"Naw," I said. "How you wanna do this?" He shrugged.

"Well, I guess..." He flipped over on his stomach and prepared himself for what I'm sure wasn't about to be an entirely comfortable situation. "Be gentle with me."

"I could never hurt you, Eddie."

***

Awhile later, Eddie and I curled up together under the covers.

"Eddie?" He looked down at me.

"Hmmmmm?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yes. In fact, that was wonderful."

"It didn't hurt, did it?"

"A bit, at first." I gave him a look. "Okay, a lot. But it got tolerable, and then quite enjoyable. I'd like to do it again. Really." He hugged me tightly, stroking my hair softly. "Have I told you how much I love you?"

"Yes, but I'd love to hear it again." I kissed him on the neck.

"I love you so much... It's painful to think how I'll live without you. I don't ever want to face that." He propped himself up on one elbow and his cerulean eyes nearly transparent in the sunlight searing through the open window. "I'd do anything for you. I'd give up my career, my life as I know it, to be able to spend every night in your arms. Over the past week or so, I've thrown all my old fears out the window. I just want you. If everything else disappeared forever, I wouldn't care, as long as I still had you. Please, say you'll stay." His eyes held a look of such pleading. "Or if you have to go, swear to me you'll come back to me. I'd be lost without you." We were silent for a long time. I closed my eyes, not wanting to feel anything but Eddie's flawless body against mine, the beating of his heart, hear his peaceful breathing, smell his balmy scent, savour his lips, whose exquisite taste lingered on my own. Finally, he spoke.

"I know you've been wondering why I reacted so unexpectedly the first morning you were here, when you tried to leave. Everything I've just told you... Suddenly came rushing into my mind the night I found you. Seeing you, lying there... After I chased the thugs away, I knelt over you, afraid you had been seriously hurt. I had watched them approach you, saw you fight back valiantly. But I was scared to fend them off. Afraid they'd turn on me, too. And my mate held me back. Made me promise not to interfere, but after I saw you go down I couldn't take it anymore. I socked my friend in the face to make him let me go, and ran out there, furious at myself I'd waited that long. I wanted to murder those bastards. But luckily, I managed to hold onto some self- control. After they ran off, and I lifted you onto my lap, to try and wake you, I cried so hard. I didn't know why. I couldn't stop. My friend found me after a few minutes and I chased him away, too. But I didn't care. I just couldn't bring myself to leave you. All these thoughts running through my head that even now I can't describe. Some mixture of fear and relief... I want to melt inside you. I want us to become one. I know we've experienced what most would consider to be the ultimate physical union, but to me... I don't know if I can be completed. But with you, I feel there's hope. I've never felt like this before. I know everybody uses that line, but it is true. It scares me to care this much, to love one person so much, with every fibre of my being. But the alternative terrifies me a million times more. I feel like... I think I would die without you. And all this came flooding to me the day you tried to leave me. Every time I look at you, I want to cry, to try and release this feeling burning inside me." How was it possible that he could feel the exact way I felt about him? How could he express it so perfectly?

By this time, we were both struggling to fight back tears, Eddie more succesfully than me. He looked deeply into my eyes, pleading, and I kissed him softly. He let himself go, eyes spilling tears. He gasped for breath. His entire body lurched. He sruggled off the bed, crying exhaustively, and stumbled to the bathroom. I looked up after him, saw him lean over the toilet and dry heave violently, uncontrollably. I made my way over to him, sobbing as unrestrainedly as he, and held him as tightly as I dared, fusing my entire body with his. After a moment he turned to me, shaking, body surging, and we made our way back to the bed. He pulled me on top of him. I rested my head on his wildly jerking chest, kissing his velvety skin.

"Eddie, I'll never leave you."