WARNING: This story contains sexual content. Proceed with caution.

PART II

I woke up the next day in terrible pain. My back was aching, my head was throbbing, and I couldn't move my legs. I kept my eyes closed for a long while, as the lights were much brighter than I'd remembered. Trying to forget the pain, at the same time I wondered why it hurt so much. I'd been in a lot of pain for the first few days since the fight but had recovered quickly. I figured I was just fine. Maybe I'd thought wrong. As I woke up more, I heard voices. I felt much the way I had the first day after the fight. Completely incoherent and, as much as I concentrated, I couldn't work out what was going on. I tried to listen to the voices, but the pounding in my head blocked out specific words. The voices sounded so far away-- muffled and quiet. I moved my arm to my side and found Eddie was no longer next to me in the bed. I decided to open my eyes. Squinting into the bright lights, I puzzled at the ceiling. It was... different. White tiles and flourescent lights. The voices slowly became louder and closer. I blinked. I heard a male voice, not Eddie's.

"She's waking up. Good sign."

"Looks like she's in a lot of pain. Can't you turn up the pain medication?" It sounded like my mother.

What would she be doing here? Where's 'here' anyway?

"If I turn on the morphine, she'll go back to sleep. It's best to let her stay awake for awhile. Explain what happened, see if she can talk to the police."

"I don't think she needs that right now. Best just let her rest for a few days and go home." That distinctly Southern drawl sounded like my father, Bobby.

Now, what the hell is going on? What's he doing here?

"Courts?" I opened my eyes a little wider and saw my mother standing above me. She looked tired, as if she'd been awake for days. "You okay, hon?"

I groaned. "Em... yeah. Where am I," I croaked.

"You're in the hospital. Do you remember anything?"

I cleared my throat. "Um... yeah. There were these guys... and they came and hit me."

"Do you remember what they looked like? The police have a good idea who they are, if you can identify them." That was the mystery voice. I looked around and saw a man in a white coat standing at the foot of the bed. "I'm Dr. Parks, by the way."

"Yeah, I know what they look like. One of them should have a cut on his face where I punched him." I heard a laugh.

"Sorry, I just found that funny." I tried to look over to where the voice came from, but was distracted by my mum, who ran her hand through my hair.

"Dr. Parks says you can't come home just yet. You've got some really bad injuries. You'll need some physical therapy, and can stay here for that."

"What about--"

"Hon, you should get some rest." I looked over and saw Bobby standing to my other side.

"What are you doing here?"

He grinned. "Don't you think I'd come see you? Your dad paid for the ticket out here."

I gave him a look. "Really," he insisted.

"Why didn't he come? What about Sheri?" Sheri was my step- mother.

"Well," my mum said, "Someone had to stay home and make money."

"Is Dad okay with Bobby being here?" Mum nodded. She and Bobby hadn't seen each other since I was about three months old, and my dad was a jealous kind of guy.

"He's fine. He wanted to come, but you know how work is."

I nodded. I wondered where Eddie was. Did I imagine him? I knew by now that I'd imagined the whole thing about us spending time together, but I swore I'd seen him before I passed out after the fight.

"I'm glad you guys came. Thanks."

"You've gotta be more careful, kiddo," Bobby said. "If I see those guys, I'm gonna level 'em."

"No, you won't. I will not let you go to jail because of my mistake."

"You didn't do anything wrong. We know what happened."

Not really, I thought.

"Sorry to cut this short, but Courtney needs her sleep," Dr. Parks said. I cringed as I always did when people used a female pronoun to identify me. "Why don't you guys go get some rest and we'll call when she's ready to have visitors."

"Yeah, I guess we'd better go," my mum conceded. She kissed me on the cheek. "See you soon." She headed out the door. Bobby leaned over and kissed me.

"I love you. See you later."

"Love you, too," I said. He left the room and I went back to sleep.

* * *

I woke up again the next day and stared at the ceiling. The lights were out, and the only light in the room came from the crack under the door. As my eyes came into focus, I looked down and the disturbing scene of tubes and needles sticking in my arms came into view. My right hand was bandaged up and my left arm was in a sling. I went to scratch my head and gasped in pain as my fingers scraped a cut on my forehead. I felt around my face and the back of my head and found several healing cuts. I also discovered that I was nearly bald, as the doctors must have shaved my head to stich up the cuts. The only hair I had was on the very top of my head. It must have looked like a botched- up bowl cut. Out of curiosity, I lifted up the bedsheet and saw that I was wearing a hospital dressing gown. I was looking quite good apart from the bruises-- I'd lost probably ten pounds or so, which I'd been dealing with for awhile. My stomach was perfectly flat now, which I was pleased about. But... My willie was nowhere to be seen. Shit, I thought. That means the doctor, Mum, and Bobby all know about it. I'd never told them, as I thought it might weird them out. They didn't need to know. I'd come out as a transvestite to both of them, but didn't think they needed to know about my little friend. And now, I had to pee. I sat up carefully, wondering what to do. That's when I saw him. Curled up in a chair in the corner, sleeping, was my blue- eyed angel. He breathed softly, arms crossed over his chest. I watched his chest rise and fall with his breathing. He was wrapped up in a leather trenchcoat; his blond hair mussed up from the rain outside. I wondered how long he'd been there. I didn't want to wake him, but...

"Eddie?"

His head shot up. "Oh, hey."

I giggled. "You're a light sleeper."

"Yeah," he yawned. "What's up," he said quietly.

"I need a piss." He stood up quickly.

"Okay." Eddie flicked on a light then bounced over to the medical bags hanging from their poles and moved them away from the bed, then gently swung my legs over the side of the bed. He carefully took my arms and helped me to stand. My legs, being bruised badly, and due to some muscle atrophy, were extremely weak and I nearly collapsed. He grabbed me under the arms and lifted me into a standing position. He balanced me on one arm and took the fluid drip stands in the other, and led me into the adjoining bathroom. He started to set me down on the toilet, but I stopped him.

"Em, do you know where the doctor put my..."

"Oh, yeah. Hold on a minute. Can you stand?" I nodded, and grabbed hold of a pole to balance myself. Eddie dashed out of the bathroom and soon came back holding my penis and harness in his hand. "Want me to help you on with it?" I nodded. He crouched down, holding the harness so I could slip a leg through it. He kept one hand gently on my waist and I rested my left elbow on his shoulder. I lifted one leg at a time, and when he had the harness around my ankles, he pulled it gently up to my waist, positioning the willie itself in just the right place under the gown. Eddie stood up. "Y'alright, then?"

"Yeah. Can you steady me?" He nodded as I lifted the gown above my waist. He stepped up behind me, pressing his warm body against mine, and wrapped his strong arms around my middle, holding the gown up for me. I lifted the seat carefully, lined up the tube of my willie, and tried to relax enough to take a leak. I could feel Eddie's every curve against my nearly bare back. The rough denim of his jeans scraped lightly against me; his soft cotton shirt tickled my back. I could feel his stomach through the fabric. His chest pressed against my back as he breathed. His breath ruffled my hair. I inhaled shakily.

"Heh. My bladder seems to be a bit shy at the moment," I said nervously.

"Shh. Relax," he whispered, resting his chin on my shoulder. "Relax."

I breathed deeply and tried to take Eddie's advice. He kept his head on my shoulder. I felt his warm breath on the side of my face. Trying to ignore it, I finally loosened up enough to do my business.

"There you go. Relax," he breathed.

I was seriously turned on at this point. Is he doing this on purpose, to tease me, or what, I wondered. Or, maybe he's just trying to be comforting. Finally finished, I shook off and flushed the toilet. Eddie let the gown drop as I turned around to go back to the bedroom.

"Such a man you are," Eddie said, lowering the toilet seat. He took his original position, arm around my back, pushing the fluid drips, and helped me back into the main room. "Alright, back into bed for you." Eddie lifted me onto the bed (an impressive feat, as he only outweighed me by perhaps ten or twenty pounds), positioned my pillows so I could sit up, and placed my legs back on the bed, propping me up against the pillows. I tried to shake off the feeling Eddie had given me.

"So, how long have I been here? What happened? And, how did you manage to find me?" Eddie pulled his chair over to the side of my bed and sat down.

"Well, how to begin... I was in the bar alone, having a drink on my way home. I'd had a rough day so just popped in for a few beers. Everyone in the bar was being kind of obnoxious and not helping with my bad mood, so I just paid my bill and left. As I was walking out, I saw you punch the guy in the face and run for the door. By the time I got to the door, you were on the ground. I grabbed an empty bottle and smashed it on the wall, for some protection. I told them to stop but they wouldn't. Eventually they left, and I threw the bottle at the one guy, nicking him in the back of the neck. I think that's when you passed out. I called the police on my mobile, checked you out, and put my coat over you.

"They brought you here. I found your home number on your mobile and called your mother. I guess she told your father and they both came here immediately. I stayed until they got here, then had to go do some work. I kept coming back, when I had a spare moment. Got to know your mum and Bobby. They told me all about you. They didn't know about your penis, though. But apparently you told Bobby you're TV, and that goes along with it."

"I told my mum, too."

"She mentioned that, but she had a hard time accepting it. I talked to her, and I think she finally understood the whole thing. She seemed to, anyway."

"Good." I smiled. "It's only been two years since I told her."

"Right. I think it's fantastic you came out at such a young age. I wish I could have." He paused for a minute, looking thoughtful. "Now, as for you. You had a major concussion and stayed in a coma for just over three weeks. You woke up briefly, muttering something about 'Adam' and 'being busy at the moment'." I laughed, remembering the game of performance poker I'd imagined. "Care to share what you find so funny?"

"Oh, just... something."

"Right. Well, you slept for another six days straight. The doctor said that besides your concussion, you had cracked a rib, bruised a few others, dislocated your left shoulder, and punctured a lung. Your shoulder healed quickly, and they fixed your lung up. You'll need some physical therapy for your shoulder and also to build up the muscles in your legs, as they've atrophied somewhat. But it seems you can walk fairly well. You're young and heal quickly, I guess."

"What about the guys who attacked me?"

"The police caught them, based on my description. They've confessed but you'll still need to identify them. They're in jail on attempted murder and assault with a deadly weapon charges." I nodded. "Anything else?"

"Has anyone else come to see me?"

"Yes. Your friends Anthony and Cornelius, your brother Cody came for a weekend, as he's in school. He'll be back next weekend," Eddie mentioned.

"Good." I smiled. I'd missed my brother. "And my stuff?"

"All at my house. There's a bag of fresh clothes here as well. Your mum and Bobby are staying there."

"That's sweet of you. Thanks very much."

"No trouble. I just thought they'd spent enough money to get out here, why have them spend more on a hotel? Besides that, I've got food and a telly there, loads of films to watch. I figured they might as well enjoy themselves as much as possible under the circumstances."

"Well, that's very kind of you all the same." He smiled. "How are Mum and Bobby getting on?"

"It seemed very tense at first. But they seem to be getting on well. Talking a lot about you. They both love you very much."

"I know. I'm lucky to have parents that are so cool, even though they live two thousand miles apart," I admitted.

"What about your dad?"

I shrugged. "He's alright, but emotionally distant. I think it's how he was raised. He's from Iran, you know. Completely different culture and stuff. I'm extremely liberal, so's my mum and brother. So I don't know what he thinks of that."

"Your mum told me about that. But you do get on with him?"

"Better than I used to. Actually it's more a matter of keeping out of each others' way than anything. I don't really know who he is-- nobody does. And he doesn't know all that much about me, either."

"Well, you and I have something in common then. Parental neglect."

I nodded. "We've got loads of things in common, really. Except perhaps that I like to read." He chuckled.

"I would like to read, but I just have a hard time of it."

"I think we're intellectual opposites in that way. I'm numerically dyslexic. Always getting my numbers mixed up. I do like maths but have a hard time. I always seemed to get the right answer to the problem I wrote down. I just wrote the wrong numbers. Of course, I only realised this after I got out of school."

"What other subjects were you in?"

"My favourite class was actually physics. I'm really into how things work, space, astronomy, that kind of thing." I thought for a minute. "I'd really like to be an astrophotographer, but it requires being an astronomer as well. If I'm going to go through that much school I'll pick the more prestigious job. And I'm not patient enough. I couldn't deal with chemistry. Too many formulas so I never took it."

"See, I am the opposite. Good with formulas. Hated physics, loved chemistry. But I do love the space stuff as well."

"I took art when I was younger but was terrible at drawing. It was only after I gave up on the classes that I became a good artist. I was in choir, of course. I found the winter months quite stressful. We did forty- five performances in a month for the one choir, and about five in the other choir. It would've been fine but I can't stand Christmas songs. And, growing up in such a religious state, they were all religious. Actually that's often better, as they're more carefully arranged and have better harmonies and stuff. Besides all that, the uniform was a dress. And of course, they made me wear one. I felt like I was doing something wrong. Not natural. Like I was a bloke in a dress and really didn't want to be one."

"I can understand that. Being forced into a role you don't want to play with no real payoff."

"Exactly. And, the damn thing was uncomfortable as hell. Couldn't move my arms in it. And you can imagine how raw my voice got-- fifty, half- hour- plus performances in twenty days. Songs I didn't want to sing, a uniform I couldn't stand, going places I didn't want to go. Plus, I had a full- time job and school. It was hell, as much as I love performing. If I had been doing my own thing in my own way I would've loved it."

"I see."

"So... how'd you like Cornelius," I asked, not caring that bringing up a completely different subject. I did that frequently.

"You're as random as I am! I liked him quite a lot, actually. He is a really cool guy. He looks like Brian May."

"I thought the same thing. He swears they're not related. Did you talk about history with him?"

"Yeah, when he mentioned he was a tour director and stuff. He certainly knows a lot."

"When I met him I wished he could've been my history teacher at school. You'd be a great history teacher as well. Maybe kids wouldn't hate the subject so damn much."

"Well, thank you. Most history teachers are incredibly tedious, aren't they?"

"Yeah." I yawned. Eddie looked at his watch.

"It's nearly four in the morning. You should sleep."

"You're probably right. Although it seems I've slept quite enough in the past month or so."

"But you still need to recover. That was a really brutal beating. You could've been killed."

I sat up, trying to pull on the pillows so I could lie down.

"Here," Eddie said, standing. "Let me do that." He moved the pillows, then helped me shift into a laying position. He clicked out the light and sat back down in his chair. I lay there for a few minutes, trying to sleep, but found I couldn't. My head was spinning with questions. Eddie seemed much the same as I'd imagined, especially as I'd been thrown into such a casual situation with him. I suppose my dreams had seemed so real that the star- struck thing wasn't a factor. I felt I'd already spent a few weeks with him. But, I hadn't. None of it had really happened. He didn't fancy me, as far as I could tell. Maybe... But the whole bathroom thing was probably just my imagination taking over. And, we'd never spent any intimate moments together, never laughed over drinks... We really had only just met. And, while I was extremely grateful (and even a bit amazed) that he'd stayed, I found myself becoming depressed. And, not only that, I also felt unworthy of his affection. He didn't seem bitter about being there, nor did he act like he was doing charity. I half wished he'd leave. He had no real reason to be there. He should be at home, in his bed, or out getting drunk with his friends, or shagging someone. Or perhaps all three. But instead he was here, with me, trying to sleep in a chair in a lonely, sterile hospital room.

"Eddie?"

"Yeah," he answered immediately.

"Why are you here?"

"You know why I'm here. To keep you company."

"I don't need you to be here. I mean, you should be somewhere comfortable, sleeping. It was all a horrible coincidence we met at all."

"You don't want me here?"

"No, I do. Of course I'm glad you're with me. But... it's not fair to you. Did my mum want you to stay with me while she wasn't here?"

"Yes, but that's not why I'm here. I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be." He stood and kissed me softly on the cheek, running his hand through my matted hair. "I'm here because I want to be. No other reason than that." He looked into my eyes softly, and placed a hand on mine. "You're a wonderful person. There's nowhere I'd rather be than with you right now." He kissed my cheek again and sat back down. I looked down at him. His head was tilted back, staring at the ceiling. I swore I saw a tear run down the side of his face.

"Eddie?"

"Yeah?" His voice wavered slightly.

"Thank you."

* * *

"Courtney?" I opened my eyes and saw my mum standing above me.

"Hey," I said, smiling.

"It's about time for your physical therapy. You ready?"

"Em, yeah. I guess."

"Well, get up and let's go." I got off the bed, and, with Mum's help, sat in a wheelchair. "Oh, here. Eddie left this for you." She plucked a note off the bedside table and handed it to me. In handwriting similar to my own (nearly illegible, that is), it said,

"Courtney, I'm glad we had that talk last night. It was good to get to know you after hearing so much from your parents. You are truly a wonderful person. I admire your strength and good naturedness after this tragic thing that happened. I'll be back later today to see you. I'll be sad to see you go home. Best of luck. Call me any time you need to talk. Love, Eddie." He scrawled his mobile phone number along the bottom of the note. I smiled as mum wheeled me out of the room.

* * *

Physical therapy was hell. Mainly it was my shoulder that was worked on. It had always been a bit loose and would slip out of socket frequently, then pop back in, painfully. I knew there had been previous nerve damage done, as I often felt sharp pain shooting down from the socket. The therapist pulled and stretched my arm, had me lift dumbbells, and massaged my shoulder. My legs were also worked on. I received a nice massage and then was required to do some walking and a bit of weight training. Looking around the room, I saw I was one of the luckier people in there. There were burn victims, people learning to use prostheses, wheelchair- bound people trying to learn to walk, all sorts of people in there. My heart went out to them, but I tried to concentrate on my own therapy so I could get it over with as soon as possible.

When we got back to my room, Eddie was there waiting. I grinned widely.

"You're such a happy creature! C'mere and give me a kiss." Eddie stood up and met me halfway across the room, kissing me on each cheek. "You want some lunch?"

"Yeah! Em... Would it be alright if I put some clothes on first?"

"I don't see why it wouldn't be," my mum said. Eddie went over to the corner of the room and grabbed a plastic bag. He brought it back and set it in my lap.

"You need some help," he asked.

"Um, yeah."

"That okay?" He turned and asked my mum.

"Yeah, I guess," she replied. I took the bag in one hand and Eddie helped me to stand and walk into the bathroom. He closed the door and untied my hospital gown. I let it drop to the floor somewhat casually (forgetting again, momentarily, that he wasn't used to me being naked), and leaned against the wall while Eddie pulled out the clothes from the bag. He looked as if he was trying not to stare at me.

"Need help again," he asked casually.

I probably could've done it on my own but since Eddie was already there... "Yeah, probably." As he crouched to the floor, I thought I saw him flash a smile to himself and then put on his "concentration" face. He steadied me again while I slipped my legs into my Jockeys, then softly pulled them up my legs. When he got them up to my waist, he pondered on my penis a little.

"You mind if I... I mean, do you need adjusting?"

"Go ahead," I told him. He gently, and kind of tremourously, reached inside the waistband of my pants to adjust my package.

"Left or right?" I giggled slightly, remembering "Mongrel Nation".

"Um, left." I inhaled sharply as his hand moved around, feeling around just a tiny bit more than he needed to. God, is he just trying to send me over the edge? I could jump him right here.

"That okay?" I nodded, and he slipped his hand back out. Next, he carefully pulled my arm out of its sling and pulled on my bra for me. "I know you must hate this," he quipped, with a small grin.

"I don't mind so much since you're doing it." Nope, I don't mind at all. He chuckled and held up my grey button- down shirt so I could slip my arms in. He tugged the shirt over my shoulders and buttoned it up. It seemed to take him longer than it probably should have. His hands trembled just a bit. He left the top two buttons undone. Just the way I like it. Eddie then slipped me into a pair of socks and slid my arm back in its sling. He pulled a pair of black slacks out of the bag and helped me on with them.

"I figured these would be more comfortable than jeans would." I nodded. He pulled the trousers up to my waist, and I flinched as his hand slipped down the waistband to tuck the shirt in.

He'd better stop that, or I just might have to take advantage of him. Okay, so I had asked for his help. Totally my fault. He removed his hand and began buttoning my fly. He stepped in a bit closer and reached down to zip me up, grabbing the crotch of the trousers with two fingers to straighten out the zipper. He was so close his thighs touched mine. His forehead was mere inches from my own, his head tilted down to watch what he was doing.

As he finished zipping, he looked up, staring straight into my eyes. He was so close our noses were almost touching. His warm breath tickled my lip. I noticed his breathing getting heavier. I swallowed. What now? It seemed as if we stood there for hours, but really it was only a few seconds. I waited for his next move. His hands, which had snaked their way around my back, were sweaty. My free arm around his waist, was, too. His hips were pressed against mine. I felt the fly of his jeans... The way it ripples up in a tight pair of Levi's. His stomach quivered ever so slightly. I could hear his heart beat as well as I could feel my own, which was now pounding in my chest. I was sure he could feel it, too. He slowly ran his tongue over his lips, torturing me. I wanted to taste them. Kiss him, I pleaded with myself. But I couldn't. Maybe I was misreading signals. But how could I have been? Could they be any more obvious? Maybe he didn't know if I wanted him to. But I did. I wanted him to take me. Right then and there. Nevermind my beaten body, my slung- up arm. I wanted him to slide his lips across my own trembling ones, push me to the wall, and...

"I guess," he rasped, "we should go get some lunch now."

I can't let it be like this... He started, slowly, almost regretfully, to pull away. I tightened my grip on his waist. Don't let me go. I leaned in slowly and pressed my lips to his temple. Don't ever... I felt his eyes close, tasted the light sweat that had accumulated on his forehead. His soft, toussled hair tickled my nose, and smelled wonderful. I breathed in. Little boy hair smell. I reached up and touched the back of his neck, burying my fingers in his hair. Eddie's hands lowered down and squeezed my butt softly, pressing his hips into mine. He tilted his head down, brushing his lips against my neck. I touched my slightly- open mouth to his cheek, running my tongue delicately along the rough stubble on his skin. Eddie jumped slightly as there was a quiet knock on the door.

"Are you guys ready to go," my mum asked. I pulled away from Eddie and stood near the door.

"Oh! Yeah, just another minute," I called. I turned back to Eddie. He was looking at the floor, hands in his pockets, sweeping his toe along the ground. He looked like a little kid being busted for lying.

"I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to--"

I grabbed him around the waist again and pressed a finger to his lips. "Shh. It's okay." I touched my mouth to my finger, then slid it out from between us to allow a slow kiss. I pulled away and took Eddie's hand. "C'mon, let's go."

* * *

Lunch was a bit awkward. Not between Eddie and myself. But my mum seemed to know something was up. She didn't say anything, but the air was tense as we ate the slightly repulsive hospital food. We made small talk.

"So, um... What's Bobby doing today," I asked.

"Sleeping," Mum told me. "He's really worried about you, ya know." I nodded.

"Courtney is doing just fine. Remarkably well, in fact. He's looking much better."

Was it my imagination, or did he just call me 'he'? Mum didn't seem to notice.

"How are you feeling? Still in a lot of pain?"

"A bit. It's much better than when I first woke up. I think it was mainly from the shock that it hurt so much. Of course, the physical therapy isn't helping in the pain department."

"It will, though. You'll be fine in a few weeks' time," Eddie assured me.

"Mum, are you and Bobby staying till I'm done with therapy?"

"No," Mum said. "We've got to go back after the weekend. You know Cody's coming?"

"Yeah. You're going to leave with him on Sunday night?"

"Yeah. Gotta go back to work."

"I see." The rest of the meal was mostly silent. I thought about the fight for the first time. I didn't regret anything I'd done, except maybe that I went down to easily. I could've hit back more. Or run faster. Or... Anything. Of course, if I hadn't gotten decked I still would have found Eddie. In the bar. But he'd been in a bad mood and I wouldn't have wanted to bother him. But, just maybe...

Eddie leaned over and whispered in my ear as I absently poked at my peas, "is it worth it?"

* * *

Is what worth it? Worth what? I pondered on what he had meant as Eddie and I sat outside the hospital, smoking. Mum had gone back to Eddie's house immediately lunch, with a bad headache. He'd paid for a cab for her. I coughed. I hadn't had a cigarette in about a month and the smoke scratched my throat.

"I should just quit. I hate cigarettes." Eddie nodded. Having said that, I stubbed out my Camel in the ashtray and lit another.

"Doctor says you can leave hospital tomorrow. Come back to my house, hang out for a few more weeks or whatever, till you're ready to go back home."

"Very sweet of you to let me stay with you."

"No trouble at all, Courts. I like you very much. I'm afraid you may end up being alone much of the time, as I've got a fairly full schedule starting next week. I'll have evenings free for the most part. I might be able to drag you along some places, if you're up to it."

"That'd be cool. Although I'll probably just sleep most of the time. Oh... by the way, and I feel silly asking you this, but can you call me Demian?"

"Sure. No problem." He smiled, then became very serious. It was one of those uncomfortable silences that sometimes happen in conversations. Eddie sat in his chair next to me and I watched him as he pulled on one of his earrings for a minute. It was just a small diamond stud. He pulled the earring out, spun it between two fingers, then put it back in. "So, em... Have you thought about what I asked you earlier?"

"I gotta tell you, Eddie: you confused the hell out of me."

"I know I was being vague. But I wanted you to think about the question. It sometimes helps if you have a vague idea to start with before hearing the actual question."

"So what was the actual question," I asked.

"Is it worth it? I mean... Is it worth getting hassled and beaten in order to be comfortable?"

"Yes," I answered without a beat. "I won't change who I am because of a few assholes I happened to run into one night."

"They could have killed you."

"And probably would have if not for you. But I mean... you know as well as I do that you can't live in fear of other people. You've got to be who you are. No matter what."

"I was terrified, you know. I'm sure not half as much as you must have been at the time."

"No, I wasn't scared. I mean..." I thought hard for a minute, trying to collect my thoughts. "It was all surreal, you know? I thought I was going to die, really. But... Well, I wasn't scared when they first came up to me. After the first punch I was confused. After he pulled out the knife and cut me I was angry. When they were kicking me and stuff, I thought I was going to die. But I wasn't scared-- not really. I didn't want to die but... It was almost like I didn't honestly care but knew I wasn't in my right mind. It was like I wasn't even there. You know how sometimes you know you should feel a certain way, but really don't feel anything at all?"

"Yeah, I think so," Eddie said slowly. "That's kind of scary in itself. Or... you think it's bad that you don't feel any emotion, but you don't really care."

"Right, it was like that. Like I knew if I died it would be bad, and I didn't want to, but I still wasn't scared. It was very surreal. Almost like it wasn't happening."

"But now, as you're going through the healing process, is it real to you now? Do you think you should've done anything differently to prevent the whole thing?"

"Oh, it's definitely real now. As for wishing it didn't happen, or preventing it? No, I mean it really doesn't seem like a big deal to me. I realise it was a big deal. But it just doesn't seem like it was. There's nothing I could do to stop what happened, and I accept that and am not dwelling on it. I feel nothing towards the guys who did it. Nothing at all. It's like what happened was all some sort of natural initiation process and happened for a reason. Like something everyone has to go through, so why should I complain?"

"You're amazing, you know that," Eddie blurted.

"No, I'm not. This is just who I am."

"Really." Eddie brought his chair around to face me. "You are. Your mother must have done an incredible job raising you. You've got such a fantastic view on life. So independent. Such a strong person."

"Well, thank you. I'll tell my mum you said so."

"No, I want you to realise how incredible you are. Your mum couldn't have had everything to do with it. You had to figure stuff out on your own. I wish I could be so strong."

"Eddie, you are. You face the same, or worse, challenges I do every day. You deal with people on the streets more than I do. You accomplished amazing things from sheer persistence and ambition. I wish I had your kind of ambition."

"I think you just don't have enough confidence. You seem to know what you're good at but have trouble believing that other people can see it."

"That's pretty accurate."

"From what your mum and dad have told me, you've got nothing to worry about. They're convinced you're talented. Perhaps too talented."

"They're my parents. They're required to say that."

"They weren't being parents. They were being truthful. They knew what they were talking about. I believe them. You know, I'd love to hear you sing sometime."

"Really?"

Eddie smiled brightly at me. "Yes. I would."

"Alright," I said. "Know what?"

"What?"

"I'd love to hear you sing, too."

* * *

Back in my room a few minutes later, I had a terrible headache. Must be contagious. Eddie and I sat on the bed. I rested my head on his chest while he stroked my hair. I thought about what had happened that morning in the bathroom. I wondered if Eddie really fancied me, or just happened to like naked people. Probably the second option. But I wanted to know.

"Eddie?"

"Hmm?"

I pondered on how to word my question. "What happened this morning?"

"Well, I got up, came here," he began.

"You know what I mean. What was all that... stuff... about?"

"I, em... wanted to kiss you," he admitted slowly.

"Why?" He laughed.

"Why not? I just wanted to. I can't really explain why, just that I did."

"So, why didn't you?"

"I wasn't sure you wanted me to. Thought that maybe I had cornered you, and you were uncomfortable. I wanted you to make the first move, and you didn't. But then, I didn't want to let you go. And I didn't want to make you feel like you'd run me off or something. I didn't make you feel uncomfortable, did I," he asked concernedly.

"A little," I admitted. "But only cos I wasn't sure of your intentions."

"What, you thought I was gonna chuck you to the floor and shag you?" He kissed the top of my head.

"No! Nothing like that... I just didn't know if you actually fancied me, or were just feeling turned on for some reason, or were being, em, charitable..."

"Ha! Charitable? Not my idea of charity. If I wanted to be charitable I'd have shoved a wad of cash in your pocket. And, of course I was turned on. I touched your willie!"

"But you're straight."

"Yes, well... look, I just wanted to kiss you, alright," Eddie said. I breathed deeply, noticing that my headache had nearly gone.

"Do you still want to?" I was slightly afraid of the answer. He shifted so he was lying next to me on his side in the tiny bed.

"Why wouldn't I still?"

I shrugged.

"Do you want me to?"

"I really quite fancy you, you know. Go on." He stared at me for a moment.

"No," he squealed. I kicked him. "Wot?"

"Quit teasing me, ya bastard," I whined.

"I told you, Demian," Eddie repeated, "I want you to make the first move."

"Well, it's a small bed. If I move too much--"

He cut me off. "Just shut up and kiss me." At his command, I leaned in and kissed him roughly on the lips. He seemed a bit shocked at my being so suddenly forward but soon caught up. We kissed passionately for several minutes, biting lips, tongues forcing their way into each others' mouths, swirling around. Eddie made the occasional soft grunting noise. I sealed my mouth to his and inhaled slightly, and he broke away momentarily.

"Ooh, I like that," he said.

"Oh, I just figured I'd try it." I curled my leg over the top of his. "On your back," I ordered. I raised my body up enough so he could shift under me, then straddled his waist, trying to hold myself up with the one arm still in a sling. "This isn't working. Hang about." My shoulder had really been feeling fine, as it was so loose. So I sat up, unstrapped the sling and threw it on the floor.

"You sure you should do that?" I nodded, pressing Eddie's shoulders into the bed. I bent down and did my special kiss again. He moaned softly and slid his tongue around, tickling the roof of my mouth. I undid a few buttons on Eddie's shirt and slipped a hand in, feeling his smooth, hairless skin. His chest rippled with goosebumps. I relinquished my hold on his lips and made a trail of tiny kisses starting from the corner of his mouth, down to the edge of his jawbone and down his neck to the space between his collarbones. I sucked gently on his skin for a few seconds before moving back up Eddie's neck to his earlobe. I nibbled on it slightly, then took his earring between my teeth and tugged delicately. Eddie kissed the side of my neck, making my skin tingle from the warm wetness of his tongue. I curled my tongue around the back of his ear and then... heard a knock on the door. I cursed under my breath.

"Yes," I called, sliding off Eddie to rest my head on his chest in a sort of innocent way.

"Just Dr. Parks. May I come in?"

"Um, yeah." I looked toward the door. Eddie pulled his arm around my shoulders as the door opened. Dr. Parks poked his head in.

"Hello. How are you feeling?"

"Just fine," I replied as he wandered into the room. "Had a bit of a headache earlier but am okay now."

"That's just the concussion talking. I see you took your sling off."

"Yeah. I've got a really loose shoulder, so I figured it would be okay."

"Yes, well as long as it doesn't start to bother you that should be fine. Just wanted to check up on you. You up for leaving tomorrow?" I nodded. "Okay, then. I'd let you leave tonight, but would like to keep you around, just in case. You going back to your boyfriend's house, then?" I paused, not knowing how to reply. Luckily, Eddie spoke for me.

"Yup, she is. Don't worry, I'll take good care of her."

"Sounds fine to me. Just, uh, no overly strenuous activity unless she's up for it." Eddie and I giggled.

"Okay," I said. Dr. Parks smiled and left the room.

"Boyfriend," I remarked.

"Why not," Eddie asked, shifting over to give me a long, sweet kiss.

* * *

The next day, Eddie picked me up at the hospital to drive me to his house. He wheeled me outside, then lifted me onto the car's hood, folded the wheelchair up and tried to fit it in his blue Mini. He pushed the front seats forward and began shoving it in the backseat. It just wouldn't fit.

"This isn't working," he mumbled sheepishly.

I laughed. "I don't really need it, I guess. I mean I can walk."

"You sure," he asked.

"Yeah. Don't worry about it, mate." He helped me into the car.

"I'll just return this. Be right back." He tossed me the car keys. "Start her up and put in a CD if you want." He closed my door and wandered off into the hospital with the chair. I jammed the keys in the ignition and started up Eddie's car, then found his CD book on the floormat. I opened it up, sliding down in my seat. Eddie had CDs by every artist I could think of and lots I'd never heard of. I spotted Queen's greatest hits near the front and grinned.

"Brilliant!" I stuck it in Eddie's player and the opening lines of "Bohemian Rhapsody" floated through the speakers. I hadn't heard Queen in a long time. I sang along quietly as Eddie came back outside and got into the car.

"Queen, eh?"

"Yeah" I smiled. "My favourite band."

"Groovy." He put the car into gear and drove off. "Go on, sing along."

"Okay..." I began singing quietly. Eddie turned up the stereo.

"Louder. C'mon, I wanna hear that voice your mum brags about." I sang louder, trying to match Freddie Mercury's tone. I almost did, but could never quite make it. I had a good voice, but let's face it: nobody can match Fred. We pulled up to Eddie's house a few songs later. He shut off the car and sat there for a minute. I looked around, hand halfway to the door handle, slightly confused. I lowered my hand back into my lap and looked at Eddie. He was simply staring forward, eyes slightly glazed. What the...?

"Um, Eddie?"

He blinked and turned to face me. "Oh, sorry. I, uh, guess we should go in."

I put my hand on his leg. "You okay?" I bit my lip somewhat nervously.

"Yeah! Yeah, I'm fine. Nothing doing." He seemed a bit too casual.

I squeezed his knee, smiling."You can tell me if something's wrong, ya know."

He nodded, swallowing. "I know, babe. I know. Let me get the door for you." He got out of the car, closing his door carefully, then wandered over to my side. He opened the door and held out a hand for me to balance on as I stood. I didn't really need it, but I appreciated his help. He held me around the waist, shutting the car door with his hip, and led me inside the house. As he opened the door, I whistled. It was even nicer than I'd imagined.

"Eddie, this is gorgeous!"

"Thanks. It's not finished yet, but I've got what I need."

My mum and Bobby must've heard us come in, because just then they dashed down the stairs to meet us. Mum gave me a huge hug, which Bobby then topped by nearly crushing me. I winced.

"Hi, guys. Mind if I get in the door before you send me back to the hospital with a broken rib?"

"Sorry, hon," said Bobby. He and Mum headed to the living room and sat down on the couches. Eddie led me into the room, placing his hand gently on the small of my back.

* * *

We spent the day talking. The discussion eventually led to transvestism. I was slightly uncomfortable about talking to my parents about that. I mainly stayed out of the conversation, unless I had a point to make. Eddie listened carefully, wearing the face he did in so many interviews, when he was listening intently. I couldn't look at him; it distracted me to the point that my train of thought completely derailed.

I soon found that I could speak openly to my parents. Whether they understood where I was coming from or not, I didn't know. It's a complicated area to get into. They seemed to not understand the area I was coming from, in that I wanted to look like a feminine guy. Like David Bowie or someone.

"So what you're saying," my mum said, "Is that you want to be a guy, but like a transvestite guy?"

"Yeah," I replied. "It's kind of weird, I know. But it's like... I'm so uncomfortable with... myself... that..."

"It's like this," Eddie said, seeing that I was struggling to put what I felt into words. "She wants to be able to wear makeup and still be seen as a boy. Like, she has to be so far removed from female that nobody would second guess anything." I didn't cringe when Eddie used a female form of me. I knew he was doing it for my parents' sake.

"Right," I said. "I would have to be so convincingly male that I would never be thought of as a girl. Then I'd be free, really, to wear whatever I wanted."

"Yeah," Bobby interjected, "But you can wear whatever you want now."

I pondered the question for a moment.

"Mind if I field this one," Eddie asked. I nodded in approval and he launched into an explanation. "It's not about the clothes. Clothes are inconsequential. Now, this is the area where Courtney and I differ. See, she wants everybody to think she's a guy. Which is fine because inside her head that's what she is. Um, so in order for her to wear the girlie stuff she has to remove that part of her. Otherwise her brain goes into overload and she can't handle it. If she wears the girlie clothes she's not expressing her true self. Because, while the girl part is still there, it's such a miniscule part that making an example of it would be too much. It would be almost like if I put a neon sign on my nose telling people that it was the most important thing I had to offer." He looked at me. "That right so far?"

"Yeah, that's perfect," I said.

"Are you really that uncomfortable with being a girl," my mum asked.

"Yeah," I admitted. "I mean, just cos I happen to have the body I do, doesn't mean that's who I am."

"See," Eddie explained, "it's complicated. She wants to express it but doesn't want to be forced into living with that. And now, if she did wear the clothes or act remotely feminine, everybody would make a big deal of it and force her into being something she isn't. And if nobody made a mention of it, out of respect or whatever, she'd feel like nobody cared enough to notice. It's all or nothing. Right?"

"Yeah," I said. "It'd be like, well... Mum. You like to wear mens jeans and stuff sometimes."

"Yeah," she said.

"So," I continued, "If you decided to wear them one day-- baggy jeans, running shoes, and a big sweatshirt or something-- and then suddenly everybody started viewing you as a guy, that wouldn't be right. Right?"

She nodded.

I went on. "You wouldn't like that. It'd be just like you wore mens' jeans so now you're a man. People expect you to start behaving like one, use the mens' bathroom, and all that stuff. Which is something you don't necessarily want to do."

"Okay," she said. Bobby nodded along.

"It's the opposite for me. If I wore a dress or something, people would try and push me into a box. Right now, I'm still sort of in a box but it's a slightly bigger box. With windows. See, I've still got the girl thing. I can feel that. But I wear the boys' stuff and I hang with the boys. But... I don't know. I can be me. So I'm being me. Think about this. My basic personality is mostly boy and a little bit girl. Or half and half. Or... I'm not sure what the ratio is, but I know I feel like a boy. If I think about myself, I think of a boy. So the clothes are my way of expressing that. The body part is the only real part of me that's all girl. And that's hidden by the boy clothes, just like any girl feelings I have are hidden by the boy ones. See?"

"I think you've just confused me more," Bobby said.

"Eddie," I asked.

"Right. I wear whatever clothes I want. Male, female, it doesn't matter. Because I'm mostly even in my male and female sides. Courts is more boy so she wears boy clothes. If I were more girl then I would wear mostly girl clothes."

"So do you want to have surgery or something," Mum asked hesitantly.

"No. Err, yes. Err... Not entirely. I mean, I want to look more like a boy but I don't want to leave the girl part behind. Not entirely. So, I might do some minor stuff just to enhance the boy image. Facial reconstruction and stuff. And, em, chest surgery."

"You want to do that," Eddie asked.

"I hate 'em. But it would all depend on how my husband feels, when I get married. If it's important I keep them I will. If he doesn't care they'll go."

* * *

We all went to bed early that night. My mum chose the couch, and Bobby had the spare room, leaving me... with Eddie. I was pleased as hell about that. I felt really lonely, like I needed someone to hold me constantly. So, after saying goodnight to my mum and Bobby (who both looked rather concerned about the sleeping arrangements), Eddie and I headed upstairs. He showed me where he'd folded up all my clothes in some drawers, and I looked around for some pyjamas. I couldn't find any.

"Well, it seems I didn't pack any pyjamas."

"I don't mind if you don't," Eddie said. He wasn't being cheeky; he was actually being serious. I shrugged and stripped down to my skivvies. Eddie was already lying on top of the covers in his red bikini briefs. He looked so yummy. There was not a single hair on his body. Just creamy white skin with a generous dusting of freckles. I flopped on the bed next to him and poked his stomach.

"Yes?"

"Oh, nothing," I replied. "Just wanted to poke your tummy." He smiled and poked me back. I rolled on top of him so I could rest my head on his shoulder. Our stomachs were touching. A wonderful feeling. I swirled a finger around his chest. "I like your freckles. They're sexy." I had a thing for freckles. Eddie kissed the top of my head and I hugged him back tightly.

"You ready for bed, hon," he asked. I nodded. I was exhausted. "Kay, lemme up." I rolled off of Eddie so he could turn off the light and bounce back into bed. We got under the covers together and he slowly got closer and closer to me, until his arm was touching mine. He then rolled onto his side and pulled me into him, so that my back was pressed against his chest. His skin was so warm and soft. It felt like he was cloaked in satin. He draped his arm across my stomach, sending a warm rippling sensation up and down my body. Velvety lips touched the back of my neck so lightly, it was almost imperceptible. He fell asleep before I did and before I finally closed my eyes for the night, I saw the door open and my mother poke her head in. She didn't see that I was awake. She smiled and closed the door softly.

* * *

Over the next couple of days, Eddie was mostly gone to meetings and auditions. I spent a lot of time sleeping, and hanging out with Mum and Bobby. My brother came over, hanging out with us and Eddie. The whole situation was uncomfortable. I loved spending time with my family, but not under these particular circumstances. I didn't want them to feel sorry for me, and I was slightly embarassed I'd gotten so messed up from the fight.

Each night, I went to sleep relatively early, and would wake up as Eddie wrapped his arms around me when he came in later. In the morning he was gone, but there was a cute note on the nightstand next to the bed.

The night before they all left, though, I decided to go back downstairs for a drink. I headed down the stairs slowly, gripping the rail. I'd put on one of Eddie's dressing gowns. I heard murmurs of conversation coming from the front room and stopped at the bottom of the stairs to listen. Eddie was talking quietly.

"But see, you don't understand. She's not doing this to cause anybody any damage. It's not her fault. This is who she is, and it's not going to change. She's the same as I am."

"I know, but it's just that the doctor told me I had a little girl. I wanted a little girl. I had one for a few years. I just don't see how this change could have suddenly happened," my mum said.

"It didn't suddenly happen," Eddie said. He sighed. "She was always this way. She just didn't understand it. When did she start dropping hints that she was anything other than a girl?" "I guess when she was nine or ten. She suddenly wanted really short hair and boys' jeans."

I looked around the corner and saw Mum, Bobby, and Eddie sitting on the couches. Cody was nowhere to be found. I guessed he had gone to bed earlier.

"Okay," Eddie said. "That's pretty young. Really young, in fact. But just because she didn't show any signs earlier doesn't mean she just suddenly changed. It just means she had churned it around in her head long enough to finally realise what she wanted. Why would she change overnight anyway?"

"I don't suppose she would have," Bobby said.

"I just don't think she was always like this," my mum insisted.

"What do you think caused it, then? Or at what point do you think she changed? What was the reason," Eddie asked. His tone was one of curiosity, not judgemental in the least.

"Well, when she was young everybody thought she was a boy because she had short hair and wore all these sweatpants and stuff."

"Did she choose to wear those sweatpants? When did you start letting her pick what she wore around the house and to school and just around?"

"Um... After Cody was born," she answered.

"So, when she was two or three," Eddie asked. Mum nodded. "Don't you think that if being called a boy bothered her then she would have put two and two together and started wearing dresses or something? Anything to look more girlie? Look, it's a positive reinforcement thing. If she liked being called a boy, it would only make sense that she continue to pass herself off for one if possible."

"That makes sense," my mum conceded. "But you don't feel the need to pass as a female."

"No," Eddie replied. "But I used to. For a few years, when I first came out. But it's different for me. You see, with me I can't pass. Occasionally, yeah, but not usually. And because I'm a bloke I can wear whatever I want and people know who I am. What I am. There aren't very many female transvestites. Nobody knows they even exist. She feels the need to be out-- open about it. And this is the only way she feels she can accomplish that."

"Why not just tell people? And besides that, she's not really a boy, so that's not really being open," she retaliated.

"No," Bobby said, "but Eddie said she's more boy than she is girl. So having people think she's a guy is closer to what she wants."

"It's a sex- versus- gender thing," Eddie explained. "Her sex is female, but her gender is male. Or somewhere in between. Anyway, you guys want another coke?"

They both nodded and Eddie stood up to get the drinks.

Shit. I turned around and started to go back up the stairs. I felt Eddie's hand on my shoulder and stopped. The stairs were just around the corner from the front room so my parents couldn't see me, only Eddie. He came up a couple of stairs to meet me.

"Don't worry," he whispered. "She'll come around. I heard you come down about five minutes ago. You need anything?"

"Just a coke," I said.

"Okay," he replied, and disappeared into the kitchen. He returned carrying four cans of coke. Handing me one, he said, "Why don't you just go on up to bed. I'll take care of everything."

"Okay."

He kissed me on the cheek and returned to his spot on the couch. I went back up the stairs and got into bed.

Thanks, Eddie.

* * *

The night my parents and brother left, I went with Eddie to drop them at the airport. Eddie and I hugged them all goodbye. It was tearful. Even Eddie had tears in his eyes as they all made their way through the security check and out of sight.

"C'mon, hon," Eddie said, taking my hand. I noticed then how soft his hands were. His grip was firm, but his skin was the softest I'd ever felt. Like he'd never touched anything in his life. We made our way slowly out of the airport to Eddie's car. He helped me in and we made our way back to his house in nearly total silence. As soon as we got there, he asked me if I still wanted to sleep in his bed.

"Yes, if you don't mind."

"Of course I don't," he replied simply, and we crawled into the bed. He seemed a bit distant, for some reason, but nonetheless, he laid on his back and pulled me close, sliding his arm behind my neck. He turned his head towards me and kissed my cheek. At this, my eyes teared up. I didn't know why; maybe it was just the days' events, or the buildup of stress. A tear trickled down the side of my face and landed on Eddie's arm.

"What's the matter, Demian? Do you want me to leave?"

I rolled over to face him. "No! Please don't. I... need you here."

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know," I replied slowly. He kissed my cheek again. I shuddered and the tears began flowing freely.

"Shhh. It's okay, honey. Please don't be sad. Do you want to talk?" I shook my head.

"Let's just... go to sleep, okay?" He nodded. I rolled over so my back was to him. He cautiously moved in next to me, putting his arm around my waist. I didn't pull away, rather linked my fingers in with his. He gripped my hand tightly and buried his face in my hair, touching his lips to the back of my neck. He let my hand go briefly to take hold of my waist and press the full length of my body against his. He took my hand again and slid his legs between mine, pulling them back a bit so our bodies were entirely interlocked. It was an amazing feeling, being so close to him. Every time my breathing got shaky, he whispered comforting words in my ear and kissed the back of my neck.

* * *

I must've fallen asleep before him. The next day I woke up feeling utterly fabulous, as you often do after a good cry. Eddie was still asleep, breath fluttering the little hair I had left. I rolled over to face him and stared at him for several minutes. He was absolutely adorable, with a slight crooked grin playing across his face. His hair was sticking up all over, and his little tummy jutted out cutely. I glanced at the clock on the nightstand behind him and saw that it was just after noon. I blew softly in his ear and he wiggled a little, then rolled onto his back. Perfect. I climbed on top of him carefully, so as not to wake him just yet. I leaned over him slowly and gave him a kiss full on the lips. He woke up instantly, opening his eyes wide. I felt him smile and then his tongue slipped quickly into my mouth and swirled around. I broke away after a few seconds. He grinned.

"What a way to be woken up!" I winked.

"Don't tell me," I remarked cheekily, "that out of your many lovers, not one has woken you up with a kiss before."

"Not quite like that."

"You slut," I exclaimed. He feigned shock and insult, shaking a fist at me.

"Time for a shower," Eddie said. I didn't move. "Come on! You don't want a smelly Eddie. Trust me, nobody likes a smelly Eddie."

I shook my head.

"Can we just put you in a glass case and stare at you? You're so pretty... Especially with your hair all mussed up and a bit of drool on your chin."

"Hey!" He wiped at his chin, found that I was lying, and shoved me playfully off his stomach. I growled. He rolled off the bed, nearly toppling over, then pranced over to the adjoining bathroom door. He stopped in the doorway, jutted out his hips, and spread his arms wide, touching the wall on both sides of the door with his fingertips.

"You look so adorable in those little briefs," I gushed.

"Yes, but I look much better without them." With that, he disappeared into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. I heard the sink turn on. A couple of minutes later the door opened again. He had lost the underpants. "Aren't you coming?" I swallowed hard.

"If I have my way about it," I muttered.

"What was that?"

"Oh, nothing," I said mysteriously. Scrambling off the bed and into the bathroom, I nearly ran him over. He gave me a slightly surprised look as I grazed past him. I brushed my teeth quickly, staring at Eddie in the mirror. He stared back with a mischeivious look playing across his face. He turned on the shower faucet as I set my toothbrush down and turned around. "Mmmmmm," Eddie growled. I leaned against the sink, breathing heavily as I looked Eddie up and down. He strutted over to me and grabbed me around the waist.

"Cocky bastard." He raised an eyebrow and began stroking my sides. My stomach muscles tightened involuntarily as he stuck his thumbs underneath my bra and pulled it off over my head. He pressed his chest against mine and began kissing my neck gently. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply as he continued to stroke my body. His hands worked their way down to my waist, fingers tickling my skin. He gently lowered my briefs and I stepped out of them. I pulled my harness off and he took my hand, leading me into the shower.

We stepped in together and he pulled me under the water with him, hands working their way up and down my body. I rubbed my fingers over his chest and shoulders. Eddie plucked a bottle of shampoo off the side of the tub and squeezed a bit into his hand. He began slowly rubbing the shampoo in my hair and then prodded me into the spray to rinse it off. He lathered up and rinsed his own hair, then pulled me toward him again. I picked up a bar of soap and began lathering up Eddie's chest and back. He pressed his body against mine, smearing around the soap. The water pounded against Eddie's head, plastering his hair to his forehead. He leaned in even closer and began kissing and nibbling my neck, hands exploring my back wildly. I put a finger under his chin and raised his head to plant a passionate kiss on his silky lips. I soaped up my hands again and ran them down his stomach and between his legs. He moaned as I gently washed him up. He did the same to me, spending as much time as was possible, driving me wild. As the water streaked down our bodies, he got rougher, and began sliding his tongue around my neck.

Eddie worked his way down my neck and onto my chest, taking his time. I ran my fingers through his hair as he nibbled on my skin. As uncomfortable as I was with my girl's body, I let him enjoy himself. I sighed as his tongue slid across my stomach. He knelt down on the floor of the shower, kissing his way downward.

"I've been waiting so long for this," he breathed. Not as long as I have...

* * *

A little while later, Eddie and I sat naked on his bed. I was a bit uncomfortable and tried to discreetly cover myself by crossing my arms across my chest. Eddie stroked my thigh gently, kissing my neck at the same time.

"Don't hide from me, Demian," he purred, pulling my arms away from my body. "You're beautiful." I looked down at the floor. I didn't feel beautiful. I didn't even want to. At that point I didn't know what I wanted. Eddie turned me to face him. "What's the matter, honey?"

"I don't know... I mean, don't you ever feel uncomfortable in your body?"

"Nearly every day. You do learn to deal with it."

"I know. I think a lot if it has to do with the fact that I've never been in this type of situation before."

"What, naked on a bed with a bloke?"

"Yeah."

"I'm not judging you. Look, I know how tough this is for you. Lots of people are uncomfortable with their bodies, but folks like us have it tougher. You just have to stick it out."

"I know. I try. Sometimes it just hits me."

"Oh, I know how that is. I want you to know that I'm here for you." Eddie took me in his arms, kissed me softly on the cheek, and let me rest my head on his shoulder. He just held me there for a moment, running his hands up and down my back. Slowly releasing me, he held me by the shoulders and said, "I've got a bit of a surprise for you." I looked up expectantly.

"What?"

"Well, after your therapy. C'mon, get dressed. We have to leave in a few minutes." He stood and took my hands, pulling me off the bed. "C'mon." I wandered over to the dresser, pulled open a few drawers, and grabbed out some clothes. Eddie was inside the closet, pulling things out. I set my clothes on the bed; Eddie did the same. We had both gotten out a pair of black Levi buttonfly jeans. He giggled. We both set about getting dressed. Aside from his jeans, he was wearing a very sexy blue dress shirt with his fabulous cufflinks. But-- and I couldn't stand this-- his shirt was untucked.

"Tuck your shirt in, you slob!" He looked down, slightly shocked.

"Why?" He brushed his hands down his shirttails.

"Cos I wanna see that cute ass of yours. Not to mention... Well, you know what I like. Come on, you sexy bastard."

He rolled his eyes. "Okay, with your help?"

I grinned devilishly and reached under his shirt, sticking my fingers in his waistband to pull him closer. I ripped open his trouser buttons, pulled his jeans down to his thighs and straightened out his shirt, then pulled his jeans back up, shoving his shirt carefully into the waistband. Making sure all his bits and pieces were securely inside his jeans, I buttoned them up, turned him round, and smacked him on the arse.

"Let's go, you impossibly sexy boy, you."

* * *

Physical therapy had been getting progressively easier over the previous few days. I was walking pretty much normally, although I tired more easily than usual. My shoulder was back to normal, but I stuck to the therapy in hopes of improving the strength of my tendons. I was progressing quickly, which I suppose was a good thing, but it would also mean that I'd have to leave Eddie sooner. And I couldn't face that idea just yet. But I did my best with the therapy. Eddie, sitting quietly in the corner, watching, looked impressed. At the end of the session, he greeted me with a kiss and led me out to his car. He looked jumpy, in an excited kind of way.

"How you feeling?"

"Just fine," I told him. "A little sore, but in a good way."

"Good! Now, this isn't a hugely exciting surprise, but I thought you'd enjoy it." He started up the car and drove out of the parking lot. He headed toward an area I hadn't been before. After ten minutes or so we pulled into a carpark to a fancy barber shop. Eddie parked the car. "Ta- da!"

Odd surprise, I thought. But, what the hell-- I liked getting haircuts. I grinned.

"Yes, I know this isn't the most fabulous thing, but..." I kissed him on the lips.

"I love it. Thank you."

"Well, it's not done yet. Let's go in. I've made you an appointment with my guy." We got out of the car and Eddie took my hand, leading me into the building. He held the door open for me and followed me in. There were several people getting haircuts in the shop.

"Hello, folks," Eddie called. The barbers all glanced towards us and grinned, shouting their salutations to Eddie. He was obviously a regular customer who was well- liked.

"Hey, Jerry," one of them called. A man came out of the back room, saw Eddie, and smiled. He walked over to us and shook Eddie's hand warmly.

"Hi, Jerry," Eddie said. "This is my very close friend Demian. He's here for a bit of a cut." Jerry extended his hand, which I shook firmly.

"Hello, Demian."

"Hi." Jerry seemed like a very friendly bloke. He was in his lower thirties perhaps, with stylish glasses and long black hair. He led me over to a chair and sat me down, fastening a cape around my neck.

"Now, what are we doing here?" I looked in the mirror at my choppy hair.

"Errrrrm," I looked at Eddie. "Eds, what do you think? I mean... What can we do?" Eddie wandered over and began playing with my hair.

"I think probably just even it out, yeah?" I nodded.

"Yeah, short back and sides, slightly longer on top," I said. Jerry looked over my hair.

"Yes," he said. "Doctors and their haircuts." We all giggled. "Now, would you like the colour done or just cut it all off? It would end up being very short."

"Errrrrr," I considered the idea. "Well, I don't think it would look all that great really short. How about just matching my natural colour? I've been dyeing it so long I forgot what it looks like!"

"Consider it done," Jerry said, and began spraying down my hair. "Now, Mr. Izzard, would you like something done? It's about that time, and I've got an opening."

"Sure thing, Jerry." Eddie wandered over to the chair next to mine and sat down, spinning the chair from side to side. Jerry began combing my hair and playing with it, seeing how it fell, and then began cutting. He finished up quickly and then wandered into the back room, presumably to mix the dye. I looked at my hair in the mirror. It looked pretty good, considering how the doctors had butchered it to begin with. Eddie sat in his chair, still spinning, and began picking up combs and scissors from the shelves in front of him.

"Eddie, you silly kid," I scolded jokingly. He glanced up at me and brandished a comb menacingly, then broke into a grin and stuck his tongue out. I took the opportunity to make a very bad joke: "I don't French kiss long- distance."

"That was juvenile of you," Eddie mocked. "I thought you were supposed to be the mature one!"

"Not on your life." Jerry came back into the main room, mixing hair dye in a plastic bowl, and grinned at Eddie.

"Just can't keep your hands off my equipment, can you, mate?" Eddie winked at Jerry, as he began slathering dye over my hair. When he was finished, he put a shower cap type thing over my head. "Alright. I'm gonna cut Ed's hair. When he'd done, you should be." I nodded as Jerry wrapped a cape around Eddie.

"Hey, it's Captain Transvestite," I joked, much to the amusement of the other customers in the shop. Eddie rolled his eyes. As Jerry wet and began cutting his hair, I stared hard at Eddie. He looked so cute with his hair all smoothed down. He bounced his foot and moved his hands around under his cape. Jerry plucked up pieces of Eddie's hair and fluttered a straight- edged razor over it, letting it feather down atop his head. Finishing up Eddie's haircut in record speed, Jerry brushed the hair off the back of his neck with a bit fluffy brush and removed the cape, then collected me to wash my hair.

* * *

After we left the barber shop, Eddie took my hand and led me to his car. Letting me in, this time he blindfolded me, closed my door, and got in beside me.

"You don't need to stop off home and get anything, do you," he asked. I shook my head.

"Brilliant," he said, started up the car, and began driving.

"Where we goin'," I asked in a sing- songy voice.

"It's a secret." That's all he said the entire drive, which lasted about half an hour. When we finally stopped, he let me out of the car and guided me onto a sidewalk. He stopped me and I heard a set of keys jingling. He led me through a door, which he locked behind us. Taking me by the elbow, he guided me on a winding route across what felt like a hardwood floor and sat me down on a leather armchair.

"Stay here. I'll be right back." Eddie's shoes clicked on the floor, getting farther away. "And, no peeking!"

I waited for him for several minutes, trying to figure out where I had been taken. I felt warmth coming from several feet in front of me, and heard the flicker of flames. The scent of vanilla flowed through the room, masking an underlying, slightly musty smell which was familiar, but I couldn't place it. The room felt cozy but spacious, and slightly humid. After a few minutes soft music, almost unnoticeable, came flowing from all directions, as if it were being played through a PA. I relaxed, sitting back in the chair, for a few more minutes. I sensed the lights being dimmed and soon felt somebody standing in front of me. I knew from the smell it was Eddie. Clean little boy smell, with the tiniest hint of sweet cologne. I felt him leaning towards me and breathed deeply as his satiny lips touched mine. I parted my mouth slightly and his slick tongue slid in to greet my own. His mouth tasted mildly sweet, almost like milk. He took my hands and pressed them against his face. He cupped the back of my head with his hands.

He slowly pulled away with a final soft kiss, and walked around behind me, trailing his fingers up my arm and onto my shoulder. He leaned in and whispered in my ear, "Enjoy." Then Eddie pulled off my blindfold and walked off behind me into another room. I looked around the room, taking everything in. It appeared to be an old, beautiful library. The fireplace on the wall was surrounded in brick, and the tall bookshelves that went from floor to vaulted ceiling were a rich mahogany colour. They were lined with hundreds of hardback and leatherbound books. I had been right; the room was large, and well- furnished. Apart from the chair, there were two couches and a coffee table which matched the wood of the shelves. An ornate crystal chandalier hung from the ceiling, reflections of the large fire shooting rainbows of light around the room. On the coffee table two silver candles flickered, and between them was a bottle of Pinot Grigio wine and two glasses. Two gold- dipped roses lay crossed on the table. The room itself was sparsely, yet tastefully decorated, with pieces of silver tinsel.

I heard clanking coming from behind me, and turned round to see Eddie walking in, dressed in a sharp black suit with long tails and a tie (!) and carrying a large silver tray. He set the tray on the coffee table. On it were two plates, each containing a piece of beautifully grilled salmon, small pile of rice, and steamed vegetables with a fabulous- looking melted cheese sauce. It all smelled wonderful. I stared in awe at Eddie. He looked stunning, his intense eyes glinting in the dim, flickering light, suit fitted in all the right places, shoes nicely shined, shirt crisp, and tie perfectly straight. He kept his head tilted down towards the table but looked at me out of the corner of his eye in a way that sent a shiver down my spine. His eyes sparkled with a hint of mystery as he straightened out and strutted smoothly over to me, crossing one foot in front of the other as he walked. He stopped in front of me, nodded his head once, and took my hand to lead me over to the couch.

He motioned for me to sit, not saying a word and acting the perfect gentleman. He bowed his head again, then opened the bottle of wine, pouring two glasses. Handing me one, he sat next to me on the couch and raised his glass.

"To a wonderful evening," he said. I nodded to him, still unable to speak, clinked my glass to his, and took a sip of the wine. I set the glass down and Eddie handed me a plate, then took his own. Eddie picked up his fork and sat there, cutely staring at me with just a hint of a smile in his eyes. "Go on," he said. I dug into my salmon and tasted a small bite. It was wonderful. "Do you like it?"

"Yes, it's delicious." He grinned and began eating his own food. We ate in silence. I didn't know what to say, but as we ate, Eddie began to look slightly uncomfortable. I scooted a bit closer to him and set down my plate. He put his own down and turned to me. I stared into his eyes, reading him. Placing a finger under his chin, I tilted his head closer to mine and drew in closer to him. "Thank you, Eddie," I whispered into his slightly open mouth, then pressed my lips to his. He sighed softly and gave into me. I pressed him backwards against the couch and began loosening his tie. He put a hand on my shoulder and I pulled away slightly.

"Wait. I'm not finished yet." I sat up reluctantly, wanting nothing more than to finish what we'd started. Glancing down I saw that he was probably wishing for the same thing. "You're going to like this. Trust me." Eddie stood up and again left the room. After a few seconds he poked his head out the door. "It's going to be a few minutes. Why don't you have a cigarette and some more wine while you're waiting." Sounded like a good idea to me, so I pulled out my pack of Camels and lit one. I laid back on the couch, putting my feet up, and stared up at the chandalier. I wondered what Eddie was up to, but had a fairly good guess. I blew some smoke rings up at the ceiling and watched them dissipate. I sipped some more wine and stubbed out my cigarette on the bottom of my shoe, setting the butt on the table. A few minutes later, I heard a soft knock at the door and sat up. Eddie emerged from the other room. He was wearing a black silk robe over red silk pyjamas, and his black dress socks. He was wearing a hint of makeup: some silver eyeshadow, eyeliner and mascara, and deep red lipstick. He looked absolutely stunning. He stood in front of the door, posing modestly with his hands behind his back, and leaning forward slightly, head cocked.

I stood up, staring blatently at him. His expression never changed. It was one of deep mischief and perhaps even lust. He made his way over to me, looking like a predator stalking his prey. His hands remained behind his back until he stopped within a few feet of me. Without a word, he took my hand and led me toward the door. I followed silently, a pang of excitement and a hint of nervousness in the pit of my stomach. When we got to the door, he stopped me and stood to face me. Pulling me close, he gently ran his fingers down my face, signaling for me to close my eyes. I did. Eddie opened the door and prodded me inside, stood behind me, then pressed his body fully into mine, covering my eyes with his baby- soft hands. He walked me forward and slowly removed his hands from in front of my face. Seeing the room, I was stunned. It was about the size of a bedroom, and looked as if it had been a private study at one point. It was possibly the most remarkable thing I had ever seen. The shelves were draped with deep blue satin sheets, each with a silver ribbon across the front. Most of the floor was covered in feather pillows-- there must have been two dozen-- and spread atop the pillows were more satin sheets. The room was lit by dozens of silver candles in ornate glass candelabras. Set up on a small table in the corner of the room were several bottles that appeared to be flavoured massage oils. The music was queued in this room as well. Eddie was still firmly attached to my back, with his hands clutching my waist tightly.

"Eddie, this... this is..." He walked round to face me, taking my hands.

"This," he began, "is all about you. We can do whatever you want. Anything. Or nothing. A chance for you to live out your fantasy, whatever that happens to be at this moment." I was stunned. Anything I wanted? "I've got something, if you're interested. Go over to the table." I walked over to the table where the massage oils were situated. Looking behind them, I saw my prosthetic sex kit. I grinned to myself, then turned to Eddie, donning a serious expression.

"Hon, not tonight." I walked back over to him slowly. "Very sweet thought, but tonight..." I took his hand. "I want it to be just you..." I breathed the last two words into his mouth, "and me." I attached my lips to his. "But first, I want you to do something for me." I backed slowly away from him.

"Anything."

"I want the look. You know the one." He did know. He put all his weight on one hip and fell back against the wall. He bit down on one fingernail and, with an intense sparkle in his eye, grinned ever so slightly. That look always gave me chills. I burned the image onto my retinas. I didn't blink; I couldn't. Instead, after a moment, I pressed his back into the wall and grabbed him by the front of his robe, pulling it down his shoulders. Pressing my hips into his, I untied his robe in one swift pull and it fell to the floor in a heap. I took his hands and rested them on my lower back. He moved them slowly downward while I stroked his chest through his satin pyjama shirt, kissing his neck gently. I began unbuttoning his shirt slowly, kissing his chest lower with each button undone. Eddie's hands were busy exploring my back. I took them and attached his finders to the buttons on my shirt. He began unbuttoning as I tugged on his shirt. He freed his hands, allowing me to remove his top, then continued unbuttoning, removing my shirt when he was done. I pressed my body up against his and placed his hands this time on the waistband to my jeans. He undid the buttons one by one and I stepped back a bit to allow him to pull them down. I stepped out of my jeans and grabbed him by the wasitband of his pyjamas (which didn't leave a whole lot to the imagination), leading him to the makeshift bed. He trembled slightly as I pushed him to the floor on his stomach. He folded his arms and rested his chin on them as I went over to the corner table to grab the little bottles of massage oil.

I tossed the bottles on the floor and straddled his waist in my little black Jockeys. I chose a bottle of strawberry oil and squeezed a generous amount onto my hands, then began rubbing it deeply into his back. I started with his neck and shoulders, pushing and prodding his tight muscles, I felt him sigh contentedly. Once all the oil was rubbed in thoroughly, I drizzled more onto his shoulderblades and began working the oil in, slowly making my way to his lower back. His perfectly curved, tiny waist felt like heaven under my fingers. After I reached his waistband, I ran my hands up the length of his back up to his arms, letting myself fall into him. Raising myself above him, I let him roll over onto his back and chose a different bottle. I lowered myself back onto his waist and drizzled a healthy portion of chocolate- flavoured oil all over his chest and stomach.

Eddie breathed deeply, stretched out his neck, and closed his eyes as I stroked his chest and stomach. His hands followed mine up and down his body. After the oil had all been thoroughly rubbed in, I leaned over him and began slowly kissing and licking his chest. He reached up and ran his hands along my own trembling stomach, up and underneath my bra. I paused for a moment so he could remove it completely. He opened his eyes, flashing icy blue lightning bolts at me. He let out a strained groan as I shifted down to suck softly on his pecs. I took my time there, drinking in his soft moans as I nibbled on his skin, now slick with oil and sweat. I could feel his heart pounding in his chest and matched the rhythm. I let my hands press into his sides, working their way up to his chest and down to his waist, then back up again. Slowly, I moved down lower in order to administer more insistent kisses to his stomach. Eddie arched his back slightly, and I could feel his abdomen clenching as I left light marks in a perfect line down the centre of his belly. My chest was now resting softly on his crotch, and I knew he was enjoying the attention immensely.

I now let my hands make their way under the arch of his back, digging my fingernails in lightly. I scraped my tongue roughly across his lower stomach, hands now making their way over his pyjamas. I played with the elastic of his underpants, which I could feel through the silk. He flinched slightly at the touch, then slipped his fingers under his waistband and arched his back even more to pull his trousers down slightly. I sat up and grinned wickedly at what I saw. He was wearing completely sheer white lace panties. The fabric was straining to its limit. I pushed his satin trousers down around his knees and removed my own briefs, then leaned in, kissing and licking roughly through the nearly invisible lace. After a moment, I ran my hand over his knickers then crawled slowly back up his body, teasing him. Taking his hands, I stretched them above his head and flicked my tongue across his lips, keeping one hand on his to ensure he didn't try to move, my other hand running up and down his chest. Angel eyes pleaded with me. I took his lower lip in my teeth and gently tugged before releasing it. Then I devoured his sweet lips, smearing lipstick all over both of our faces. His eye makeup was smudged from sweat.

Finally, I let Eddie's hands go, and they travelled down my back, leaving scratches from his rough yet somehow gentle touch. He stopped at the haunches and pulled me in closer to him. I abandoned his mouth and barely touched my lips to his cheek. His eyelashes brushed against my skin as he closed his eyes. I delicately kissed his eyelids and then dragged my tongue down his face and throat, stopping to suckle at the base of his neck. Eddie's chest heaved as he took a deep, shuddering breath. My lips made their way back down to his chest again-- I no longer had any control over what I was doing. My angel's fingers flitted through my hair as my hands travelled down, down... and slipped under the waistband of Eddie's gauzy pants. Fingers trembling, I stripped him of the final piece of cloth separating us.

* * *

I lay on Eddie's heaving chest, listening to his pounding heart, his raspy breath. I felt sweat pooled up on his chest, a mixture of his and my own. I gripped him tightly, never wanting to let him go. With Eddie, I felt a security I'd never known before. Just being near him, I felt completely safe, as if nothing could ever hurt me again. As in my dream, I felt no regrets. I always knew that if I were to take this final step with someone, as I had just done, I would have to be completely, entirely in love with him. I would have no hangups. No questions. No hesitations. And, I hadn't any.

Eddie's breathing eventually became less rapid and heavy, as did my own. Occasionally, a soft moan escaped his lips. He held me tightly around the shoulders, as if he were afraid to let me go. He kissed me on top of my head. I looked up at him and realised he had been staring at me the entire time I'd been thinking. He had a kind look in his eyes, with a hint of concern. I craned my neck up and kissed him warmly. His makeup was comically smeared around his mouth. He smiled.

"How're you," he asked, nearly in a whisper.

"I'm fine."

"Your first time?"

I nodded. "Was it that obvious?"

He considered the question for a moment. "No... I mean, in some aspects yes... But I gotta say, I do like your style." He stroked my hair softly.

"I wasn't too... em..."

"Dear, you were perfect." I looked at him questioningly. "Really!" Eddie pinched my sides, trying to make me jump.

"Not ticklish." He pouted for a minute. I kissed him. "So, Eddie... what is this place, anyway?" He stared at the ceiling, contemplating.

"It's... Well, obviously it's a library. My friend's dad owned this place. Designed it himself, furnished it... I used to come here whenever I could, after hours. I was actually closer to my friend's dad than I was to my friend. We'd talk about everything. He brought me coffee and we'd sit in front of the fire, just talking about problems I had, all sorts of stuff. Odd thing to imagine, me spending any time in a library, but as you can see, there's a great atmosphere here. Anyway," he continued, taking a deep breath, "After I started getting really big into comedy I spent a lot less time here. Then about five years ago I got word that the owner had died. He'd left me the library, still fully furnished. Something to remember him by, I guess. This is where I come when I'm feeling lonely, or when I think nobody cares." He shifted onto his side to face me, and ran his fingers through my hair. "I've never shown this place to anybody. I keep it locked up, with all the windows covered. I brought you here because I know that you feel the same way I do sometimes. I want you to be able to come to a place like this when you're feeling lonely and remember me." I remained silent. Sometimes you just don't know what to say, you know? "You... Amaze me," I finally said. He smiled. "Why?" "Ya just do. I don't have to explain myself to you," I said in mock anger, then broke into a grin. "Thank you for bringing me here. I love it." With that, I pushed him onto his back and climbed back onto him. I slid my hands under his head and locked my lips to his. I felt his lips curve upward into a smile. I pulled away. "So, what's for dessert?" "You are," Eddie purred, and rolled over on top of me. * * * I woke up the next day completely surrounded by fluffy pillows and blue satin sheets. I heard soft breathing and turned to Eddie, who was lying naked on his back, on top of the sheets. His hand was still holding mine, as it was when we had fallen asleep. His chest, rising and falling smoothly, was still glistening with oil. Around the room, clothing was scattered about. The candles had long melted into mere stubs and thick globs of wax clung to the glass holders. I brought Eddie's hand to my lips and gave it a soft kiss. He stirred slightly and opened his eyes. They were bright from sleep, the striking blue standing out even in the dark, windowless room.

"Hello, love," Eddie whispered. "Is there anything you require? I could have it here in just a few minutes."

"All I need is right here. Just you, me, and twenty feather pillows."

"Pillows?" I nodded. "Why would you need pillows?" I reached over and grabbed one in both hands.

"So I can do this," I said, smacking him in the side with the pillow.

"Two can play this game." Eddie grabbed a pillow of his own and swung at me. We both stood up simultaneously and began whacking each other with the fluffy pillows. He swung at my head and I ducked, smacking him in the side. He grunted and bashed a pillow into my back. We played until the pillow he was bludgeoning me with exploded in a cloud of downy feathers. Eddie gasped and then fell about giggling. Feathers, floating through the air, clung to our skin.

"Ooh, you're gonna pay for that," I threatened. I tossed my pillow to the ground and rushed Eddie, driving my arm into his chest. He grabbed me around the shoulders and we began to wrestle. Being small and quick, he managed to duck out of the way every time I tried to take him down. Finally I faked him out by dashing round behind him. I grabbed him around the waist, slipped my arm behind his knees, and picked him up. Eddie gave me a shocked look and slid his arm across my shoulders.

"My God. I'm scared now."

"Why's that," I asked.

"You just lifted me." I gave him a look. "And... I'm... I mean, I outweigh you by quite a bit. Lemme down. I don't want to hurt you."

"What do you weigh?" I ignored his request.

"Er, 11 stone or so." I did the math quickly in my head. 154 pounds.

"That's about ten pounds more than me. Maybe a bit more."

"Still, I'm no lightweight." I was still holding Eddie. He squirmed a little, trying to get down.

"Stay put, Mister. I've picked up Cornelius before."

"He's rail thin!"

"Yes, but he's also 6'3. Now, quit squirming." I hoisted him up a bit and then crouched down, letting him flop onto the pillows. He grunted as he landed. I knelt above him and gave him a kiss.

"Got anywhere to go today," he asked.

"Not... Any... More."

* * *

A few hours later we sat in the main room in front of the fireplace. The fire from the previous night had fizzled out hours ago, and all that remained were blackened logs. Eddie had switched on the electric chandalier and soft yellow light brightened the room. He sat next to me on the couch, holding my hand, with his other arm around my back. We were both dressed (Eddie had brought some extra clothes for both of us), and had just been sitting around for a little while. We didn't say much. I was just enjoying being next to Eddie. Every few minutes, he would lean over and give me a soft kiss on the neck or cheek.

"So," he said finally, "are you hungry?"

"Yeah."

"How about we go back home, take a quick shower, and then go out for some lunch?"

"A quick shower," I quipped.

"Yes, a quick shower. Maybe separate showers. Ya know."

I chuckled. "Yeah, maybe that's a good idea."

* * *

We got back to his house and Eddie said I should take a shower first. I showered as quickly as I could (for me, that was about ten minutes. I was incapable of a fast shower), got dressed, and then went and flopped onto the bed next to Eddie. He was talking on the phone. He had a telephone book open on his lap, and as I came into the room he closed the book. I listened to Eddie's half of the conversation.

"...Yeah, two... Um, yes, please." He glanced at me and smiled. Putting his hand over the phone, he whispered to me "Just business stuff," and then continued talking to whoever was on the other end of the call. "And I can just pick those up when I come in? Okay, thanks very much. Bye." He hung up the phone and set the phone book on the nightstand. "Sorry, just had to take care of something."

"No problem. Hey, can I check my email while you shower?"

"No need to ask, love. Go right ahead."

"Thanks." Eddie stood and bounced into the bathroom, stopping off to give me a quick kiss on the way. I went over to the desk in the corner of the room and logged onto Eddie's laptop. He showered with the door open today, and I had to keep reminding myself to not stare through the doorway. Instead I opened up my email inbox and found that I had nearly 2,000 unread messages. And that was just in the one account. I had two more. "Shit." I whistled and set about deleting messages I didn't care about, or that were spam. I still ended up with over a hundred. I picked a few of the most important ones, from my family, and read and answered them. By the time I'd gotten through two or three Eddie had wandered out of the bathroom wearing just a towel around his waist. He disappeared into the closet and I heard hangers squeaking against their rods. I logged into a different email account, where my friends mostly emailed me. This time I decided to just send out a group mail telling everybody I was okay and that I would get back to their individual emails when I had a chance. I didn't mention my accident to them. I knew my mother would have let at least a few of them know, and that they would have told everybody else. So, I sent out a quick mail to everyone in my address book and closed the browser window, then turned round to see Eddie's cute bum, which was being hugged by a pair of very cute black Calvins. He was bending over to pull on a pair of jeans. I stood up and swatted his behind. He yelped and fell onto the bed.

"Hey," he said, "none of that, now. Otherwise we might starve to death." I grinned and yanked him off the bed so he could finish getting dressed. "So, whatcha want to eat," he asked as he pulled on his trousers.

"Er, I don't know."

"Well, what are you in the mood for then?" He left his fly open and pulled on a t- shirt, tucking it in.

"Oh! I know exactly what I want. But if you don't like it, that's fine. I know how bloody picky you are about your food."

"I'm up for anything. What is it?" I thought for a minute as Eddie sat down on the bed to pull on his socks.

"The first time I was here we went to this restaurant. Called Cafe Lazeez, on Dean Street in Soho." He squinted, trying to think.

"What type food is that?"

"Indian." He nodded.

"Sounds groovy."

"Can we take the tube?" He gave me an odd look.

"Err, sure. Why?"

"Just cos... I want to show you something. I mean, it doesn't matter. I just seem to like the tubes."

"Oooh okay," he sort of squeaked. "Probably quicker anyway. Let's go." He kicked on his shoes, tied them up quickly, and stood, taking my hand. We left his house and headed down the street. The afternoon sun glinted off the asphalt. Eddie and I reached simultaneously to grab our sunglasses. He giggled. After a few minutes we reached the tube station, headed down the stairs, and waited for the train to arrive. As it did, Eddie and I were greeted with the typical WHOOSH that tube trains so courteously seem to offer. We got on board and sat down just as the train took off. The tube was fairly empty. There were perhaps a dozen people on our car. They all seemed kind of melancholy and self- absorbed, as people on tubes generally do.

"I like fucking with people on tubes," Eddie whispered to me. I nodded in agreement. "Wanna play with them?"

"Yeah," I said with a wide grin. "Whatcha gonna do?"

"Ever tube- surf?" I nodded. "Care for a go?" I considered the idea for a moment, checking out the other passengers. There were a few older men, a young couple, and a group of four teenagers.

"Eh, why not?" Eddie stood, adopting a wide stance for better balance, and hoisted me to my feet. I grinned as we tried to balance on the rocking train. "The last time I did this," I told Eddie, "I was pissed almost beyond recognition."

He laughed and stuck out his arms for better balance. Most of the other passengers pretended not to notice us, but the young couple glanced at us and smiled. The train jolted to a stop. The doors whooshed open and people exited and entered the train. Eddie and I touched a rail in case we tripped when the train sped off. After it reached full speed we let go of the rail and began riding the tracks. Eddie tapped my shoulder and subtly pointed to the group of teenagers. They were laughing at us, and not in a nice way. I smirked, and then, much to Eddie's surprise, began singing (very loudly, I might add) "Surfin' USA" by the Beach Boys. Eddie gave me a shocked expression before beginning to harmonise.We got several bars in before collapsing in a heap of giggles on the hard seats as the train screeched to a halt. One girl got on. She was about my age, with black hair and brown eyes. She glanced to her left and spotted Eddie. I was sprawled across his lap trying to stop laughing. I sat up as the train began to move, and the girl nearly tumbled over. She grabbed onto a pole, balanced herself, then made her way over to us, eyeballing Eddie. He stared at her with that look he got when he was slightly confused but trying to hide it. He took my hand as she stopped in front of us.

"Hello," she managed. Eddie curled his lip into a sexy grin.

"Hello, what's your name?" He held his hand out to shake hers. She took it gently and was slightly surpriesd by his firm handshake.

"Uh, Melinda."

"Hello, Melinda. I'm Eddie, and this is Demian." She looked at me for a second, smiling.

"Hi," I offered.

"Hi." She turned back to Eddie.

"You know, Demian is an excellent musician," Eddie said. I jabbed him in the side. "What can we do for you?"

"I was just wondering if I could get an autograph."

"Sure," Eddie said. "You have anything to write on?" She dug around in her purse and produced a sales slip and pen.

"This is all I have," she said, holding the items out.

Eddie took them and handed them to me. "That's fine. Dem, go on." I gave him a confused look. I knew what he was doing. Melinda's mouth hung open.

"Em... Okay," I stammered. I quickly signed the receipt and handed it to Eddie, who held it and the pen out to a very confused Melinda. She reached out to take it and he pulled it back.

"I'm just kidding, Melinda." He signed the slip and handed it back, smiling. "Now you've got Demian's autograph, too. Hold onto it, as we are expecting big things out of him." She smiled and found a seat across from us. Eddie glanced up at the tube map. "Just a few more stops. Now, tell me what it is you wanted to show me." I shook my head. "C'mon, tell me!"

"You're so damned impatient!"

He pouted. "Come on! I want to know!"

"Quit whining," I said, and stuck my tongue out.

"Do that again," he threatened. I stuck my tongue back out and wiggled it at him.

"You were warned," he said, and clamped my tongue tightly in his teeth, with a deep, gutteral growl. I pulled my tongue from his grip and smacked him softly in the face. "Tease."

"Damned straight!" I put my hand on his thigh and pinched. He jerked his leg.

"Hey, quit it!" I did it again, this time higher up. He growled again. "I thought you wanted lunch. Don't distract me."

"Why not? Afraid you might like it?" Eddie leaned in to give me a kiss, and I turned my head away so his kiss landed on my cheek. I caught a glance at Melinda, who was staring at us in complete shock. Eddie put a finger under my chin and turned my face back toward him. "I thought you didn't want me to distract you."

"Do it anyway," he said, licking his lips. I grinned and locked my lips to his. He closed his eyes and sighed. He kissed me wildly, holding me by my waist to pull me closer. I held his face gently in both hands, then moved them to the back of his head, playing with his hair.

The train slammed on its brakes and Eddie and I were jolted apart.

"C'mere," I said, patting my leg. He sat himself on my lap and I wrapped my arms round his waist, kissing the side of his neck. Melinda was still blatantly staring at us, and Eddie gave her a quick grin, then turned his head to me to kiss me on the mouth.

"Next stop is ours," he whispered.

"Damn." I was starving by this point, though, and glad food was closeby. Eddie took my hands and, with a devious grin, moved them downward, to his nether regions. "You got a lot of balls doing that," I joked, squeezing slightly. He drew a sharp breath.

"You sure you're hungry?" I nodded and he looked slightly disappointed. "Yeah, me too."

"Haven't you had enough in the past twenty- four hours?" I whispered.

He grinned. "Hey, it's like good wine. You can never have too much." I gave him a look. "Well... Okay, bad example. Chocolate?"

"I don't like chocolate," I admitted.

"You don't like chocolate?" I shook my head. "That I can't believe. Anything else?"

"Ice cream."

He gasped. "My God. That's just sad."

"Well, there is one type I like. There's this place in Vienna, a little shop where they sell this phenomenal Italian ice cream. I could live off that stuff."

"I suppose that's okay, then."

"I'm just not a big sweet eater. Oh, and I absolutely despise peanut butter."

"I'm not a big fan of it either." He noticed that the train was nearing its next stop, stood up, and held a hand out for me to take. I stood, too, and the train began slowing down. After the doors opened, we headed out and up the stairs to the street. As we headed down Tottenham Court Road, I pointed out the Dominion Theatre, where "We Will Rock You," Queen's musical, was playing.

"You seen that," I asked.

"Erm... Yeah, the first year it came out. You?"

"Same here. I wanted to see it again but it was sold out for the entire time I was to be here."

"Hmmmm. I might be able to do something about that, if you'd like."

"Think you could? That would be the coolest thing ever!" He grinned.

"No guarantees, but I'd like to see it again, too." After a few turns, we made it up the back way to Dean Street. I noted the neon pink sign to Cafe Lazeez and pointed it out to Eddie.

"That's not what you wanted to show me, is it?"

"No. I'll show you after lunch. Or dinner. Or whatever." It was about four in the afternoon. We walked into the restaurant and were greeted by a friendly bloke, who led us to a table and took our drink orders.

"So, how'd you know about this place," Eddie asked.

"Con brought us here for dinner when I was on the Europe tour. We didn't actually have any British food. Well, I had fish n' chips once, and breakfast was English, I suppose. Other than that it was either Indian or Japanese, or else pizza."

"Well, that's probably for the best. English food requires an, erm, well- trained pallate." Eddie peered at his menu; I already knew what I wanted. Soon the waiter came back with our drinks, and asked for our orders. I ordered the chicken curry. Normally I was a vegetarian but at the hospital they had given me pureed meat, so I had given up on that.

"That's what I was gonna have," Eddie said. "So, yeah. Chicken curry." The waiter thanked us and left.

"So... what was that all about on the bus," I asked.

"What?" He was trying to be casual. Not working, bud.

"You know... With Melinda. You didn't have to do that."

"I know. I thought it'd be funny. I wanted to include you as well. You're my boyfriend." He giggled. "God, that sounds so weird. Anyway, that was a lot of fun."

"Yeah. You seemed surprised when I started singing."

"Your parents told me you were shy."

"I am. But... I don't let get in the way of having fun." I lit up a cigarette and waved it around, as if to prove the point. I took a sip of my Jack and coke.

"So, whatcha wanna do later," Eddie asked. I shrugged.

"What is there to do?

"Oh, I dunno... shag... sell small speedboats... shoot things... Eat large purple gumdrops?"

"Let's film a porn video," I suggested, only half joking. He grinned before giggling so hard his eyes teared up. "Wot?"

"I... think... that's..." He couldn't finish.

"Calm down, dude. Relax. Take a deep breath. Eat a pancake." He slowly regained composure.

"So, when were you set to leave before all this shit came up?"

"That was rather random of you," I said. "Erm... A couple of weeks from now, actually."

"Still planning on leaving then?"

"Probably. I've got to get back to school and stuff. Plus, I haven't got cash for a new ticket."

"Hmmm. Sure you can't stay?"

"Yeah. I mean... I would love to but it's really not practical. Don't make me feel bad about it."

"You could live with me," he suggested. I cocked an eyebrow. "Really. And, you could go to school here. Or do whatever you want. Come on. You know it would be a great opportunity for you, being right here in the middle of everything."

"I don't want to inconvenience you. I mean... you'd either have to leave me here when you travel, or else drag me along everywhere."

"Your mother told me you like to travel."

"I love to travel but wouldn't you get tired of me always being right there?" He shook his head.

"No way."

"Trust me," I said. "People tend to get really sick of me if they see too much of me." I didn't know why I was arguing with him, actually. Normally I would take the opportunity and run with it. I was confusing myself. I would have loved to spend every moment of my life with Eddie, that was for certain. And I would have loved to travel around the world with him. There was really no downside, as far as I could see. Yet I kept arguing.

"Honey, I could never get sick of you. Would you get tired of being with me?"

"Never. You're always interesting."

"I'm boring."

"You're not arguing your case very well," I said, as the waiter brought us our dinner. I tucked into my chicken and rice.

"Well, it's true. Anyway we've all got to be boring sometimes. What's this about, Demian? We both know you want to stay. Why can't you just admit to that?"

"I... don't know," I said, taking my time. "I did always want to live here. I love London. But... I really don't know."

"Is it commitment? Are you scared of that?" Maybe I was. No... I was scared of something. But that wasn't it. "What's bothering you? You know we have fun together."

"No... there's something... I don't know." I thought for a minute. "Maybe it's... well, you know we're both relationship sabotogers. This doesn't have a very high chance of working out, and then where am I?" That must have been it. He looked down at his plate and shoved some rice around with his fork.

"Oh."

"See what I mean? I just don't want you to break my heart, Eddie. This all seems, forgive the cliche, but... too good to be true. I've found when things seem too good to be true, they usually are."

"So it seems you and I have the same problem. We both have an acute fear of rejection."

"Bingo." Eddie stared down at his plate again. "Eddie, come on. Don't worry about it. Can't we just enjoy ourselves while I'm here?"

"What if... listen, I can't imagine ever leaving you. Can't you trust me?"

"I trust you, Eddie. But I just don't know if... Nevermind." I couldn't say that to him; there was no telling how he'd react. I could tell by now he was getting to some breaking point, either in anger or a fit of tears. I just wanted to drop it. I didn't want to be responsible for making him upset in any way.

"Tell me," he urged. I shook my head. He grabbed my hands roughly. "Tell me." I was a bit nervous. I hadn't ever seen him quite so upset.

"I don't want to piss you off, Eddie." He dropped my hands instantly.

"God, I'm so sorry. Look, I'm not pissed off. I'm just upset because apparently you don't feel that you can be honest with me. And that's my fault. I'm really sorry. Look, please tell me what's on your mind. I won't be upset. Er, mildly upset. But I won't take it out on you. I just might need to deal with it on my own."

"Can we talk about this later? Wouldn't want this to get in the papers or anything."

"You think I give a damn about what's printed about me?"

"No... I suppose, otherwise you wouldn't have been quite so, erm, affectionate on the tube."

"Exactly. That didn't bother you, did it?"

"No. See, there's a couple of things but I don't want to criticise you."

"Tell me. I don't want you to feel like you have to keep anything from me."

"Okay. I don't want you to have to hide me from anybody. I don't want you to keep me a secret from anybody. I don't want you to tell journalists that you won't tell them you're going out with me. I want to go with you to premiers. I want you to introduce me to your friends. I don't want you to protect me from the press." Eddie nodded and slipped a piece of chicken into his mouth.

"Look, that's all up to you. If you want me to parade you around like some prize--" I cut him off.

"You don't get it, Eddie. I'm not a prize. I want to be your equal."

"You are. It's just that everyone else I've gone out with didn't want to be mentioned. And all that stuff."

"We've all got to make compromises. I don't want you to hide me from anybody. But I also don't want you to get any negativity because of me."

"Why would you think that you'd get a bad reaction?"

"Look at me. I'm not exactly your type. People would be going around saying , 'Oh, Eddie is gay after all. And some sort of paedophile as well.'"

"I told you, I don't care about all that. But I suppose I would have to introduce you and all that."

"Exactly. It would complicate things for you. And maybe for me, too." I chewed on some rice.

"How's that?"

"If I get my career going, I don't want it to be because you helped me. Or, I don't want people to think that. I wouldn't mind your help but I don't want a free ride."

"I see. What if you get your career going first and then announce we're going out?"

"What about it? If you treat me differently than you've treated the other people, then everybody is going to think I'm different or something. They'll hound you about it, ask you when we're going to get married or run off together... All that stuff that pops up in the mind of the journalist."

"But you are different," he insisted.

"You know what I mean."

"Married," he asked, after some deliberation. He seemed scared. "Is that what you want?"

"Well, not right this minute, but eventually, yes. Eddie, I want kids. I want to get married. That doesn't mean I want to put my career on hold or anything. I just want a bit of everything. And I know you aren't exactly thrilled at the idea of marriage."

"Well, I'm not completely against the idea. I just always thought I'd be a bachelor for life."

"Hey, nobody's saying it's a requirement or anything... and, erm, with both of our track records with relationships..."

"If you start out thinking that there's no hope." He sounded sullen.

"I'm not being pessimistic. I'm being realistic here."

He nodded slowly. "So you're saying you don't trust me to try this out," he spat.

"Don't put words into my mouth, Eddie." I hated seeing him like this but I had to tell him how I really felt. He glared at me. I wasn't angry but I was playing the cards he dealt me. Really I was near tears and pretending to be angry was the only way I could control them. Looking at Eddie, I could tell he was doing the same thing. He looked down at his plate again, scratching his fork across the porcelin.

"But it is what you're saying. You don't trust me."

"No, Eddie. I don't trust you. I don't believe that you can recognise your own feelings or if you're just caught up in something that was doomed to failure from the beginning. I don't know if you are just so tired of being alone that you'll take anyone who's willing to do anything to stay with you. I don't know if you're just trying to figure yourself out and break this bad habit you have of throwing people away, or if you're just doing the same thing you've always done. Is that what you want to hear?" He looked up at me, eyes brimming with tears. This terrified me. I couldn't stand to see him upset. Him losing control would mean I would lose control. "I'm not trying to be mean, Eddie... Please don't think I'm trying to hurt you."

"No, I know. Everything you're saying is completely true. I just didn't know I was so damned transparent. You gotta know I don't mean to be a sabotager. I can't help it." He wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand and pushed his plate away.

"You're not transparent, Eddie. I just know you too well, I guess. And... I'm the same way. That's just the thing. If we're both like this, what chance is there?"

"Look, Demian. If we both try really hard, maybe this can work. Can't you trust that I'll try?" A tear slid down his cheek. I was, admittedly, at breaking point, too.I wiped the tear from his face.

"I don't know, Eddie... I mean, tell me I can trust you, and I will. But I need to see you working for this."

"You can trust me. I promise. I'll do anything. I'll... I'll talk it out, I'll see a counsellor, I'll do absolutely anything."

"That's a start. But... I just don't get why you're willing to do this for me."

"I love you," Eddie spat out. It was almost like the words had been fighting to get out and he finally relented. I was shocked. He stared hard at me, his pale blue eyes almost cold in seriousness.

"Wh- what," I stuttered.

"I. Love. You."

"I... Don't know what to say." His face fell. I reached across the table and cupped his cheek in my hand. "Eddie. I love you. But we just met a couple weeks ago. Less. I feel like I've known you for so long... I knew I loved you before we even met. But you can't feel this strong about me already." He looked up at me.

"But I do. I mean, from what your parents have told me, and from being with you... Seeing your strength, your startling intuitiveness... I love you. That's all there is to it." I couldn't fathom a response. "I've never said that to anybody before. I don't say things like that unless I mean them."

"Really?"

"You know I don't ever lie." I nodded. "So... We okay?"

I took his hand. "Yeah. We're okay."

"I'm not going to guilt you or beg you to stay. All I ask is that you think about it, okay?"

"I will."