PART IV

On Friday morning, Eddie and I busied ourselves getting ready for the Jonathan Ross interview. I put on some of the new clothes Eddie had bought for me: a white dress shirt with diagonal black and grey pinstripes, silver cufflinks with small blue stones in them, boot cut jeans, and some crazy purple dress shoes. Eddie wore a black pinstriped suit with a white shirt and black shoes.

"Bit overdressed, are we," I commented.

"Too much," he asked.

"Naw." I smiled. "You look... positively smashing."

"Oh, really," he said, touching my hips. "Might I say, you look--" he sucked some air through his teeth, "hot."

I laughed and swatted his butt as he turned around.

"Ouch," he hissed.

"Still sore, hmmm?"

"A bit. No worries, hon. Come on. Let's have a bite to eat before we go."

He grabbed my hand and pulled me downstairs into the kitchen, humming as he bounced down the steps.

"Whatcha want," he asked, pulling a barstool out for me to sit on.

"Em, some toast?"

"That all?"

I nodded, and he went about making some toast for the two of us. He then poured two glasses of orange juice and sat next to me at the bar.

"You nervous about this," Eddie asked.

"Not really. I've only got to talk a bit at the end, right?"

"Right, unless you want to talk more. I don't mind. You ever heard any of Jonathan's stuff," he asked.

"Yeah, some. He seems like a cool guy. And he's got a cute accent."

"You think so? What about mine?"

"Yours isn't so much cute as it is incredibly sexy," I assured him.

"Mmmmmm," he said, giving me a kiss. The toast popped up from the toaster and he giggled. "What impeccable timing!"

Eddie got up and set the four slices of toast on a plate. "Butter?"

"Drown it," I told him, and he began spreading butter on the bread. He brought over the toast and we dug in.

"You know," he said, "I've got a surprise for you."

"Another one? I don't know if I can take this!"

"I think you can handle it."

"Thanks, hon," I said, kissing him on the cheek.

He grinned with a mouthful of toast. We finished our breakfast and stood up to go.

"Hold on," I said. Eddie stopped. "You got crumbs." I brushed a bunch of crumbs off his face and shirt.

He grinned and took me by the chin, kissing me softly. "Let's go."

* * *

Eddie and I arrived at the radio station with only a few minutes to spare, and Eddie led me up to the studio where we would be giving the interview. We were shown in and the interview began.

"We have a couple of very special guests here. We've got one of my very favourite gentlemen, the very funny Mr. Eddie Izzard," Jonathan said.

"Very nice to be here," Eddie said, grinning.

"Now I've noticed you're not wearing any female gear whatsoever. Are you wearing any frilly things underneath or anything like that?"

"I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you. Are you," Eddie joked.

"Oh, yes I am. Don't you know, Eddie, I always do," Jonathan said.

"Can I see," Eddie asked.

"Certainly not! If I showed you, then I'd have to show everybody. You can just use your imagination. Or, actually I would prefer you didn't. And our other special guest here is Demian. A very good friend of Eddie's, and a very good looking bloke, I must say. Say hello, Demian."

"Hello," I said.

"Now, Demian is here because... Why are you here, Demian?"

"I'm here because I just... I saw the studio, and I saw you through the window. I just thought, 'You know, that Jonathan-- he's got great hair, and I just have to meet him.' So I followed Eddie up here, and here you are."

"So now in person, you've seen my hair up- close, what do you think of the hair," Jonathan asked.

"I think it's just great, it's shiny and wonderful, and it's great. Do you know where I could find some like it? Cos I really do fancy it," I said.

"I actually bought mine in a shop around the corner. It was very expensive," he said.

"Oh, God yes," Eddie quipped. "I think I bought my hair in the same shop and it really cost me more than my car."

"Yes, but mine is better," Jonathan said.

"No, I think that really, mine is better," Eddie argued.

"Alright, tie- breaker. Demian, whose hair is better," Jonathan asked.

"I'd have to say, without a doubt, that definitely my hair is the best. And that's all there is to it," I said.

"Okay," Jonathan said. "Now we're here to talk to Eddie and Demian about an interesting thing that happened. Now I wonder how many of you saw the Sun the other day. Eddie and Demian here were on the cover. Eddie would you care to tell us what that was all about?"

"No. I'm not gonna tell you anything! Em, no. Yes. It was nothing really. You know how people make a big deal of things. So yes, Demian and I were kissing on the tube, and we were arguing in a restaurant. But I mean, what business is that of anybody's?"

"I think it's entirely my business, Eddie," Jonathan said. "I mean, we're good friends, I think you need to tell me what this was all about. What were the two of you fighting about?"

"God, I don't remember. It was just a thing. I mean, we all argue with our significant others," Eddie said, "and this was no different."

"But the point is, you made up and are now on good terms," Jonathan said.

"Right," Eddie confirmed.

"And are you back to shagging?"

"Shagging is constant," I said. "We're never not shagging. In fact, we're shagging right now, at this moment."

"Very good," Jonathan said. "Now a lot of people-- actually I don't know, but it says here in the magazine all this stuff about Eddie being gay and everything. Is that true, Demian?"

"Not at all," I said. "Although it would be very sexy, no he's not."

"Now, explain this, Eddie, because seeing Demian here, I would tend to think otherwise. I mean, Demian's got very short hair, is wearing a very nice man's shirt, has two earrings in his right ear, nice broad shoulders, a slim build-- and is speaking about shagging you. I must say I'm a bit confused."

"Well," Eddie said, "As you all know, I'm a transvestite."

"Yes but that's not what I asked you," said Jonathan.

"Oh, just shut up," Eddie joked. "I am a transvestite. I'm making an analogy here, okay?"

"Yes, of course. Go right on ahead."

"Right, so I'm a transvestite and so is Demian."

"So what you're saying," Jonathan said, "is that it is okay for two straight male transvestites to shag because--"

"No, that's not..." Eddie cut him off. "That's fine but they wouldn't be straight. No, Demian is a female transvestite."

"So what you're telling me, Eddie, is that Demian here has a nice female body under these very tight jeans?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying."

"But, Eddie, she could have fooled me. In fact, she did. How do I know that this isn't some elaborate scheme to hide your homosexuality?"

"How, indeed," Eddie said. "It isn't, and unless Demian wants to prove it, you'll just have to believe me."

"Well, how about it Demian? Care to prove it," Jonathan suggested.

"And how do you propose I do that," I asked.

"Do you have some sort of government identification that would prove your femaleness," Jonathan asked.

"Yes, I do," I said, pulling out my wallet. I produced my driver's licence and showed him.

"Well, here it is ladies and gentlemen," Jonathan said. "It reads: 'Courtney'-- very long surname-- 'Utah driver licence, height 5' 9 1/2", eyes green, hair brown, weight 145, donor, yes'-- very good-- 'date of birth 17th July 1986, sex female.' I'd say that's conclusive proof. Now Demian is just your pseudoname, then?"

"Yes."

"And your photo-- this is definitely you, but you're much handsomer in person. This looks like a bloody mugshot," exclaimed Jonathan.

"Well isn't that the rule? Any government photo must look like a mugshot," I said.

"And why is that," Jonathan asked.

"I think it's so that they recognise you when you get your real mugshot taken," I told him. He handed my licence back and I shoved it into my wallet, which I returned to my back pocket.

"So, a female transvestite," Jonathan said. "Now, is that possible? I mean, a lot of girls wear blokes' clothes. What's the difference between you, and, say, a tomboy?"

"Well, as Eddie says, it's not about the clothes. That's just a physical way of expressing a mental or emotional situation. It helps sort these things out by creating a visual image of yourself that corresponds with the mental image," I explained.

"Oh, okay. I see. So you think you should be a boy then?"

"Basically," I said. "But it's more complicated than that. It's..."

Eddie took over, "She's the complete opposite of me. I have this feminine side trying to get out so I dress to express that. She has a masculine side that's trying to get out-- her's is probably stronger than my feminine side I'd say-- and she dresses like a bloke to express that."

"Now Demian, do you dress like a bloke all the time, then," Jonathan asked.

"Yeah, I do."

"But Eddie, you don't dress up in ladies' clothes all the time."

"No," Eddie said. "But it's slightly different with me. When I first came out I did."

"And," I continued, "Eddie and I are proportionally about the same in relation to how much male and female we both have. We're kind of the same person in a way."

"How do you mean," Jonathan asked.

"Well," I said, "The male parts Eddie has-- the sport things, fascination with gadgets, channel surfing, being a total slob-- I've got that, too. And the female parts, which is more emotional stuff I suppose, we also share."

"Doesn't that get in the way of stuff? Do you leave piles of rubbish everywhere you go?"

"Yeah," Eddie said. "But we do fill in each other's gaps and stuff."

I giggled.

"Brilliant," Jonathan said. "And on that, um, slightly interesting note, we're going to play a bit of music. Eddie, why don't you introduce this one since you picked it."

"Alright, Jonathan," Eddie said. "Demian, remember when I told you I had a surprise for you?"

"Yeah," I said.

"If you don't mind, your mother gave me a copy of your album, which I haven't heard yet. I thought we'd play it on the air here, if that's okay with you."

I grinned. "Em, okay," I told him.

Eddie pulled the CD case out of his pocket and read the back. "Okay, the first track from the album is 'Bohemian Rhapsody'."

"Wait a minute, you recorded 'Bohemian Rhapsody'," Jonathan said in amazement.

"Yeah, but in all fairness it took Queen three weeks, and it took me five years. So we'll see what you think of it."

With that, the track started and we all sat back to have a listen. Eddie pulled the insert out of the album case and began flipping through it as the song played. The insert was littered with photos of me, and song commentaries. Eddie read the commentaries and stuff, and I peered over his shoulder to read along. As Eddie finished reading, the track ended and Jonathan took to the mic.

"Now, that was 'Bohemian Rhapsody'. Very well- done, I must say. Now, is this record in shops or anything?"

"It is in Utah," I told him. "As a local type thing. I haven't actually released it."

He took the insert from Eddie and looked at the front. The cover was hand- drawn by me, a circle with the title written around the outside, and my name in the centre.

"Now, this cover says the title is 'Delusions of Grandeur.' And the name here in the middle, Abraxas-- what is that, another pseudoname," he asked.

"It's actually my stage name," I informed him.

"So you do perform onstage?"

"Yeah, in Utah. Mostly with my band. It's very difficult to do solo stuff at the small scale because you do need a touring band. And I haven't got enough material to do a two hour show anyway."

"So you do all this yourself, then?"

"Yeah. On that track, all the voices were mine, except for the very low 'Bismillas'. Those were done by my brother and my friend. Also the drums were played by my brother's bandmate and the piano at the very beginning was done by my producer. Apart from that everything is me."

"Now, how many vocal tracks are on here," Jonathan asked.

"A few dozen," I said.

"And what else did you do on here?"

"There are about six separate guitars, bass, two tracks of piano, and another set of keyboards at the beginning. And I did the gong at the end, too," I said.

"Wow. Is that the most complicated track on the album, then," Jonathan asked.

"It's not, actually. It was certainly the most difficult. But another track on here, Brian May's 'Resurrection', has forty guitars and about 108 vocal tracks, plus three piano tracks, four keyboard tracks, bass, two drum tracks, and a few special effects that I did with amplifiers and stuff."

"Excuse me," Jonathan said, "but did you say forty guitars and over a hundred vocals?"

"Yes I did," I said.

"And did you do those all yourself?"

"Yes. On the very deep vocals I actually used a harmoniser on this. And my brother's friend again helped on the drums."

"Can we hear this track now?"

The track began playing and we all sat back to listen. It was a very heavy track. Each of the forty guitars helped pack a powerful punch. The guitars weren't all playing at the same time. Throughout the whole song there were about four playing rhythm tracks, with two or sometimes three doing little lead parts. There was, later on, a tapping solo with two lead parts dueling in the background. And then there were two scale patterns, one having seven parts plus the rhythm tracks, and the other having thirteen parts. All forty guitars were played together at the end in different ways, creating a huge effect.

"Now," Jonathan said as the track finished, "that was one monsterous track. How long would you say that took to record?"

"I'd say..." I considered for a moment, adding up hours. "Probably about fifty hours total."

"That's more than two days straight. You didn't do it all at once, did you?"

"No, not at all. This one track was recorded over at least a year, meanwhile I was also working on other tracks," I told him.

"And which guitars did you use on this?"

"I just used the one, a Burns Brian May signature guitar."

He flipped through the insert and found a picture of me playing my Burns. "This one?"

"Yeah," I told him.

"This is a very pretty guitar. Nice red colour to it. Now, onto other things. Eddie, you've been uncharacteristically quiet. Have you gone to sleep over there?"

"No," Eddie said. "I'm just fascinated by this stuff."

"What did you think of the song," Jonathan asked.

"I thought it was brilliant, and I wish I'd listened to it earlier," Eddie said. He took my hand and kissed it.

"Oh, isn't that sweet," Jonathan said. "How long have you two known each other?"

"A few weeks," Eddie said.

"And how did the two of you meet?"

Eddie looked at me as if he was asking if it was alright for him to talk about it. I signalled that it was and he began. "Well, Demian was in a very nasty fight that I happened to witness. I took her to the hospital-- actually the ambulance took her-- and after she woke up, I invited her to stay at my house."

"After she woke up? You mean she passed out or what," asked Jonathan.

"No, she was actually in a coma for about three weeks," Eddie corrected.

"So a very nasty fight indeed. And you've still got a few bruises and cuts and things."

"Yeah," I said. "Although I'm healing up very nicely. I looked much worse a few weeks ago. And my hair's starting to come back in, so I'm pleased about that."

"What kind of injuries did you have, then?"

"Oh, tons," I said. "I had a major concussion, a few broken ribs, punctured lung, dislocated shoulder, all this fun stuff."

"That sounds rather unpleasant," Jonathan said.

"Yes, quite," I said. "But I'll have some great scars to add to my collection."

"A true boy you are! Now," Jonathan continued, "You're a bit younger than Eddie."

"Yeah, about twenty- four years," Eddie said.

"How is that? I mean, is it difficult for him to keep up with you in his old age or what?"

"Eddie's a man of incredible energy. We play football and stuff. I have a harder time keeping up with him than he does with me, actually. And he's not old. He acts about my age, so we get along rather well."

"So what you're saying is that he's immature," Jonathan said.

"Am I immature," I asked, feigning insult. "I don't think I am. No, not immature just... Well, you know Eddie. He's fantastic."

"Now, Eddie, have you gotten a lot of hassle from people, when you're out with Demian," Jonathan asked.

"Not at all. Well, we were hassled a bit by a bloke a couple of days ago but Demian just shot him right down."

"How was that?"

"Well, she flashed him," Eddie said.

"Party animal are we, Demian," Jonathan asked.

"Not at all. I just, em, wanted him to leave us alone," I said.

"Well, showing someone your goods seems to be more like an invitation to me."

"He left immediately," I said. "I guess it was just all too much for him."

"Right, now after those wise words it's time for a break," Jonathan said, and a commercial began to play. Eddie gave me a sideways look, one eyebrow raised.

"Ooh, I know that look," I said. Eddie growled.

"I just want a kiss," he said.

"You know you never have to ask," I told him, and he immediately locked his lips to mine. Jonathan kicked his feet up on the desk and watched intently. Too soon (for Eddie, anyway) the commercial was over and another song from my album, "Black Balloon" by the Goo Goo Dolls, played. Eddie remained attached to my mouth the whole time. When the song was over, Jonathan began speaking again.

"Now, I'm here with Eddie Izzard and Demian, who are at the moment, necking." We broke apart laughing. Jonathan continued, "Ah, there we are. They've stopped snogging and are ready to join us now. And I must say I'm a bit jealous, because I didn't have anybody to kiss."

"Aww," Eddie and I said simultaneously.

"I'd kiss you," Eddie said, "but Demian might get upset."

"I think my wife might get upset, actually," Jonathan said. "Now, Demian, tell us about that song, 'Black Balloon'."

"Well, that was one of the simpler songs," I began. "The tuning is slightly weird. But there's only two guitars, keyboards, and about four vocal tracks."

"Right, so pretty simple, still more than I could do. Now, I've been meaning to ask you where you're from, Demian, because I don't recognise your accent," Jonathan said. "I mean you're from Utah, but you don't sound a bit like Donny Osmond."

"Thank God," I said. "No, I have lived in Utah since I was about a year and a half old or so."

"Really, then? So you do have the typical Utah accent, then?"

"Not at all," I replied. "My accent is very nondescript-- not from anywhere really. And I've worked hard to keep it that way. Em, my mum is from everywhere, though, so I kind of just picked up her manner of speaking, I guess. And my stepdad is from Iran."

"Really," Jonathan said, "Cos I know Eddie is from Yemen, and that's pretty close."

"Yeah," I said. "Well, Yemen is at the Southwest of Saudi Arabia, and Iran is just to the East of it. So pretty close, yeah."

"And do they speak Arabic there or what," Jonathan asked.

"Some parts they do, but I believe the official language is Farsi. But they also speak Turkish, Kurdish, and a few other languages."

"Do you know any Farsi, then," Jonathan inquired.

"I know about twenty- five words or so, and I can write my first name, but not enough to really have a conversation," I told him.

"Well, can you say something for us," Eddie asked.

"Yeah... I can say, Salam, chetoree, or salam alec om which both mean basically 'hi, how are you'."

"You know any swearwords," Jonathan asked.

"Erm... Che peoleh means son of a bitch. But that's Turkish."

"Now what about Bismillah in 'Bohemian Rhapsody'," Eddie asked.

"That's Arabic, and it means 'in he name of God'. In Farsi it would be pronounced more like besmeh allah I think."

"Okay," Jonathan said. "After that very informative language seminar, I still want to know where you're originally from."

"I was born in North Carolina, then moved to Kansas and Utah," I told him.

"I see. So, are people in the United States generally well- travelled then?"

"I really try not to associate with them," I joked. "As if I could help it. Um, some are but some aren't. I'd say the majority of them have never left the country, and if they have it was probably to Canada or Mexico."

"And what about you? Is this your first time out of the country," Jonathan asked.

"No, when I was seventeen I took a tour of Europe."

"So you've never been to Canada or Mexico then," Eddie asked.

"No, but I really should go to Canada. I've got cousins there. And my stepbrother's from Ecuador."

"So your family come from all over, then," Jonathan asked.

"Yeah, and my one cousin was born in Kuwait, my father was born in Germany... Lots of places, yeah."

"Right, it's time for another song, I think," said Jonathan. "So why don't you introduce the next one for us."

"Okay, this one is..." I looked at the insert for the next track. "Oh, it's 'Sail Away Sweet Sister' which is also originally by Queen. And this one was dedicated to Eddie, here."

"Very good, so here's Demian's next song."

Eddie sat back and listened intently to the song. As he listened to the lyrics, he took my hand and kissed it softly. I could have sworn he had a tear in his eye as the final chords were strummed.

"Okay," Jonathan said. "That was 'Sail Away Sweet Sister' and it was dedicated to Eddie Izzard from his-- boyfriend? Girlfriend?"

"Either way," I said. "It kind of depends on both of our moods."

"Now Eddie, what did you think of that song?"

"I thought it was absolutely beautiful. Thank you so much, Demian."

"Alright," Jonathan said. "Now I think this album is really fantastic, and I was wondering, could I have a copy of this? I would really like to have a copy. Can I have this?"

"Um, sure," I said. "I've got another copy for Eddie that he can have."

"Okay, and I'm going to need an autograph on this, because I have a feeling you're going to be very successful. Is that okay," Jonathan asked.

I laughed. "Sure, you got a pen?"

Jonathan handed me a pen and I signed "Abraxas" across the front cover. He took the insert and inspected it closely.

"Now, how am I supposed to read this? It's entirely illegible!"

"Just trust me," I said. "Thanks so much for playing this stuff, Jonathan."

"No trouble at all," he said. "And would you mind if I continued to play these tracks on air?"

"Not at all," I told him.

"Fantastic," Jonathan said. "Alright, unfortunately, that's all the time we have for Eddie and Demian. So I'd like to thank our guests. Eddie Izzard, it's always a pleasure to see you. I just think you're a fantastic bloke and you're always welcome here. And Demian, or Abraxas, or Courtney-- now what do you prefer to be called?"

"Whatever you want to call me, Jonathan," I said. "I'm not particular about it."

"Alright, then," said Jonathan, "I'll just call you Richard then. So, Richard, it's been very lovely to have you."

"On the show," Eddie warned.

"Right, on the show," Jonathan repeated. "And I hope the two of you find ultimate happiness in your relationship. Thank you very much."

"Thanks very much," I said.

"Thank you," Eddie said.

* * *

Hey little baby you're changing Babe are you feeling sore? It ain't no use in pretending You don't wanna play no more It's plain that you ain't no baby What would your mother say? You're all dressed up like a lady How come you behave this way? Sail away sweet sister Sail across the sea May be you'll find somebody To love you half as much as me My heart is always with you No matter what you do Sail away sweet sister I'll always be in love with you Forgive me for what I told you My heart makes a fool of me You know I'll never hold you I know that you gotta be free Sail away sweet sister Sail across the sea Maybe you'll find somebody To love you half as much as me Take it the way you want it But when they let you down my friend Sail away sweet sister Back to my arms again Hot child don't you know you're young You got your whole life ahead of you? And you can throw it away too soon Way too soon Sail away sweet sister Sail across the sea Maybe you'll find somebody To love you half as much as me My heart is always with you No Matter what you do Sail away sweet sister I'll always be in love with you

Sail Away Sweet Sister (Brian May)

* * *

"So," Eddie said as we got back to his house. "I want to hear you sing some more." "Put the album in," I told him. "I've got another copy in my laptop case."

"No, no," he said. "I want a private concert. If you're up for it, that is."

"Um, sure," I said. "I take it you liked my stuff?"

"Hon, I loved it!"

"Okay," I said. "A short performance, then."

"I'll go get the guitar," Eddie said, dashing upstairs.

I sat at the piano and began warming up my fingers. After he came back down I played a few songs on the piano, some on the guitar, and then grabbed a minus track CD from my case and put it in the player.

"Kay," I said. "These are the backing tracks to all the songs on my album. So... I'm gonna sing 'No- One But You'."

I started the CD and sang along, giving the performance all my guts. I always found it difficult to perform on eye level to a small group or single person, so I tried not to look at him. It just felt weird because I was so close and could see his every reaction to my singing. So I looked around the room, just above the top of his head. I got close to the end of the song, it got very intense as any good song will do. I was singing as hard as I could-- and I felt it coming. Often, when I got to a really powerful part of a given song, I slipped into a state of hyper awareness, where everything was crystal clear and bright. I sang on, going even beyond the zone I was in, into an almost drug- induced state. Everything got fuzzy and I started seeing double. I held out a long, high note, and when I finished it and inhaled again and the tunnel vision set in. I felt like I was in a dream and nothing was real. Quickly my field of vision was completely obstructed by a sheet of blackness.

Next thing I knew, Eddie was holding me in his lap, shaking me gently. I opened my eyes.

"My God, are you okay," he asked.

"Holy shit! That was awesome," I exclaimed, sitting up. "I'm fine. Don't worry."

"What happened? Should I take you to hospital?"

"No," I said, chuckling. "Just an orgasm of the brain. It happens." I stood up, took Eddie's hand, and led him over to the couch to sit.

"Has this happened before," he asked.

"Yeah, although I've never passed out before. Sometimes I just get so into the song that I guess I just get this huge rush of endorphins and black out. I asked a doctor about it once, and he said it was nothing to worry about. Just not to do it while I was driving or anything like that."

"What's it feel like," he asked, still concerned.

"Feels amazing," I said. "It's just this rush. It's euphoric. I can feel blood rushing to my head, then everything gets really bright and clear. Then I see double and black out. It's very surreal, like a dream."

"Hmmm. How do you feel now?"

"I feel great. A little shaky, everything's still a little blurry, but I feel awesome. You should try it sometime."

"Erm, I dont think so," he said. "Look, I'm worried. This... it's not normal. Are you sure your doctor said it was okay?"

"I'm sure, Eddie. Don't worry about me. He said that, basically, when I get really involved in something, I have an unusually high amount of endorphins released and that can cause blackouts. It's nothing. And they did an EEG at the hospital. If anything was abnormal they would have picked up on it."

"This happened before your concussion?"

"Well, I had a concussion before, when I was eight. But the first time this happened was about two years ago."

"Okay," he said. "If you're sure this is okay."

"I'm fine, Eddie."

He sighed. "Okay."

* * *

"What are you gonna wear," Eddie asked as we lounged in bed in our dressing gowns.

"My suit, I guess."

We would have to leave for my court appearance in about an hour.

"The blue one," he asked. I nodded. "Would you rather wear something of mine? I don't know if that's good for court."

"Um, sure," I said. "What do you think I should wear?"

"How about my black pinstripe suit? Or... The dark blue one?"

"I think I prefer the pinstripes," I said.

"I'll wear the blue, then," he said, caressing my leg. "You nervous?"

"Not really," I said. "I'll just testify, and that'll be that."

I rolled off the bed and wandered into Eddie's closet, pulling out both suits. I set them on the bed and let my robe slip to the floor.

Eddie giggled. "Yer nekkid."

I stuck my tongue out at him and went to find socks and underpants. I slipped them all on, and then took the pinstriped suit off its hanger. I pulled up the trousers and dug through the dresser again to find a shirt.

"White or black," I asked, holding up a shirt of each colour.

"Errrrr, white," Eddie said. "Looks more, em... something."

I grinned and set the black shirt back in its drawer, then slipped into the white one, buttoned it, and tucked it in. The cuffs draped over my hands comically. I flipped them up, grabbed my new cufflinks off the dresser, and slid them in, then pulled on the jacket.

"How do I look?"

"Fabulous. You know, we seem to have opened up whole new wardrobes for each other. That suit fits you perfectly," he said, grinning.

"Okay, now put yours on."

"But I wanna be naked," he whined.

"It's no fair if you're naked and I'm not," I said.

"Your negotiating skills are top notch." Eddie rolled off the bed and tossed his robe dramatically onto the ground, standing proudly with his chest puffed out.

"Why do you have to be so damned hot?"

"Genetics," he replied, pulling on a pair of scandalously tight bikini briefs. He quickly put on his own suit and modeled it for me.

"Gorgeous," I said. "Now for some eyeliner?"

"With a goatee," he asked.

"Oh, yeah."

"Alright, I'll put on some if you will," he said.

I shrugged and followed him into the bathroom. He dug out an eyeliner pencil and drew a line under each eye, then handed me the pencil. I leaned over the counter close to the mirror and carefully drew a thin line under each eye.

"Happy, now?"

"That looks fantastic, dear," he said.

* * *

Eddie and I sat at our table in the courtroom. It was a casual trial-- no jury or anything. The judge sat across from us and listened intently as I recounted my story to him. One of the defence, the main perpetrator, was then asked to tell his story. His defence was that I had provoked him by shouting and pushing him. When the judge asked if this was true, I told him that it absolutely was not. I had never touched him until he touched me. As no charges had been pressed against Eddie for throwing the bottle, he was luckily not asked about that.

But since the perps had confessed already, it was a speedy process. I was awarded a large sum of money for hospital bills and pain and suffering. The whole thing lasted less than an hour.

* * *

That night Eddie lay next to me, arms wrapped around my waist, snoring softly. I couldn't sleep. I had three days to decide whether or not I would stay with him. Of course, I would have to go home anyway. I just had to decide whether it would be to pack up all my stuff so I could move it to Eddie's house, or...

I wasn't going to leave without giving Eddie an answer. He hadn't pressed me on it at all, but seeing the way he looked at me sometimes, I knew the issue never left his mind. I thought about what my family's reactions might be. I knew my mum would have a hard time letting me go. When I had thought about moving to North Carolina a few years before to live with my father, she had freaked out. On the other hand, I knew she would consider this a great opportunity for me, and she would know I was in good hands. She had wanted to move to London or Europe herself, to be in the middle of things. My brother would think I was being a fool for running away with someone I'd only just met, even if it was Eddie. He had always worried about me, especially with big risks. My dad... I didn't know how he would react. He would put a happy face on, probably, but never really tell me how he felt. My grandmother would plain hate the idea. But there were a lot of things she didn't know about me. She didn't know I smoked, that I was a transvestite (although it was probably the most obvious thing about me), or anything else that was important, really. The reason I didn't tell her was that, first, it wasn't really necessary for her to know, and second, it would worry her to no end. Either that, or she would just deny whatever I told her. She had this image of me as a perfect angel who could do no wrong-- why spoil it? But moving across the world to live with a (much) older guy who she didn't entirely approve of to begin with?

And what kind of problems might this cause me? If I stayed with Eddie I might be lonely sometimes. Being on the road or on film sets would be stressful for me. And of course it was stressful to Eddie. I would have to deal with it all-- the good, the bad, and the ugly. But I was in love with him. Love conquers all, doesn't it? Just being with him would be a reward enough. But were our goals the same? I wanted kids. He had said he did, but it seemed kind of like wishful thinking. Like "Oh, that would be nice, yeah, but I don't know if I really want kids." I wanted to get married. To him. And everybody knew that Eddie was not marriage material. He needed more freedom than that.

On the other hand, if I went back home, I would regret it for the rest of my life. Sure, I'd get over him in time (maybe), but I didn't want to get over him. And besides that, he didn't need any more stress in his life.

So which was more stressful to him? Me staying or leaving? I couldn't decide. Maybe he really was destined to be single his whole life. But then again, what if we broke up? That would be more painful for both of us. Maybe it was better to end it before we both got too involved.

God, why does this have to be so hard? Eddie seemed to have made a quick enough decision. He wanted me to stay. If he had that much faith in us, knowing his past, then maybe it was worth it. He had to be as scared as I was.

So I guess... I guess I'll stay. And there it was. I'd made my decision. And if I still felt that way in the morning, I would know it was the right one.

* * *

I woke up to the sound of quick typing and glanced over to the computer, where Eddie was sitting in a pair of running shorts and socks. He looked over at me and smiled.

"Hey, kiddo. How are you," he asked.

"Excellent." I rolled out of bed and stood next to him, reading over his shoulder. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Oh, nothing, just verifying something." He entered a password into a little box, clicked send, and then closed the browser window without waiting for the next page to finish loading. I crossed my arms around his neck and kissed his cheek.

"So," he said. "How do you think people reacted to the interview?"

"Dunno," I said. "But, err, I know how we could find out."

He leaned his head back, looking at me upside- down. I rested my chin on his forehead. "How?"

"Lemme sit," I told him, and he rolled his chair back. I sat on his lap and he put his chin on my shoulder, clasping his his hands over my stomach.

I logged onto the Internet and typed in "EddieIzzard.com".

Eddie squirmed. "Um... Look, kiddo, I don't know about this. You know I don't like to get too involved."

"I think you've already crossed that line, Eds," I said, pinching his thigh. "You said you wanted to know what people think. This is the best way I can think of to get honest answers."

"You sure they'll be honest," he asked.

"Sometimes brutally. Are you telling me you've never been on your own website?"

"Oh, I have," he said. "But just to look around and vibe things out."

"Well, that's what you'll be doing. You don't have to reply or anything. Although I might."

He tightened up his thigh muscles, bouncing me up and down. "Okay. Let's do it."

"Quit bouncing me, you lunatic. I can't type," I said, giggling. I logged in as Abraxas and went to the Blather board. "Dum diddy dum dee dum."

"Dum diddy dum dee dum?"

"Yo diggity, homeboy," I insisted.

"Erm... I'd have to say that this is one of the most interesting conversations we've ever had."

"What's fryin, my homeskillet?"

"Now you're just being obtuse," he said.

I scrolled down the page and read all the topics. "Eddie on Jonathan Ross".

"This one looks promising," I said, clicking on it.

"Hold up," Eddie said. "I'm gonna get another chair."

I stood to let him up and flopped back down in the seat. He left the room and came back in a minute with a chair from the spare bedroom.

"What's it say," he asked.

"Says... dadadadada... 'Anybody hear the JR interview the other day? I thought it was pretty cool the way he brought on Demian and explained things. Not sure if I believe it all, though'. Em... Next thing... 'I believe it. He wouldn't bother doing an interview to lie through the whole thing. And everything in the Sun is bullshit anyway'."

I read through a few more conflicting views, then went back to the main forum and glanced at the topics. Nothing else, so I went to the archives and found a topic entitled "Abraxas!" and opened it.

"Hey! It's from Weasel!"

"Weasel," Eddie asked.

"Little Weasel. My buddy Elise. Hehe."

Eddie stared at the screen, reading. "'Hey Abs-- OMG was that you on JR? Fucking amazing!'"

Nobody else had posted. So I decided to confirm that it had been me.

"Sis! Hey, baby brother here-- yeah it was me! How'd you hear the interview?"

"Baby brother, hmm," said Eddie.

"Yeah. I never got to be a baby brother before, so she adopted me. And I got a few mums, lots of sisters, a couple brothers. Whole big family."

"Really? That's... a little bit odd."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"Well, we all got real close. Most of us have met and stuff. It's a whole community, ya know," I explained.

"So you made a lot of friends here?"

"Yeah, and a few enemies."

I refreshed the page and found a new reply to my message. It was tagged "anonymous." It read, "Bullshit. Eddie wouldn't even speak to you, let alone date you."

Another message from my main enemy, Pierre, read "Who the f**k do you think you are???? You are ruining Eddie's reputation and at the same time, lying about being female! This is obviously a hoax to cover up the truth about Eddie's homosexuality! We REAL fans have known this to be true for longer than you have been alive! Eddie's guise is definitely up now! Come out of the closet together and let's get this over with, you cocksucker! Do you really think he cares about you? He's too wrapped up in his career to have a love interest - male or female! And why should he waste his time with you????-shit, you can't even drink alcohol yet! If Eddie really IS straight, which we know is not true no matter how he tries to deny it, then he can't possibly find you sexually attractive when we all KNOW he pretends to go for blonde bombshells, and can have any one he wants!! Soooooo, it's either gay Eddie shagging a young boy, or Eddie with the killer babes---he can't have them both. If you ain't a young boy, you lose, and we already know you're not the blonde bombshell either, so either way--YOU LOSE! Do us all a favor and get away from Eddie, or I will help you disappear!"

Eddie stared slack- jawed at the screen.

"Hmmm," I said. "Time to straighten this out, eh?"

"Er, maybe you should leave this alone," Eddie suggested.

"When have I ever been one to leave something alone?"

"Touche," he said, and I clicked on "Reply" to answer the message. I typed "Just checking" and hit submit, then checked to see who had posted the message. As I had suspected, it was Humpity- Bump the cunning camel, my number two enemy on the site.

I typed in a message back to Humpity- Bump. "Well, then. Fine form as usual. Whether you believe me or not, it's true. I could prove it if you really wanted."

"Wait a minute," Eddie said. "Prove it? Prove what? How? What?"

"Come on," I told him, "not like it's a secret any more, right?"

"I don't know, kiddo. What have you got in mind?"

"I was thinking something in the way of a text message," I suggested.

"Okay," he said, and went to get his phone. "What should I say?"

"Not yet. I'm about to make a psychic prediction. Lemme just see what she said."

I refreshed the page again and looked at the new reply from Humpity- Bump. "You think you can prove it, go ahead."

I typed a new message, "Check out the home page." That was where Eddie's text messages appeared. I then typed a second message: "I have a feeling Eddie's message will be changing quite soon."

"Okay, Eddiebuns, send away."

"Eddiebuns, hmm?" He winked. "What am I gonna say?"

"Use your sparkling wit," I told him.

He grinned and began typing in a message. He sent it and I went to the home page. "Should be there... now," he said, and I refreshed the page.

Eddie' message appeared, "Still in London, just 'hanging out' with Demian... err, Abraxas, here. About to have a shower. Play nice. Eddie x".

"You cheeky brat," I said.

"Wot? I'm suddenly feeling very dirty."

"Suddenly? I'd say constantly."

He grinned. "Too right."

I minimised the browser window, stood up, and grabbed Eddie by the hands. I ripped him from his seat and felt his chest.

"Mmm," I purred. "Seems like somebody needs a shave."

"Why yes, I certainly do. Should I trust you with a sharp object?"

"Mmmm. I don't know." I pulled him roughly towards me, gripping his waist tightly. "Do you trust me?"

"Possibly more than I should." He purred, jutting his hips out into mine. I could tell he wasn't wearing any underwear. All I was wearing were my silk boxers with hearts on them, and an undershirt.

I led him into the bathroom, sat him down on the toilet, and soaked a washcloth in warm water. I wrung out the cloth and draped it across Eddie's chest, then plucked a can of shaving cream and a razor off the counter and brandished the razor menacingly at him. He sported a devious grin as I peeled off the cloth.

"Now," I said. "How about some dirty pictures?"

"Ooh. Me likey that idea." I shook up the can of shaving cream and traced the rough outline of his pecs. He glanced down and giggled. I set the can and razor back on the counter and smeared the cream around provocatively. He sighed and clenched up his stomach as I worked the cream downward onto his stubbly "treasure trail." I wet the razor and glided it across his chest. Eddie held very still, his breath shallow and even. After every stroke, I cleaned the razor off under running water. Finishing off, I wiped the remaining shaving cream off with the washcloth.

"Shower time," he asked.

"Yeah," I said. I went over to the sink and began brushing my teeth. He joined me and we quickly finished brushing and then jumped into the shower. During what ended up to be a very steamy shower in more ways than one, I considered the decision I'd made. As Eddie held me tightly, rocking me back and forth under the spray, I thought, How could I not stay? Nothing could be better than this.

"Eddie," I said as he rested his head on my shoulder, hands softly touching my back.

"Hmmm."

"Something I've gotta tell you."

"What's up," he asked softly.

I pulled back from him a bit, looking into his eyes. His hair was plastered to his forehead and water streamed down his face.

"You know how much I love you, right," I asked.

"Yes."

"And you know I would do anything for you?"

"Yes."

"I've made my decision," I told him.

He bunched up his eyebrows. "And," he asked, almost fearfully.

"Well, you know that I have to go home right now to get my stuff together."

His face fell and he pulled away a bit.

"Hold on a minute," I said. "I was thinking two weeks." He looked confused, so I clarified. "I'll be back. In two weeks."

"You-- you're staying with me," he asked.

"How could I not?" I smiled.

"You... want to be with me, after all this? All the hassle you're bound to get?"

"If you still want me, hon, I'm all yours," I said.

"Of course I still want you. Look, though, if at any time you feel like you need to go home, for a few days or a few months or whatever, that's okay too."

"Thanks Eddie."

"So... you're gonna stay with me?" A grin broke across his face.

"Yup."

He grabbed me around the waist and kissed me. Jumping out of the shower onto a towel on the floor, he held his hands out and after switching off the shower I joined him. He grabbed my hands and ran with me into the bedroom, picking me up and spinning me around. Water flew everywhere as he tossed me onto the bed and climbed on next to me.

"You're staying!" He flopped over on his back and wiggled around. Then he jumped up and started bouncing on the bed. Seeing him excited made me happier than I could have imagined. He yanked me up and I jumped up and down with him on the bed. He giggled and leapt off the bed. "What made you change your mind?"

I stepped off the bed and hugged him from behind. "I never changed my mind... I just hadn't decided yet. And the thing I was worried about before, the whole press thing-- we've handled that. That was really the only thing holding me back. So, now that it's happened, and we're fine, why not stay?"

* * *

Too soon I was packing my bags to go back home. I missed my family and friends, but I didn't want to leave Eddie. The past few weeks had been incredible. I was the happiest I'd ever been in a long time. My physical therapy had gone well. I was nearly at full strength. My bruises had disappeared, and most of my cuts had healed into nice, healthy pink scars. For the first time in my life I had energy to spare. I was just hoping my motivation wouldn't disappear if I went home. There, I was supported, but not really understood. Eddie offered me unconditional love, support, and understanding.

Eddie helped me pack up, lending me an extra suitcase to fit all the new stuff I'd gotten. After we finished packing, we carried the suitcases out to his car and he sent me back inside while he loaded them up. I sat at the piano and messed around until he came back in, panting slightly.

"I swear, you pack the heaviest suitcases. Now, play me a song," he said, sitting on the couch with one leg tucked cutely under the other.

I thought for a minute and picked a song that I thought perfectly described our situation, "Too Much Love Will Kill You," by Brian May.

I'm just the pieces of the man I used to be Too many bitter tears are raining down on me I'm far away from home And I've been facing this alone for much too long Oh, I feel like no-one ever told the truth to me About growing up and what a struggle it would be In my tangled state of mind I've been looking back to find where I went wrong Too much love will kill you If you can't make up your mind Torn between the lover and the love you leave behind You're headed for disaster 'cos you never read the signs Too much love will kill you every time I'm just the shadow of the man I used to be And it seems like there's no way out of this for me I used to bring you sunshine Now all I ever do is bring you down. How would it be if you were standing in my shoes Can't you see that it's impossible to choose No there's no making sense of it Every way I go I'm bound to lose, oh yeah Too much love will kill you Just as sure as none at all It'll drain the power that's in you Make you plead and scream and crawl And the pain will make you crazy You're the victim of your crime Too much love will kill you every time Yeah too much love will kill you It'll make your life a lie Yes too much love will kill you And you won't understand why You'd give your life you'd sell your soul But here it comes again Too much love will kill you In the end In the end

As I finished up, Eddie came up behind me, rested his hands on my shoulders, and kissed the top of my head.

"So this is what you've been thinking this whole time," he asked.

I turned around to face him. "Yeah."

He sighed and sat down next to me on the piano bench. "You're an amazing kid, you know."

"Naw."

"Really, you are. I love you so much. I was going to wait until we got to the airport, but..." He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out two airline envelopes, and handed them to me.

I looked at them. Two first- class tickets to Salt Lake City. I didn't know what to say.

"I'm coming with you. I figure I'll stay for a couple weeks and then we can come back here together. I want to meet your friends and the rest of your family. And I want them to meet me. I don't want them to think that I'm some freak who's stealing you away against your will."

"Eddie," I said, "thank you so much. You're the perfect girlfriend."

He giggled. "And you're the perfect boyfriend."

* * *

After a long wait in line at the airport security check, Eddie and I finally boarded our plane; Eddie had the aisle seat. Eddie had sneaked his suitcases into the car the previous night, packed for two weeks. We each had a carryon and, as we waited for the rest of the passengers to board, shifted our things and tried to get comfortable. I pulled out a couple of pill bottles and downed a painkiller and a decongestant while Eddie searched madly between and under the seats to locate his lifejacket. Satisfied, he collapsed back in his seat and buckled up his seat belt.

"You don't get travel sickness, do you," Eddie asked.

"Nope," I said. "You gonna be okay?"

"Yeah." He smiled and took my hand. "You gonna sleep?"

"Probably," I told him. "I usually do on long flights."

"Me, too. Unless you wanna..."

I laughed. "I'm pretty sure they don't allow that in the lavatories, you pervert."

He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and laid his head on the headrest. After a few minutes, the flight attendant began mumbling the safety announcements.

Eddie grinned. "Would you like a jammie dodger?"

I smacked his arm. "You nutter!"

After the safety check had been made and the plane began taxiing, Eddie raised the armrest between us and scooted closer, wrapping one arm around my waist. He put his head on my shoulder and I rested my head on top of his. His other hand still gripped mine firmly. Soon after the plane took off, Eddie nodded off. Being suddenly exhausted myself, I fell asleep as well.

Eddie's head shot up, bumping into mine, as the announcement for final descent into O'Hare airport was made.

"Oh, shit. Are you okay," he asked.

"Yeah I'm fine. For now."

He rubbed his eyes and placed a hand on my head where he'd whacked it. "What do you mean, for now?"

I felt the air shift as the airplane began descending, and my head began throbbing. "Inner ear problem. Pain."

I leaned my head against the window and clamped down my teeth as the pain got worse. Eddie took me by the shoulders and pulled me close to him. I rested my head on his shoulder as he stroked my hair.

"Y'okay," he asked. I nodded. "This happen every time you fly?"

I nodded again. "Yeah, it just feels like about a billion wasps are buzzing around inside my head stinging my eardrums. Nothing too horrible."

"Ouch," he said. "Need anything?"

"Naw."

He held me close and kept stroking my hair until we landed in Chicago. After the okay was given, we unbuckled, gathered our belongings, and made our way off the plane and through the airport to our next gate. We had another half hour until our connection, so Eddie grabbed us each a slice of pizza from Pizza Hut while I sat at the gate watching our stuff. He returned with the pizza and a bottle of water. He handed me a slice of cheese and the water. I downed another dose of pills and tucked into the pizza.

"Thanks, Eddie."

"No probs, kiddoo."

I downed the pizza in a matter of a few seconds and got up to throw my trash away. We were called to board a few minutes later and, well- rested, we plonked down in our seats and readied ourselves for the final few hours of our trip. After we took off, Eddie snuggled up to me and began softly nibbling my neck. I squirmed a bit and squeezed his leg. His goatee tickled my neck. After several minutes he gave me a final kiss and rested his head on my shoulder. He didn't sleep-- just sat there breathing softly and stroking my leg.

I couldn't believe how lucky I was. Sitting on a plane with Eddie Izzard. Flying home to tell my parents and everybody else that I was going to move in with him. I couldn't believe anything that was happening. I hadn't really thought about it before. Eddie seemed like such a normal guy. From the moment I'd met him in the hospital it had never struck me that he was any different from any other guy. Well, he was different-- he was the sweetest, kindest, most generous person I'd ever met. But I had never really thought of him as a celebrity. To me he was just Eddie. And I liked it that way. I'm sure he did too.

Awhile after we'd reached our top elevation, the pilot announced that we were heading into some turbulence.

"Shit," Eddie muttered.

"You gonna be okay?"

He sat forward with his elbows on his knees as the plane began lurching and bumping around. Eddie inhaled shakily and blew out a slow, even stream of air, then sat up and stared at the back of the seat in front of him, not blinking. Pushing a certain spot on his wrist with his thumb, he closed his eyes momentarily and then snapped them open again. I put my hand on his leg, hoping he wouldn't get sick. I didn't want to see that. I didn't want to see my superhero out of control. Not that I thought he was perfect-- I just hated seeing him hurting. Fortunately for both of us, the turbulence stopped fairly quickly and Eddie relaxed. He slumped back in his chair and recovered fairly quickly.

"You okay," I asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine now." He leaned up against me again, burying his face in my shoulder. "Y'know," he said, "if we have kids they're gonna have a hell of a time on aeroplanes."

I laughed. "Yeah, they will. But they'll have a fantastic fashion sense."

"Too right!"

He sat up again, touching my cheek, and began kissing me.

Breaking off for a minute, he asked, "are we gonna be able to shag at your parent's house?"

"Not sure. Probably, if they even let you sleep in my room."

"You think they will?"

"Hmmmm," I pondered. "I suppose they would kind of have to, seeing as I'm moving in with you. And, I'm twenty years old. They can't really make those kinds of rules for me. My mum is okay with that kind of stuff anyway."

"Groovy," he breathed, and then resumed the kissing. He continued until the announcement for final descent was made.

I prepared myself for intense pain again, but it was only minor this time. Must have been the double dose of painkillers.

"You okay," Eddie asked.

"Yup."

He took my hand again and we didn't move until we landed at Salt Lake International. As we taxied up to the gate, Eddie attached himself to my lips once more, until we were allowed to gather our things and exit the plane. After we made our way inside the airport, I set my stuff down on a blue plastic chair and stretched out.

"You tired," Eddie asked.

"Nope. I've got boundless energy, as well you know. I'm up for anything." I pulled my mobile phone out of my pocket and switched it on, then called my parents to let them know I had arrived. As I was talking, Eddie switched his phone on, too, and immediately got a call. We hung up at the same time, then gathered our things back up and made our way to the baggage claim. It took forever for our bags to get there-- or so it seemed. I hadn't had a cigarette in almost 16 hours.

"I need a fag," I told Eddie.

"Hey, don't look at me," he said with a wink, hoisting one of his suitcases off the carousel.

I saw my two coming round and set my laptop case down to grab them. I missed one suitcase, which Eddie caught and lifted off the belt.

"Thanks."

After another minute, Eddie's other suitcase came round and he grabbed it. Then we collected our mass of stuff and headed outside into the hot September air. It was about 1.30 pm. After a long hike to my car in the long- term parking, I set my stuff down and lit a cigarette, then unlocked the car and began shoving my stuff into the back of my SUV. Eddie loaded his stuff in and helped me with mine.

"Nice car," Eddie said as I closed the hatch. The back of my little Hyundai Santa Fe was literally covered in bumper stickers. Eddie began reading the stickers, giggling at the funny ones.

I grabbed him around the waist, minding the lit cigarette, and nibbled on the back of his neck while he finished reading.

"Well, then," he said. "Got enough stickers?"

"Not really. I wish I could fit more," I admitted.

"I like the 'I poke badgers with spoons' one."

"Thought you would." I let Eddie go and got into the driver's side as Eddie climbed in next to me. I started the car and revved the engine a few times, then reached across Eddie and opened the glove box, pulling out a pair of driving gloves.

"You've got gloves in your glove box," he asked, amused.

"Yeah." I grinned, pulling on the gloves, then grabbed my sunglasses from the cupholder and put them on. "To my house?"

"Actually, if you're not too tired I'd like to be shown around a bit."

"Sure," I said. I never really got jet- lagged and wasn't tired. "Whatcha wanna see?"

"How about some schools you went to, places you lived, that kind of thing."

"That's cool," I said, backing out of the stall. I threw the car into drive and made my way out of the lot and onto the freeway.

"Oh, and by the way," I said, "if you're getting carsick or anything, let me know and I'll pull over or slow down."

"Okay," he replied.

I thought about where to take him. I'd lived at thirteen different places-- eleven of them in Salt Lake. I only remembered where a few of them were though, so I went by and showed him. I also took him by the schools I'd been to. When we got to the high school, about five minutes from my house, he had me pull in to the lot and park. It had been about an hour since we left the airport. By this time the lot was mostly empty as school let out at 2.10. Eddie leaned in and kissed me.

"I love you, you know."

"Yeah," I said. "I know. Kiss me again."

He did, resting his fingers softly on the back of my neck. "Can we go in," he asked after a minute.

"Um, sure," I said, opening my door.

Eddie got out, too, closed his door, and raced around the car to grab me around the waist. "Mmmm. You're yummy."

I locked the car, took Eddie by the hand, and led him into the school. "Where we going?"

"How about... Your choir classroom?"

I was a bit confused, but led him to the room. The door was open, so we went in and had a look around. "Looks like Ms. Pike's in her office," I said. She was sitting at her computer in her office next to the classroom.

"Ooh, she's cute," Eddie said. I smacked his butt. "Only kidding."

"I know," I said. "I don't get jealous, ya know. And, being with you, I think that's a good thing."

"Ouch. Let's go see her."

"O-- kay..."

Eddie pulled me to her office and poked his head in. "Hello?"

Ms. Pike turned around to look at us. "Hi! Courtney, how are you?"

"Good," I said. "Err, this is Eddie Izzard."

"Hi," Eddie said, sticking out a hand for Ms. Pike to shake and flashing his brightest smile.

"Nice to meet you, Eddie," she said.

"Eddie just wanted to see the school and stuff. We just got back from London."

"Oh, all right! What were you doing there?"

"Oh," Eddie said. "Well, I live there and Courts was just there on holiday. Anyway, I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute. I've got a few questions about music and stuff."

"Sure," she said.

"Courts, do you mind if I just talk to her alone for a sec?"

"Yeah," I said. "No problem. I'll just go play the piano for a minute."

Eddie gave me a quick kiss and I went back into the choir room to play the grand piano. I was curious about what Eddie was asking her and why he didn't want me to hear, but I didn't mind. After a few minutes they came out of her office laughing. I stopped what I was playing and stood up.

"What's up," I asked.

"Not a lot," Eddie said. "Just asking Erin, here, about choir stuff. She says I'm a baritone." He puffed out his chest, grinning proudly.

"You nut," I said, patting his chest. "I coulda told you that. Anyway, we'd better get home I guess."

"Hang on," Ms. Pike said. "Courtney, I want to talk to you for a minute if you've got time."

"Yeah," I said. Eddie kissed my cheek and wandered out of the room so we could talk alone. "What's up?"

"So, are you and Eddie... together," she asked.

"Yeah."

"He's a really funny guy. Seems nice," she said.

"Well, he should be funny. He's a stand-up comedian."

"I thought he looked familiar, but I don't watch a lot of comedy. I wanted to ask you if I should know him from somewhere."

"Oh," I said. "Well, he's been in a lot of movies and stuff. He's an actor, too. He was in... Oceans Twelve. He played Roman Nagel, the hollogram expert."

"Oh! Yeah, I've seen that! No wonder he looked familiar! So you're dating a celebrity, then?"

"Yup. But that's not why I'm dating him or anything. I mean, he saved my life and one thing sort of led to another. I'm moving back to London with him."

"Really," she asked. "How did he save your life?" She seemed concerned.

"I just got in a really bad fight an he broke it up and got me to the hospital, then let me stay with him 'til I was all fixed up."

"Wow. Are you okay now?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. No troubles. And Eddie's a fantastic guy."

"He seems it," Ms. Pike said. "Are you worried about him being so much older than you?"

"Not really," I said. "I mean, age doesn't matter to me. We kind of fit together. Both of us being transvestites and all."

"You are," she asked, surprised.

"Yeah," I said, pulling out my Sexie cigarette case. I showed her the picture on the front, of Eddie in stiletto boots and makeup, sitting on a motorbike. "That's him. And obviously I am."

"Well, that's good that the two of you get along so well." She sounded a bit skeptical but I let it go.

"Anyway, we'd better get going," I said. "I'll see you later."

"Come back any time," she said.

"Bye," I called, heading out of the room to meet Eddie, who was pacing the hallway. I grabbed him and pinned him up against a locker, kissing him.

"Time to go," he asked when I let him go.

"Yeah!"

"You tired?"

"Not yet," I said. "I'm fine."

We headed out of the building and out to the car.

"Can we get some food," Eddie asked.

"Sure. Where you wanna go?"

"Oh, anywhere," he said.

I opted for Mexican and drove to a Taco Bell about ten minutes away. We got a quick snack and headed to my house about a half hour later. As I parked my car on the curb, two of my young cousins came running out of the house. I got out of the car and met them halfway across the grass. They both crashed into my knees as Eddie came up behind me.

"Where's my hugs, kids," I demanded. Ailee, who was nine, and Elnaz, her seven- year- old sister, each gave me a hug.

"Courtney! Who's that," Ailee asked. She was an energetic kid and liked to talk a lot. Elnaz was much more reserved and spoke very quietly.

"This is Eddie," I told her. "Eddie, this is Ailee and Elnaz, my cousins."

Eddie knelt down in front of the kids and held his arms out. Ailee jumped into his arms and Elnaz slowly walked over and let him hug her.

"Is Eddie your boyfriend," Ailee asked. Every time I had a guy with me she asked that.

"Yup," Eddie said. Elnaz giggled and walked back over to me, latching onto my leg.

Ailee grabbed Eddie's hand. "Let's go in!" She pulled him toward the house and I picked up Elnaz and followed them in. We were gretted by my dogs, Rusty and Steinbeck, barking and jumping up and down excitedly. Steinbeck, as usual, had a sock in his mouth. I knelt down and scratched their ears. Steinbeck spun around in circles and Rusty licked my face. Eddie played with the dogs as well, laughing as Steinbeck stuck his nose in Eddie's ear.

"What are you guys doing here," I asked my cousins.

"Nothing." Ailee smiled.

"Oh, it's a secret?"

She nodded.

"Where is everybody," I asked.

"Downstairs," she said.

That's weird, I thought. They almost never go into the basement. I led the way into the basement, still holding Elnaz.

When we got to the bottom of the stairs I set her down and she ran into the next room, screaming "They're here!"

Ailee ran into the other room after her sister and I took Eddie's hand and went to find my parents and brother.

"Holy..." I said as we rounded the corner and saw about fifty people standing around.

"Surprise," they all yelled as they caught sight of me. Eddie came around behind me, and after a moment of shocked silence by a good portion of the crowd, everyone burst into applause, screams, and excited chatter.

I turned to Eddie, who was grinning widely. "You knew about this?"

He nodded. "Your mum asked me to keep you away from the house for a couple of hours so they could set up."

I punched his arm. "You bastard!"

Most of my family was there, and a whole slew of my friends. Nicholaus and Dave were even there. I hadn't seen them in more than two years. Nick smiled at me when I saw him. He and Dave were standing together in the crowded room. I walked up to Nick and gave him a hug.

"Hey, Nick!"

"Hi," he said with a cute smile. Nick was perhaps my first love, although nothing had ever worked out between us. I'd gotten over him but still loved seeing him. I shook Dave's hand. Our friendship was much more casual.

Everybody crowded around me and Eddie, talking excitedly. A bunch of my friends I'd met through Eddie's wesite were there. Elise, Cathy, Barbara, Karen, Trude, Lauren, Shannon, Catherine, and several other people were around. They came from all over the country. I was shocked to see them. Elise grabbed me and pulled me aside.

"Benny!" She gave me a big, bone- crushing hug. "You okay, little bro?"

"Yeah. Except for the rib you just broke. What are all you guys doing here?"

"Well," she said as my parents and brother made their way through the crowd and gave me hugs, "your parents called me and I helped plan a big party for ya!"

"You're kidding! This is fantastic. Thanks so much, guys! I gotta go see everybody."

I grabbed Eddie and pulled him around the crowd, introducing him to the few people who didn't know who he was. When I spotted Anthony, Amber, and Jayson, three of my best friends, I headed straight toward them. They were talking in the corner. Anthony had his back turned to me, so I snuck up behind him and grabbed his ass, as was our custom. He turned around, smiling, and gave me a hug.

"How the hell are you, ya silly fag," I asked, smacking his face.

"Fine," he laughed. Jayson grabbed me and spun me around, and I high- fived Amber.

"Guys, meet Eddie."

They'd all seen some of his standup and videos, so were familiar with him. Jayson smiled and shook his hand politely. Anthony was a lukewarm fan and a bit of a bitch usually, but he shook Eddie's hand. Amber gave Eddie a hug, which surprised me quite a bit as she usually didn't hug guys. Me and Amber's mutual friends Wendy, Matt, Shelly, Ryan, and Wendy's brother David and his friend Parker came over. Wendy and her friends were all deaf. I'd taken Sign Language at school, though, so there wasn't a problem with commnication. Wendy wasn't completely deaf and was the only one who could speak-- signing at the same time.

"Hi," she said.

"Hi! How are you," I signed back.

"Good."

I signed a hello to all the others and said hey to David and Parker. Then I introduced Eddie to everybody. When I mentioned his name, David giggled. I'd told him about Eddie, and David, being a sixteen- year- old guy, thought it was funny that Eddie was TV. He had previously thought Eddie was gay but I eventually convinced him otherwise.

"Shut up, David," I said.

He grinned. "So Eddie. You're a transvestite?" He giggled again.

"Yeah," Eddie said. "So?" He didn't sound threatened or angry.

"Why aren't ya wearing any lipstick," David asked.

Wendy tapped my shoulder.

"What are you saying," she signed.

"Oh, sorry," I told her, then quickly filled her in on the conversation. David had never learnt Sign Language, so I had to sign his half of the conversation too. Wendy laughed. She was cool with the so- called "alternative sexualities" and had a good sense of humour. She'd never seen any of Eddie's stuff, although I'd wanted to show her and her friends some as they would really have liked his miming.

Eddie watched my signing, fascinated, as he talked to David, explaining that he hadn't felt like wearing any lipstick that day. After a minute, we headed off, meeting with everybody else briefly. After while everybody headed upstairs to hang out. Eddie and I stayed back behind everybody.

"I didn't know you knew sign language," he said.

"Oh, I learnt it at school." I grabbed Eddie and gave him a kiss. "So you knew about all this?"

"Yeah," he said. "But only your family knew I was coming."

"Mmmm. You're fantastic."

"Why? I didn't do any of this," he said.

"Ya just are. You know how long everybody's here for?"

"I think most everybody from out of town is leaving tomorrow morning."

I nodded and we went upstairs to mingle. After awhile I heard a knock at the front door and went to answer it. It was Ms. Pike. I let her in and showed her to where everybody was hanging out. Somebody had put Dress to Kill on TV and a few people were watching it. I excused myself from Eddie and went to collect Nick, Dave, and Matt and Tyler, a couple other guys who were there. I dragged them upstairs to my bedroom and locked the door behind us.

"Okay, guys... I wanna do something for Eddie. Can you help me?"

"Yeah," Matt said. "What do you need?"

All of us had been in choirs together, and almost every year the guys sang Billy Joel's "For the Longest Time."

"I thought we could sing 'For the Longest Time' to him. You guys cool with that?"

They all agreed that it would be okay, and I set about telling them all which parts to sing. Dave was a first tenor, Matt a second tenor, Tyler was a baritone, and Nick was a bass. I would sing the lead parts while they sang the harmonies. We ran through the song once and, satisfied, headed back downstairs. Once I got everyone's attention, I made an annuoncement.

"Alright-- as you know, Eddie and I have spent the past few weeks together. He let me stay at his house when I was recovering from the fight I got in."

"Did you guys make out," Nick interjected, in a silly and innocent way. That was a common question from him.

"Oh, loads," I said. Everybody giggled. I continued, "And we've come to a decision. I'm not staying here. I'm going back to London with him."

There were gasps and whispers from the crowd. After giving them time to calm down, I sat Eddie down in a chair in the middle of the room and got my little choir together, facing him. I plunked a bass C on the piano and we all began snapping our fingers. As we sang the song, Eddie stared at me with a look of love and amazement.

* * *

Oh, oh, oh For the longest time Oh, oh, oh For the longest time If you said goodbye to me tonight There would still be music left to write What else could I do I'm so inspired by you That hasn't happened for the longest time Once I thought my innocence was gone Now I know that happiness goes on That's where you found me When you put your arms around me I haven't been there for the longest time Oh, oh, oh For the longest time Oh, oh, oh For the longest I'm that voice you're hearing in the hall And the greatest miracle of all Is how I need you And how you needed me too That hasn't happened for the longest time Maybe this won't last very long But you feel so right And I could be wrong Maybe I've been hoping too hard But I've gone this far And it's more than I hoped for Who knows how much further we'll go on Maybe I'll be sorry when you're gone I'll take my chances I forgot how nice romance is I haven't been there for the longest time I had second thoughts at the start I said to myself Hold on to your heart Now I know the woman that you are You're wonderful so far And it's more than I hoped for I don't care what consequence it brings I have been a fool for lesser things I want you so bad I think you ought to know that I intend to hold you for the longest time Oh Oh Oh For the longest time Oh Oh Oh For the longest time Oh Oh Oh For the longest time

* * *

We finished up to a rousing round of applause and Eddie stood up, giving me a warm hug and kiss.

After the applause died down, Eddie stood up on the chair and said, "I've got a surprise for Courtney as well. So hang out for just a bit. I thought this perfectly encompassed how Courts and I feel about each other." He climbed down from the chair. "Erin?"

Ms. Pike walked over to Eddie and whispered something in his ear.

"Yeah-- this is perfect," he said. Ms. Pike sat down at the piano and I took a seat in the chair. Eddie pulled a folded sheet of paper out of his pocket (presumably with lyrics written on it) and nodded at Ms. Pike, who began to play the introduction to another Billy Joel song, "And So it Goes."

Eddie swallowed hard and began singing quietly, glancing over at Ms. Pike for approval. She nodded, smiling, and continued to play. Eddie's singing got more confident as the song continued. He had a gorgeous voice-- surprisingly so. I hadn't really ever heard him sing seriously, and even though I could tell his voice was good, I had no idea just how good it was. I was touched. This was possibly the sweetest thing he'd ever done for me. He looked at me and finished the song with a hint of moisture in his eyes.

The crowd was silent for a moment as Eddie took my hands and stood me up. "I love you," he said, kissing me.

Everybody began clapping and whistling.

"Eddie, that was... absolutely amazing," I said, awestruck.

"Thanks." He smiled.

Ms. Pike stood up and shook Eddie's hand. "Great job, Eddie! I didn't know you were a singer."

"I'm not," he said.

"Could have fooled me," she replied.

* * *

In every heart there is a room

A sanctuary safe and strong

To heal the wounds from lovers past

Until a new one comes along.

I spoke to you in cautious tones

You answered me with no pretense

And still I feel I've said too much

My silence is my self- defence

And every time I've held a rose

It seems I only felt the thorns

And so it goes, and so it goes

And so will you soon, I suppose

But if my silence made you leave

Then that would be my worst mistake

So I will share this room with you

And you can have this heart to break.

And this is why my eyes are closed

It's just as well, for all I've seen

And so it goes, and so it goes

And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you

That's if the choice were mine to make

But you can make decisions too

And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes

And you're the only one who knows

* * *

Everybody quickly resumed what they had been doing, with several people coming up to Eddie and me to congratulate us on our performances.

Eventually, we all ended up sprawled out on the floor and across couches, playing games like Truth or Dare, Baby if you love me smile, and other party games. By ten people started filtering out to go home, and at about midnight there was only a small group of us left-- mostly my friends from out of town. We had broken out the vodka and were getting a bit silly. At one point, Elise and I had a slap- fight. It was almost like a ritual whenever we got together. We'd start slapping each others' hands and whoever yelped in pain first lost. Just a silly thing like siblings do. That got Eddie into an uncontrollable giggling fit and several people whipped out cameras and started snapping pictures.

After everybody had sobered up, my parents, my brother, and I drove everybody to their hotels, then went back home. Eddie and I brought our suitcases in and decided it was definitely time for bed. Lugging our bags upstairs, I showed him to my room, which my mother had kindly cleaned. Eddie looked around. Posters, photos, and magazine clippings covered the walls, ceiling, and cabinet doors. There was literally no way I could possibly fit another thing anywhere.

"I don't know why I bothered painting the walls blue," I said. "You can't see them."

He laughed, examining a Queen poster. "You're nuts, you know. How are you gonna get all this stuff home? You'd need about three suitcases to fit it all!"

"I know... I'll probably have to ship it out or something."

I sat down on my futon and flopped back, staring at the poster of John Stephens' Genesis painting. It always made me feel calm. Eddie lay down next to me and stared up.

"That's gorgeous," he said.

I nodded. "Ready for bed?"

"Yeah."

We both stood up and stripped to our underwear, leaving our clothes in a heap on the floor, then I flicked out the light and we climbed into bed.

* * *

We got up the next evening (having been awake for well over twenty- four hours the previous day) and I decided to take Eddie to one of my favourite places. We had (seperate) quick showers and got dressed. Eddie pulled on a pair of loose- fitting jeans and a long- sleeved t-shirt. I wore a pair of jeans that were ripped completely to shreds, with a huge hole in the crotch (I was sure to wear boxer shorts), a t-shirt and sweatshirt.

I had him go off with my dad for a few hours so they could get to know each other and so I could prepare a picnic dinner. I made a couple of sandwiches and convinced my mum to go buy me a bottle of wine, then tossed a few tangerines into a paper bag with the other stuff. I loaded the bag and a blanket into the back of my car and waited for Eddie.

He and my dad came back awhile later. Eddie immediately went off to the neighbourhood elementary school with Cody to play soccer. My mum and dad sat me down in the living room to talk. I had figured this was coming.

"So, Courts. You're moving," Mum said.

"Yeah." I looked down at my shoes, not really wanting to talk about the situation.

"Just like that?"

"Well, Mum, you said yourself I can't live here forever. I gotta get out. You know this is a great opportunity for me to get out and do things."

"But have you really thought this through," Dad asked.

"It wasn't a snap decision. I really thought hard about this. I almost told Eddie I couldn't stay with him. And he didn't try to talk me into it either. This was my decision."

"You know you can always come home," Dad said.

This shouldn't have surprised me, but it did. Just the way he said it. Though he was usually distant, he seemed to have a knack for understanding what was going on inside my head.

"I know. And Eddie said that any time I want to come back he'll put me right on a plane."

"What about school? You've got two years left of University," Mum said.

"I thought you'd say that," I said. "But in London I'll have more chances to get into music or whatever I want. Eddie's got connections, too, and he said he'd help me get into some recording and stuff. If that doesn't work I can always take online courses or transfer my credits to a different university."

"But Eddie lives in LA half the time."

"Yeah," I conceded. "But, again-- lots of opportunity in LA."

"True."

"And, hey-- you guys want grandkids, yeah?"

Dad raised an eyebrow.

"Too soon to bring that up?"

"Yeah," Mum said, smiling.

"So, you guys cool with this," I asked.

"I'm not thrilled with the idea," Mum said, "but like you said, it was your decision. And I trust you and Eddie."

"Dad?"

"Yeah," he said. "It's okay. I like Eddie."

I grinned. Dad was actually the person who got the whole family into Eddie's comedy. I think most of my mum's discomfort came from the fact that she was nervous I'd slack off and not do anything for myself. And she was probably a bit jealous about me moving to London. I knew she had always wanted to live there herself.

"So when are you leaving," she asked.

"Two weeks."

Just then, Eddie and Cody came in through the front door. I turned to face them. "Back so soon," I asked.

"There were a bunch of kids already playing so we just came back," Eddie said.

"Ready to go, then?"

"Go where," he asked.

"It's a surprise."

He rolled his eyes. "Just a minute," he said, heading off toward the bathroom.

"So, we okay," I asked my parents. They both nodded and I stood to give them each a kiss on the cheek.

When Eddie came out of the bathroom, I got him into the car and drove off. I was taking him to the best star- watching spot in the state. It was about forty miles west of Salt Lake. The little town, Tooele, was home to Utah's only astronomical observatory. The skies were clear as there was very little light pollution.

He and my dad came back awhile later, and I got Eddie into the car and drove off. I was taking him to the best star- watching spot in the state. It was about forty miles west of Salt Lake. The little town, Tooele, was home to Utah's only astronomical observatory. The skies were clear as there was very little light pollution.

By the time we got to the observatory complex, it was pitch black outside. I dug a flashlight out of the car's glovebox and went around to the back to get the food and blanket, then flipped on the torch and led Eddie to the field where the small observatory was. He helped me lay the blanket out and we sat on it, eating our sandwiches and drinking the wine straight out of the bottle.

"This view is amazing," Eddie said, looking up at the sky.

"Yeah," I said, laying back on the blanket. Eddie flopped onto his back, putting his head next to mine. I looked up at the stars for a minute and spotted a constellation.

"Check it out," I said, pointing at the formation. "It's Capricornus."

"Where?" He stared at where I was pointing, squinting.

"See those two stars right next to each other? They kinda look like one big star."

He nodded.

"That's Prima Giedi and Secunda Giedi. It's the top right corner. It's kind of shaped like a triangle. See?" I traced the constellation out with a finger.

"Ahh," he said. "I see it now. What else?"

"Well, right under it is Cygnus. It's kind of shaped like an X."

Eddie squirmed closer to me, squinting up. "Cool."

We lay there for a few minutes, looking at the stars, before Eddie rolled on his side to face me, propped himself up on one elbow, and kissed me.

"This is perfect," he said.

"Yeah." I stared up at the stars for a few minutes, contemplating the vastness of the Universe. "Eddie?"

"Mmm," he said absently.

"Do you think any of us really matter? I mean, do you think it really matters what we do, in the grand scheme of things?"

He thought for a minute. "I guess it must. Everything we do causes something else to happen. What are you getting at, kiddo?"

"I don't know," I said. Truth was, I did know, but didn't know how to put it into words. "Every time I come out here I start to think about that. We're so small, you know?"

He nodded and squirmed closer to me. "I think you're stalling. What are you really thinking about?"

"I'm always thinking about something," I said. "What do you think I'm thinking about, then?"

"You're testing me now? Okay. You're thinking about where we're going. You and me. You're wondering what's going to happen. And you're wondering if it's all happening too fast for your liking."

"How'd you know that?"

He didn't answer right away. Something about stars seemed to captivate his attention and make him react slower than he normally would have.

"Cos I'm thinking the same thing," he finally admitted. "But it's okay, ya know?"

"Yeah?"

"Mhm," he said. "It's okay because it's right. And, really, both of us are used to things taking forever. We've both had to work really hard for a long time without seeing any results. I don't know about you, but I've never been handed anything on a silver platter. This whole thing was all just thrown to us. Now, you said you had a really hard time accepting gifts from people. I do, too. And this is just a gift that we both have to accept. We both have to let go of our insecurities and trust that this will work itself out. Or, trust that we can work through it. Or something."

He rolled onto his side to face me, propping himself up on one elbow. "Are you scared?"

"Kinda," I said. "But I've got you. And I trust you. That's all I need. So it's okay. I'll be okay. Honestly, at this point I'm more worried about about the technical stuff. Citizenship, all that stuff."

"Ah," he said. "Well, that I can sort out. And if not, we'll both live in exile."

I laughed and slapped his arm. "Twit." I grabbed him by the lapels and rolled him on top of me.

He kissed me softly, cupping my face in his hands. "Hey-- how much you think we can get away with out here?"

I shrugged. "Dunno. Nobody ever really comes out here unless there's a star party." I turned on the flashlight and pointed it at my watch. "It's about midnight. Maybe we can... just keep our clothes on. That huge hole in my jeans provides easy access."

He grinned and attached his lips to mine, running a hand up my sweatshirt. I reached down and unzipped the fly of his jeans, then stuck my hand inside while he pulled both sides of the blanket over us. He stuck his hand inside the hole in the crotch of my jeans and adjusted the leg of my boxer shorts.

"What if we get caught," he asked.

"Just, em... try to be inconspicuous."

He grinned devilishly and...

Epilogue

Eddie slammed the notebook shut and threw it across the room. It hit the wall and slid to the floor, pages fluttering.

"I can't fucking do this anymore!" he screamed.

He stormed across the room and picked up the notebook. Tears dropped onto the pages he had been scrawling out for months.

"What was I thinking?"

He slammed the book to the floor again and kicked it, then collapsed on his bed sobbing. He pulled out his mobile phone and rung up his new writing agent, Sandy.

"Hi, Eddie," she said.

"I can't do this," he spat.

"Eddie, what are you talking about?"

"It's gotten too personal. I just can't fucking do this. I can't finish this book. I mean, it started off being just... a thing. And now it's this huge fantasy that'll never happen. It's too much."

"Eddie, calm down, sweetie. I thought you wanted to write a novel. You can't get this attached. It's just a story."

"You don't get it, Sands. It's not just a story any more. I... I..."

His chest heaved, tears falling onto the bed.

"Shhh. Eddie, it's going to be..." Sandy said. "Look, why don't you tell me what's bothering you about this?"

There's never going to be anyone for me, he thought. Let alone someone like Demian.

"I... I've just realised that... I've fallen in love with a person who doesn't even exist. This is killing me. I just feel like I'm never going to find anybody who can live up to my expectations. Nobody who can love me unconditionally. This is all a lie."

"It's fiction, Ed. It's supposed to be a lie," Sandy said softly.

"It's not anymore, though. It may have started off as just a story, but now... it's like wish fulfillment. I can't do this anymore. Every time I sit down to write it just reminds me of how I don't have anybody, and I never will. It's too painful."

"Eddie, you'll meet someone. You always do."

"That's the problem. I always meet someone, but it's not the right someone. I've created this perfect person for me, and she just doesn't exist. I can't deal with that anymore. Look, I'm sorry. I guess this writing thing just isn't for me."

"Are you sure, Eddie? You've been doing so well. I'd hate for you to give this up just when you're starting to get so good."

"Sorry, Sands. I really can't. Maybe later. I've got to give this thing up or it's going to drive me mad."

"Alright, Eddie. Let me know if you change your mind."

"Okay, Sands."

Eddie hung up and curled into a ball on the bed, crying.

* * *

After he had calmed down a few minutes later, Eddie went out to his postbox to retrieve his mail. There was a packet from his manager containing several fan letters she had thought he would find interesting. He tore the packet open as he walked back inside, then pulled out the first letter and flopped down on the couch with a sigh. He tossed the package aside and began reading the letter.

"Hi, Eddie," it read. "My name's Courtney..."