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8:15 Monday morning.  She was stopped behind another car at a red light. A car whose occupants were paying more attention to each other then they were to the traffic light. It was times like these that she felt the pang of single life.  All other aspects of her life had been a rousing success.  She graduated at the top of her class and at the age of 32 was a successful psychologist with a thriving practice.  This success did not come without a price however.  Always one to keep her sight on the grand prize, she never let herself get sidetracked by relationships.  There would be time for that later she always told herself. Now here she was, on her way to another day at the office, another day of listening to the many problems that her patients were battling.  As she observed the activities of the couple in the car ahead of her, she wondered if she had made the right choice. Coming home at the end of every day, to an empty apartment. Has she missed her chance of finding that special someone?

The light turned green. She honked her horn at the car ahead to get the attention of the distracted occupants. As she proceeded down the road toward her building her thoughts turned to Sean. A fellow grad student in her clinical psychology class.  He had pursued her for 1 1/2 years before finally giving up. It wasn’t that she wasn’t interested in him, in fact it was the overwhelming attraction to him that frightened her.  She was sure that if she gave into those feeling,  her studies and future would suffer.  As a result he never really knew how she felt. The last she had heard he had moved to Seattle and was engaged to be married to yet another fellow student.

As she pulled into her parking space.  She smiled wistfully at the memory and reminded herself that she had after all achieved her professional goals. She really did love her job and was so happy at being able to help her many patients. She looked at herself in the rearview mirror and said to herself reassuringly, “that has to count for something.”

Her head now clear from the distractions of the mornings commute, she proudly walked thru the door that had Anna Barton PhD stenciled in the glass.  Julie her receptionist greeted her and handed her the days messages.  As Anna made her way to her desk, Julie followed. 

“Looks like you have a new patient coming in today.  He sounded very sexy on the phone.”  Said Julie as she sat down in the chair in front of the desk and continued,

"Can’t imagine why he needs to see you.  He sounded very healthy to me. A fantastic British accent as well.”

Julie had worked for Anna for a little over a year.  They had become friends in addition to the working relationship.  Julie being happily married,  made it her own mission to find someone for Anna.

Anna noting the insinuation in Julie’s voice just gave her that look for the millionth time and said, “How many times do I have to tell you that I will not date my patients.  It is totally unethical!”  She said with a smile as she flicked a rubber band at Julie.  She knew she was only looking out for her best interests so always fobbed off her attempted suggestions in a playful manner.

“I know but you are such a workaholic, how else are you going to meet anyone?” Asked Julie thinking to herself that one day she would get through to her friend/boss.

Why don’t you let me worry about that. Now where is today’s schedule.”

With a sigh Julie got up and placed the patient roster for the day on Anna’s desk.

As she left to go back to her desk out front she said, “OK but you can’t blame me for trying.”

Anna just shook her head and laughed as she looked down the list of appointments for the day.  All the names were established patients but one.  There penciled in for the 11 am slot was the name Izzard, Edward J.  “why does that name seem familiar?” She asked herself.  After searching her brain for a few minutes with no result,  she decided to focus on her first appointment, an obsessive-compulsive named Ethel.  It was going to be a long morning.

10:45.  It had indeed been an eventful morning.  Anna was always grateful for her ability to emotionally compress.  It seemed to be the perfect quality for someone in her profession.  Listening to people’s problems for a living can be absolutely draining if you let yourself become emotionally involved.

She was making some last minute notes in her last patients file when the intercom buzzed.  “Your 11 o’clock is here.” Said Julie’s voice with a slight unprofessional lilt to it.

“OK” Anna  responded, “show them in.”

She stood up from her desk as the door opened.  In walked a man, blondish hair about 5’7”.  He was dressed casually in black jeans, black t-shirt.  As she made her way over to greet him she was taken aback by the startling blue eyes that seemed to be smiling at her.

She couldn’t remember when she’d seen eyes that color before. Even though she felt her heart skip a beat, she remained professional and composed.

Smiling warmly she held out her hand and said, “Hello there I’m Anna Barton, welcome!

He held out his hand and gave a warm but firm handshake. Smiling shyly he said softly, “Nice to meet you, Anna, was it?  I’m Edward, um, Eddie Izzard.” The nervous anxiety in his voice was quite apparent and quite appealing at the same time.

“That voice sounds a little familiar too” She thought to herself as she motioned for him to have a seat.  “Please sit. Make yourself comfortable.”

“Um. ok, thanks”  he laughed slightly a he sat down in one of the two leather chairs.

Still not being able to make sense out of why she found him familiar she decided to get on with the task at hand.

Settling in the chair opposite, she looked at him and said gently, “What can I do for you Mr Izzard.”  She reached for her notepad and pen. As she did so, she felt a slight tingle in her stomach.  Must be hunger pangs she thought.  She then noticed those blue eyes staring blankly at her notepad.

With a light laugh she said ,“I’m sorry. Tools of the trade I’m afraid.” She had always had such a gentle humor about her it always helped to put her first time patients at ease.

He looked at her apologetically and said, “No no it‘s quite alright, it’s just in my profession, I seem to talk with a lot of people who take notes..”  he laughed nervously and shifted in his seat.

Astutely she followed his cue and engaged in some small talk. It’s a trick she learned early on to help ease any anxiety her first time patients may have.

“Oh and what profession is that?”  She asked while pouring herself and Eddie a glass of water.

“Show business” he responded as he took the glass of water. “Specifically stand up comedian”

“Oh my God!” She thought to herself as she suddenly remembered why his voice was familiar. This realization hit her as she was taking a sip of water and she almost choked as a result.

Slightly alarmed at this reaction, Eddie asked with a nervous laugh “something I said?”

Not wanting to let on that she recognized him, she quickly regained her composure and offered, “No not at all, just swallowed wrong.” A light nervous laugh followed her response.

It was just a few weeks ago. She had just finished some notes on a patient who was moving out of the area and needed a referral to continue treatment.  As it was still early, Anna turned on the TV and began channel surfing to clear her head.  She came to a program that featured a man doing what appeared to be a comedy routine. His voice immediately caught her attention.  He had a smoky British accented voice, very sexy she thought.  His manner of dress caught her attention as well. Especially the fact that he was in full make-up.  Bright red lips, and those blue eyes whose intensity was magnified 1000 times by the eye shadow and liner.  She felt something stir within her, something she hadn’t felt for a long time.  She no sooner got herself curled up on the sofa to continue watching this vision, then the show was over.  Catching the name of the show as the credits rolled, she immediately went to the menu of her digital tv program and did a search for this show. Sadly she saw no other listings for it.  Sitting back on the sofa she saw that face and heard that voice in her head. Her eyes closed, a smile came across her lips as she watched the show again in her mind.

The next day she was on a plane heading for a conference in New York.  One week there and then back home trying to catch up with the appointments she had to cancel due to this conference.  With all that had gone on she barely had time to think about what day it was, let alone the image of that beguiling man bewitching her from the other side of her television screen.

Now here he was sitting across from her intoxicating her with those eyes and  that smile. Though his manner of dress was completely different from that first encounter in her living room, there was still something so incredibly sexy about him.  She reminded herself of her professional oath about dating patients and tried to focus back on the matter at hand. Dr. Barton was going to have to be in control of Anna Barton.

As her excuse about swallowing wrong seemed to work. She quickly regained her train of thought.  Keeping on track was never more vital then it was at this moment. He couldn’t know how she felt about him. Not if she wanted him to trust her so that she could help him with whatever problem brought him to see her.

“Stand up comedian you say?  That sounds like a very interesting job.”  She said trying hard to sound intrigued but unimpressed in a clinical, psychological manner. Focusing on her notepad, she knew if she looked into those eyes there was a very real possibility that she could lose herself in those magnificent blue orbs.

“Ah yes, it does have it’s moments” Eddie replied with a slight laugh.

 He studied her face carefully looking for any sign that she recognized him.  He had purposely chosen this particular town on the chance that nobody would know who he was. What brought him to seek help was something to risky to try in London because if the press got wind of it they would have a field day.  Nor could he risk any big cities in the States because he had played some shows there and his name was therefore somewhat familiar. As he also had a budding acting career in the works, he had just been in New York to meet with some studio execs.  After the meeting he felt compelled to get in his rental car and drive.  It didn’t matter where, just to get away and think. He found himself on route 80 heading west.  Once in Pennsylvania he headed for Reading, not really knowing why, but the spontaneity felt right.  He found a coffee shop and asked the waitress if he could see a phone book. He sat in the booth drinking coffee while his fingers went for a walk in the Psychologist section of the yellow pages. 

Again trusting his gut feelings, his eyes landed on the ad for Anna Barton’s practice. He studied the photo in the ad.  The warm smile and compassionate look in the eyes of the attractive woman’s face staring back at him told him he had found his healer.  He made a call to schedule an appointment.  As luck would have it, the receptionist told him there was a cancellation for the next day.  He took the appointment, checked into a motel, called his agents to assure them that he was alright, and thought about just how he was going to unburden himself.

He lay across the bed and channel surfed.  Not really being able to focus on anything he noticed the phone book in the nightstand.  He propped up the pillow, rested his head and turned to the page in the phone book that comforted him.  Staring at that picture in the ad again, he ran his finger along the image of Anna's face and felt an inner peace.  His need for escape had brought him to this town and to this woman. As he continued gazing at the picture, he felt the weight lifting from his shoulders.  He felt as if he had found, finally, his long awaited sanctuary in the form of a psychologist named Anna Barton.

“Do I detect a sense of professional un-fulfillment in that response?” Ever the astute listener, Anna had a real knack for getting right to the core of the problem without her patients having to spell it out. Precisely why she had developed such a thriving practice so soon. Slipping into psychologist mode, she successfully flipped the switch that allowed her to put her emotions on a back burner. Dr. Barton was now suitably focused on her patient.  It was a good thing too because Anna Barton was dying to know what on earth had brought this man to her office. 

Her insight seemed to startle him. He shifted in his seat a bit and took a drink of water. Taking a deep breath he said to himself, “well it’s now or never mate.”  The fact is he was now a little self conscious being face to face with her. When he first laid eyes on her he felt the picture in the ad hadn’t done her justice.  As he shook her hand he was taken aback by her smile, her eyes, her confidence. He had to remind himself why he was there.

Remembering the soothing feeling he got when he first looked at those eyes in the ad, he looked at the eyes now  right across from him,  warmly encouraging him to unburden himself.

A slight laugh and then, “Ah, well yes and no. Um, don’t get me wrong I love what I do. I can’t imagine doing anything else actually” With a slight hint of apology in his eyes, he continued, “I mean I’ve planned it very carefully and it’s right on track at the moment..but..” His voice just trailed off, as if he felt ashamed of what was to be the cause of his present angst.

“Something’s missing?” Anna offered.

“Yeah” He said with relief that she understood without him having to say it himself.  “ I mean I don’t want to sound like some ungrateful prat, because I am truly thankful for what I have.”  Fidgeting in his seat yet again, he tried to continue but found the words alluding him.  He felt a little frustrated that when the moment of truth had come, he couldn’t see to find his voice. All he could manage was a look that spoke volumes.  This man was drowning and desperately needed someone to throw him a lifeline.

Dr. Barton was truly in the zone now, she fixed her eyes on him, as if she had him under a microscope looking for the source of his  pain.  She leaned forward and said softly, “I have a feeling it has more to do with something you don’t have. Am I right?”

Bulls eye.  He looked at her overcome with relief and gratitude. “Damn you are good!  I must say I can see why you are in this profession.”  A warm smile followed.

Truth be told, Anna knew this problem intimately well.  Not so much because she had heard it before, but she herself was the living embodiment of this particular predicament.  If they were friends she could let her guard down and commiserate with him. However she was hearing this in a professional environment.  She had to act as if this was a unique problem. The last thing any good psychologist should do is act like they have heard it all before while at the same time dispensing enough wisdom and clarity to show that they understand the problem.

Anna couldn’t believe her ears. Not only was it too much to fathom that this man who had captivated her from her TV screen is now in her office but  he seems to be struggling with the exact same problem that crept into her mind now and again.  She had to give him the encouragement to continue and at the same time try and curb her desire to just throw away her notepad and have a real heart to heart with him. She would have to remain clinical and ignore the effect he was having on her.

Trying to contain the blush from his compliment.  She looked directly into those eyes of his and smiled reassuringly, “What is it that seems to have alluded you?” Anna asked although she had an idea of what he was going to say.

Hesitating for a minute, Eddie just held her gaze and thought he saw the semblance of a kindred spirit in their warmth. This notion wiped away what ever self consciousness that remained. He leaned forward to speak.  “It’s so strange really. I look back at all I have accomplished and it’s great, you know? But at the same time in spite of all the success I feel, um..kind of.....empty.”

Anna said this last word to herself in perfect unison with him.

“Maybe I’ve just been working to hard ,you know? maybe the idea that I’m in my 40's,  although that doesn’t bother me at all”  He quickly added this last bit. As he felt compelled to justify his feelings he explained, “I’ve been so career focused for so long , which is very necessary  and I still am but, I mean there is still more I want to do, it just that sometimes, I don’t know...ya know?”  A look of frustration and un-fulfillment clouded those sky blue eyes.

Anna asked him the following question in her guise as his therapist, when the truth is she had asked herself this question so many times.

“What’s it all about then, huh?” She tried to sound oh so clinical when she was feeling anything but.

“Yeah”  

“Sounds to me as if what’s alluding doesn’t have anything to do with your professional life.  You mentioned you’ve has some success there, might it concern another aspect of your life?”

“Yeah, that must be it.  For so long my career has been my life, I didn’t bother with any other aspects.”

“And you thought your career would bring you all the fulfillment that your life needed?”

“Yes”

“And it hasn’t.”

“No.”

“Just where has it fallen short?  By that I mean what are you asking your career to give you that it can’t?”

He took a deep breath and sighed.  He stood up and went over to the window and stared out to the street below.  The moment of truth he thought.  He had just been asked the million dollar question. 

Anna remained seated and just watched her patient.  She was thankful that he had his back turned to her at this moment so as not to see the look of total empathy that was on her face. It took all she had to fight the urge to go to over to him and wrap her arms around him and say, “I know, I know.” It had indeed been a long time since anyone had effected her the way he was.  Was it fate that brought him to her she wondered. What else could it be?  Why else would a man of his fame be in her office in Reading, PA? So many questions ran through her mind. Unfortunately given the situation, there were the wrong ones and she knew it. She just sat quietly and waited for him to speak again.  However her mind distracted by these thoughts, she wasn’t aware of the look that remained on her face.

Eddie finally turned around to come back to his seat. As he turned he looked at Anna and saw those eyes just staring at him with a look that threw him totally off guard.  There was such a look of understanding and compassion.  He thought very carefully about his next move. She was after all there as a therapist however he couldn’t help but feel an attraction to her. As he studied this expression on her lovely face he felt something stir deep within him.  There was a connection here and it seemed rather out of keeping with the usual Dr. patient relationship. As he sat back down he began to realize that maybe her understanding of his situation wasn’t so astutely clinical but rather  stemmed from a more  deeply personal similarity .

Without saying a word, Eddie just returned Anna’s gaze and added a warm smile.

The intense eye contact brought her back from her mind’s journey.  She suddenly felt anxious.  The look in his eyes at this moment wasn’t in keeping with that of someone who is about to reveal their inner most thoughts. Usually at a moment like this their eyes are focused everywhere but on her face. The way he was now looking at her told her the jig was up and he was on to her.  For the first time since her days as a rookie psychologist, she had committed  a fatal error.  She was getting emotionally involved with her patient and her patient knew it.

Eddie chose his next words very carefully. “Something tells me that you have more then a clinical understanding of this situation.” He said this ever so gently.

With that her professional demeanor was smashed into a thousand pieces.  No use trying to bail out if it.  He was on to her.  There was simply nothing she cold do now but to admit that she did indeed understand his situation.  Damn him she thought to herself and damn those amazing blue eyes that seem to look right into her very soul.

She felt the warmth of the flush on her cheek.  All of a sudden it was as if they had reversed  roles.  It was now her turn to rise form her seat and walk over to her desk.  She needed a little distance from him right now. A feeling of utter helplessness began to rise from deep within her.  Although she had kept it successfully hidden for so very long, she was  now acutely aware of the fact that she shared his pain. 

She sat on the edge of her desk, buried her face in her hands and gently sobbed. “I’m so sorry. You must think me a complete fool.”

Eddie quickly rose and went to her.  He pulled her hands away from her face. “Oh please don’t say that.” he pleaded. He aimed those blue lasers right at her and said firmly “You’re anything but.”

“Come here” He said softly as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her to him in a warm embrace.